The madcap adventures of Psycho Squirrel

“Yeah, I'm still trying to get past that beaver on crack thing too. I don't think I'll make it. That is just toooooooooo funny!”

“what,what”

“this may earn a webbie if he gets his own page.
or it may earn some fines time for everyone involved.
survey says____________?”

“Squirrel is delicious. Make sure you shoot them in the head, JFK style. I prefer a .22 Mag. A Ruger .22 Mag.”

“I ain't coming out until that squirrel with the big nads goes away...

”

“Dude, get a pellet rifle!”

“I had to kill two in Alaska. They were fighting on our deck at 0300 every day. We kept a pellet gun around to keep moose out of the garden. It didn't take long.”

“Let the animal live.

It has done nothing you wouldn't have done.”

“Are you saying Geobeet would go after someone elses' tomatoes?”

“I hear hes after one hot little tomato.”

“*walks in with peanut butter on his face and 2 tomatoes in his hands*.....err....did i come in at a bad time?”

“man people.
i packed all wkend.
i COULD NOT get this thread out of my head. musta giggled every 20mins.
wife thinks i'm insane, (or i finally removed all doubt)
i'll be looking for the SEQUEL.
insane-bullet proof-monster nard-squirrel of theft.
move over arnie.”

“Finally saw the little #&%!$ Saturday night. I was talking to my downstairs neighbors on the porch and spied Psycho sitting on the lawn on the other side of the driveway looking fat and happy.

I ran off the porch and threw a moccasin at him, overshot, and he just sat there twitching his tail (squirrel talk for "Missed me!").

I ran closer and threw the other moccasin. This time I scored a hit on his tail, and Psycho took off with me chasing him. He hid under the dwarf Alberta spruce near the tomato patch like he was defending his territory. I had my key lanyard in my hand and snapped the lanyard at him. He ran around front under the cedar trees and I snapped at him again. Caught back up to him at another cedar tree and hit him with the keys. He ran into a patch of ivy and disappeared near the base of his tree.

"That oughta keep the little b@st@rd loose," I told my neighbors.

Next day there were partially eaten tomatoes lying under the planters. I guess all I did was help him to work up an appetite!

I have an air gun, but there is a local ordinance against shooting them in the township. I'm trying to figure out whether a jury would consider Psycho the kleptomaniac Squirrel sufficient grounds for acquittal.”

“just the thought of you chasing that squirrel around your backyard will keep me giggling for all of the day. maye well into the rest of the week!!

HEHEHAHALOL”

“Yeah, Geobeet, the Great White Hunter. He let a tree-rat kick his @ss, LOL!”

“You never had a squirrel sit in his tree shouting "Ya ain't got nothin!"”

“ok i know someone has a photo of the squirrel laughing at geobeet. where is it??”

“That looks almost like Psycho on the cover, except he's a gray rather than a red. How do squirrels get ahold of Kevlar helmets is what I want to know. Those things cost money. He can't make that much money selling tomatoes!”

“this weekend i kept humming a song but changed the words


The Talking Heads Psycho Killer to

Psycho Squirrel”

“I have avoided this thread thus far. I think it's time......

GULP *deep breath*”

“Roight! You should learn what is headed your way soons I can round his furry butt up!”

“Let the poor rodent eat, you heartless moccasin tosser! Do you want him to end up like the thousands of homeless and chemically dependent skwerls around the US?

”

“Last summer I earned the title of "Raccoon Catcher Supreme." I musta caught like 5 adults, one young'un and a 'possum for good measure.

This advice might help you: POP TARTS RULE!!!

You are a sad, sad example of "Backyard Hunter" indeed, Geobeet!!! LOL”

“Here's an approach that might work on PsychoSquirrel:
http://www.eecs.harvard.edu/~yaz/en/squirrel_fishing.html”

“Geobeet is my beeatch.”

“Yer right, lizs. This guy couldn't catcha cold if'n ya gave him an ice-water high colonic!”

“who'd have guessed? actually, Psycho Squirrel took a pretty long time to show up...”

“"We simply tie peanuts to the end of the string (using slipknot). No hook was used and no squirrel was harmed during this "research."

oh well i guess that leaves geobeet out!!”

“Lyra, ever tried to get a DSL connection in a hollow tree?”

“He's mostly a lurker when he's not ripping tomato vines to shreds. I think he sits up in the tree quietly laughing at me.”

“LOL Kleetn, do ya think he'd like a snort or two? He's eating my tomatoes and peanut butter, maybe he'd like some fine scotch to wash it all down.

Heh Heh, get the little blighter drunk and then pounce!”

“dude, that's a really personal question, mr. Squirrel!
;-P”

“OK, I've resisted posting this suggestion until now, but here's what I think:

Since the squirrel seems to be inexorably drawn to the tomatoes, get some strychnine and inject it into one of the tomatoes. Mark said poison tomato so you don't chow down on it yourself. Leave it on the ground next to the tomato plant. It'll be the first one he goes for.”

“No, everything I've checked says squirrels won't take poison. I even put a little dish of anti-freeze out, but he never touched it.”

“PS, don't let lyra's protestations deter you. She loves personal questions...lol....j/k”

“hey, what could be more interesting than meeeee! LOL! mr. EVIL SQUIRREL KILLER.”

“You need to dump that rat. Why, he can't even afford a tail with fur!

Wanna tomato? I picked it myself.”

“find a mrs. psycho squirrel for him..
that should keep him happy for a little while atleast



ok so i guess that someone has a photo of a female squirrel with a garter belt on?”

“i assume you're addressing me, Squirrely-pie? i'll keep you in mind...mighty tempting!!
:-D”

“Once you go squirrel, you never go back.”

“Geobeet -

I suggest you work to improve your pathetic squirrel killin' skills here before you try another frontal assault. (Of course the resulting carpal tunnel may just make matters worse.)”

“OMG ROFL #&%!$ING CRACKED ME UP

you are one sick puppy!!!

i can no longer view this thread while at work. you are trying to get me fired.

can you just see me getting hauled into the bosses office with a transcript of that website and them asking me to explain what is going on???

i couldnt do it!!”

“LMAO!! you are a goober!

but i must admit, my eyes have been opened to the world of squirrel-lovin, and i am indeed intrigued. but going from a monkey to a squirrel would be krazee! i just don't know if i'm ready for it...”

“Psycho's right. Squirrel does taste really good when cooked proprely.”

“Come on, baby...gimme another chance, I'll be goooooood to ya...”

“i'm sorry, did i change my name to newgirl? i didn't think so.
;-P”

“Rats AND monkies?
Dang girl, you be freaky!”