if you had only a couple of days

“to do one last big trip of the season where would you go?

i ask becasue ive been givin the go ahead from my family to partake in one last adventure!


but here are some rules.
1. im not into flying, it seems when i fly i always miss the plane (it has nothing to do with the fact that i have not been able to fly sober in 5 years)asnd thats the truth, so im willing to take a train or a bus or even drive.
2. im looking for an area that i can do 4 days. in Oct.
3. if you know of an area please tell me because im open for anything! the more the info the better.
4. would love some company!!
maybe car pull or even a ride from the bus or train station to the trail head.
5. id like to do some more elev. then i have in the past. 2200. so mountains dont scare me. (only marvin gardens does LOL)


ok so what do you think??

ps im in NYC so try to keep that in mind because i really dont want to spend 7 to 8 hrs driving. id use 2 of my days just doing that.

this is your mission if you wish to take it
cause i really could use your help with this

thanks”

“Why don't you hit Maine with the lot of us? It's a long drive, but a very pleasant one and I've always enjoyed the trek. I'd give you a ride, but I'll be staying with my good friend in Cape Cod for a couple of days after the trip, and possibly before to break up the drive a bit. On a side note: he's a tattoo artist, and I may just have to get another one while I'm there.”

“i thought about that trip alot and id love to but its over 7 hrs of driving alone. me alone in a car for 7 hrs?
id have to kill someone!!”

“last big trip of the season?????


There is a season????”

“Ah, but like I said it's a nice drive, but I'm also pretty tolerant of those kinds of things.

How about the Catskills, which are only 2 to 2/12 hours away, or the Adirondacks, which are only 4-6 hours away? Both places are fantastic, especially the 'Daks. You'd really enjoy both places, I bet.”

“not the cats.
but maybe the daks!
any ideas?”

“I've only gone once, and did the Dix's (three of them), Hough and Macomb... very tough route. Do a search for my trip report for more information.

There are others here more knowledgable of the area than me, so I'll leave it to them.”

“Reading your requirements my first thought was - Baxter Park! I'm sure there will be a spot for you and we'd love to have you along!

Seven hours of driving through beautiful New England foliage? People do that for fun here!”

“if i went to the daks and took a bus what would be the nearest town to a good hike?”

“should parachute to your favorite peake (only 4days you know)

and hike DOWN the mountain”

“i think the older i got the smarter i got.. i know things that go up must come down.. thats the part i dont like...


i was getting a little better till i watched the second plane go into the world trade center. funny i had to fly last oct. i had no choice and thats when i miised the flight!
i just came back from Canada and had to fly there. but its not my mode of transpertaion”

“i can respect that.

i will NOT swim in the ocean. under any circumstance.

i am PETRIFIED of sharks”

“I think we all want to know more about this drinking and flying thing.

What's up with that.”

“Just like that his eyes pop open and he looks around the room like it`s the first time he has ever seen any of it and his eyes wander over everything in the room, taking in everything again and trying to make out what each things is and what, if anything they might actually mean, or have to do with him.

Nothing seems to hold his attention for long at a time, not the seights, or sounds, the pictures on the walls, the view out the window, or even the smells of the place, there`s a funny taste in his mouth, but he doesn`t ponder on it long and he just feels numb all over, yet hurting for some unknown reason too.

Three days left to go and yet he has no-where to go to, no place to run off and hide, not a spot he can revisit, or a moment he can reach out to and grasp it for long, his mind`s reeling as he tries to remember everything and make some sense of it all, as time just ticks away. Every hour of the clock is a year gone by, taken away, that he can`t get back now.

The doctor just left him and the news he has 30 minutes to live, maybe three days tops pounds in his head, as his tears well up in his eyes and stream down his cheeks as he looks around the room again, trying to make out the few things that are his and what this all means to him and what will he do with his last moments.

He looks over at me and tries real hard to smile at me, but the tears in my eyes don`t help him much and he quickly looks away as he says, I don`t guess we`ll get to go camping this year anymore, will we, or get to fish that long lake like we used to, or hunt deer this fall, or hike up off in the mountains anymore either, but you will think of me when you go won`t you?”

“I saw that title and I couldn`t help myself, I just started writing what came to mind and my friend laying there like that and all and only three days left just got to me. I didn`t intend to send it, or ever tell anyone about this, other than close friends and a few of his family members, but I just couldn`t help it, I had to get it off of my mind, at least I still can. No telling what`s going on in his mind at this moment, but I`d guess he`s afraid, maybe not for himself, he had 32 years to live and he cramed as much living into it as he could, but he`s got to be thinking of his two young daughters now and I know he`s afraid for them.

His dad died the same way.

It`s not fair of me to tell you something like that and not tell you something funny too so, we`re there talking and he asks me, will you tell the girls about me one day for me, if they want to know more about things?

Sure I will, you know me, but are you sure you want them to know that much about you and you do know I know things about you that might best be forgotten, don`t you think? Like what, he shoots back at me and I tell him, well like the time you decide to bring nothing to eat but tomatoes and fruit and how sick you got from that and he goes to laughing hard enough to wake the dead and us off in a hospital and all and in runs a nurse and she scolds us both and has to almost scream to be heard over his laughter. His sides are hurting from laughing at me and her there screaming at us and he`s trying to catch his breath and wipe his tears away and she looks at me and scolds me yet again, as she belts out he doesn`t need to be carrying on so in his condition, no telling what might happen and I bring her up short when I ask her,... oh, you afraid he might laugh himself to death?

The blood drained from her beet red face as she batted her eyes for a moment, not knowing what to do, or his reaction to this and he cut loose with a cackel and she bust into laughing too and another nurse had to come in there in a few seconds and shut all of us up:)”

“Go on a meditation retreat inside your own house.”

“Big Foot, you would make William Faulkner proud. You really need to write some of this down and send it to a publisher.

Sorry about your friend. It is sad that some people have such short lives.”

“Hey Thanks LyndS, that was sweet of you. I haven`t read any of Faulkner`s works, ...can he not spell either?:)

I don`t know about making him proud, but it makes me smile when you like something I do, but I`m not gonna send anything in.

My friend is still holding on, but they don`t give him any hope at all. To many years of hard drinking have taken their toll on his innards.

With three degrees you`d think he would have thought longer about what he was doing to himself, wouldn`t you?

Some people can`t even be protected from themselves:(”

“Big Foot you have mail.

thank you for sharing that with us.”

“Daks by bus. Get off at Keene Valley and take Johns Brook Trail. Make camp and go for Marcy the second day as a day hike. On third day go for Gothics (hard climb, but view is very outstanding). On fourth day go home. You could even check on Johns Brook Lodge, which offers bunk, shower, and place to cook meals.”

“Big Foot, you really do possess a great talent for writing. I always enjoy reading your posts.. that was a very touching story.”

“ok so here is the story about me and missing the flight not once but twice.

the first time my sister and myself were flying to canada for a furnal. my brother had twins and the little boy died. so we missed the flight because of drinking! it was not our fault cause we told the bartender to tell us when it was time to leave!!
the second time i was going to canada to visit my brother again and my boss gave me a going way package that had vodka and all the trimmings. its funny because the airport knew me because all i did was go around and ask for ice and nothing else. so i missed that flight. but hay when i did get on the next plane and i was a pretty happy camper....
although i did get a case of the giggles when we hit a very big air pocket. but i dont think the lady thought it was funny. she was white as a ghost.

so the moral of the story is..

fly drunk (but only if your a happy drinker)”

“can someone please post this the right way.
thanks

http://www.lmphotography.com/framepic/fallcolor8.htm



this would be very nice to see.”

“Thanks Maple Leaf and Artex, ... but I didn`t write that thinking of how it might sound and for sure I never thought weather I wrote it well, or not. I was alright with the first few lines of it and I knew I had to hurry and get it said, because I know me and sure enough I let it get to me and never did finish what I was gonna tell you about it, I just couldn`t bring myself to.

I was crying again just thinking about it all and more for me than him, tears won`t help him now. I was sorry I haddn`t been a better friend than I had been and I was ashamed of myself because I knew I was gonna walk out of there and he never will again. I saw his big blue eyes on me and I felt so small for not standing up to him more than I did and trying just one more time to get him to listen to reason. I knew I let both of us down and how much I mattered to him and I remembered how I didn`t want to be bothered with him anymore and had said so and how much I hated myself for that.

He had called me up and asked me to come get him and take care of him and help him stop drinking again and that this time he meant it, he wanted help and that crap he said the other night about it not mattering what I said, that he was gonna live his life like he wanted was just his way of trying to save face.

I told him to gather up enough stuff for a long stay and he was excited about it too, but I remember how unhappy I was just thinking about the last time he wanted help.

He told me to come get him the next afternoon and I agreed on a time and then he calls me up before then and asks if it`ll be alright if we wait another day, that his uncle might come see him? Sure, no problem, the things I thawed out to fix would keep and the next day was just as good for me.

The next day he calls and says he`s ready early will I come pick him up? Yes, I`ll be right there and he says, well, if you`re gonna give me a hard time about my drinking again I just don`t think I can deal with it. I told him we`d talk about it when he gets here, but no, he wants to talk about it now.

He doesn`t want me to bring up his drinking, or tell him he can`t have it anymore after he gets to doing better and this time no matter what happens when he goes through the DT`s he doesn`t want me to haul him to the hospital, even if he does chew his tongue off and have seasures and his eyes roll back in his head.

I can`t agree to that and won`t so, he blows up at me and says, FINE, I`ll just have my uncle come get me. I tell him that`s fine by me, maybe it`s better to be with your family at a time like that. I make him promise to call me right back if he`s not going to his uncle`s to saty and he does.

His uncle will be there to get him in a few hours and he tells me he`ll get on his uncle`s computer as soon as he can and tell me how things are going. We talk for better than an hour and both of us stay pleasent and he says why can`t it be lkike this if I come over there? I tell him because you want me to take you somewhere so you can get a drink and I won`t and he starts to get miffed at me again.

I shoulda known what he was saying, but I didn`t right then, he wanted to stay with me, but didn`t think I wanted him to. And maybe he was right, I didn`t want him to, not like that.

Almost a week goes by and I haven`t heard a word from him and then I get a call late at night from his cousin and he tells me he just heard what happened. I ask him what and he tells me my friend and is in the hospital, has been since the night we last talked, was transfered from the first hospital to the second one because he was so serious.

I didn`t know what to say, what to think, I was just numb, it wasn`t being gotten up from sleep, I wish it had been that, but I was sick, sick of me, I had let him down.

They have it fixed so he`s not suffering much, but in doing so he forgets he`s in a bad way and not coming home again. His daughters got to see him and they`re as confused as he is, I hear they were playing in the halls at the hospital and that they don`t know he`s not coming home this time. No one can bring themselves to tell them just how sick their dad is.

I can`t bring myself to tell you the story I was first going to, some things are better off left unsaid.”

“Don't feel bad and think you didn't do what you could. Trust me, TT'ers, Big Foot tried with this guy. You were a good friend.

(and so this is how you spent my oil-changing time?? lol)”

“all i can say is GO TO HIM!

like i told you i never got to say goodbye to my mother and best friend. but ive been able to be with my brother as often as i can. either by phone or i-mail or going to see him...
im not going to let what happened with my mom and friend again.. like i said you are a good friend..”

“You do what you can. When it doesn't work you've at least said what had to be said. Lost a friend to anorexia and went through pretty much the same drill. When it comes right down to it, the person you are trying to help has to accept the help and act on it. Whatever happens, do not beat yourself up over it. You did what was within your power to do. It should have helped, but he refused to be helped.

People caught up in addiction really have to want help, really have to want to escape the insanity, really have to be willing to work for sobriety or whatever it is. When it all falls apart and they die, they leave behind all the people who tried to help and now live in anguish that they could not.

I eventually accepted the fact that I had done everything I could. You will too, and you will come to the conclusion that it was your friend who failed himself, it wasn't you who failed him.

You can go over it all in your mind and ask thousands of what-ifs, but you always come back to the inescapable fact that the help you offered was refused, turned down, and passed up.”

“Oops:) you caught me, didn`t`cha Lizs,..

I do go see him in the hospital as often as I can and his family and I are long time friends and they stop in and keep me informed on him. I call and talk to him too, when I cant get over there to see him, but I can`t help but feel like I should have done more when it still might have made a differance.”

“You can't make choices for other people. You did what was right, and that was all you could do. You can reach down to help somebody out of a pit, but they have to take your hand or it won't work.”

“Geobeet, Thanks!

And I know you`re right about all of it, but I guess I`m standing to close to see it all real good right now, later when there`s time to back off of it I`m hoping I`ll see it different too!

Thanks again!”

“i think what you are doing is the right thing. you may not see that because like you said you are standing to close. i think no motter what your doing or going to do there will always be some level of guilt. just continue to be with him and be there for his family!”

“Maple Leaf,... Thanks sweet one!:)

Your letter was so sweet, I`m sorry I was so long in getting a reply back to you.

Right now there are a lot of us feeling a lot of guilt in that we might not have done all that we could have. We knew and loved his dad too and it happend to him and we all saw it and saw this coming on as well and we still couldn`t head it off and we hurt for it twice and twice as much because of our mistakes. Seems like we just get to caught up in our own lives anymore to reach out, until it`s to late to do any good.

I owe my very life to someone else that stopped not once, but twice one night and didn`t give up on me and got me some help, or I would have died in that wreck.

We all need someone to help us at different times in our lives and I`m thankful there are those that step forward at a time it matters most. Knowing all of that and having had someone do for me when I couldn`t makes this a bitter pill and I`m just torn.

It`ll get better, but right now I just don`t see it like I should.”

“Bigfoot, it comes down to three simple words. YOU'RE NOT GOD!

Once you accept that, you will realize that you were there for him and did what you could. We only have so much power when it comes to loving somebody else and being there for them.

Someone who once helped me committed suicide. The day she did it, I had called her in the morning to tell her how I was doing. She was very distraught and would not tell me why. She ended the conversation, and I thought to myself I would call her next morning to see how she was. The next day I learned she had shot herself.

I was both grief-stricken and totally upset that I had been unable to help this person who had done so much for me. I went home and broke down for the rest of the day.

It took awhile to come to grips with that, but I had noticed that she was distraught, had asked if I could help, and had intended to call the next day to follow up. She did what she did and never gave me that chance. I'm not angry at her, but I eventually realized that she was so caught up in her issues that she would not let anybody help, in fact, would not even let anybody in. She was the one who did it to herself.

Try to go lighter on yourself. You are a good friend, and you tried. You can't do more than that; you can't be more than that. Be there for him in his final days, grieve, and then go on with your life.

You will always be a good friend to anybody you befriend.”

“Geobeet,..you are a special person!

Thanks for just being YOU!”

“Glad to be of help. I hate to see people beat themselves up. There are plenty of people in life who will do it for you without being asked, so you don't need to do it to yourself.

And if you can't find somebody to beat you up, I'll be happy to send some. I have a long line and the people in the back are getting restless.”

“hay i thought i was the special person??

just kidding!

he is rather special aint he heheh”

“Psycho doesn't think so, but then he's getting fat off my tomatoes so what's he got to gripe about. I even help him exercise.”

“Both of you are special, doesn`t take one of those fancy glass balls to see that:)”

“I ought to cut and paste that to show the grumps when they come into the office mad. I always thought the term "hopping up and down mad" was just a figure of speech until I became an editor.”

“yes you are geobeet,
if you were not then he would go to someone elses tomatoe patch.
see how it works.
deep down he really loves you!!”

“Geobeet,... you`ve helped me so I`ll return the favor. At the co-op, or feed stores they sell live traps and they work wonders, won`t hurt your critters and you can relocate his/her stealin` self to more remote parts of the globe, or stur-fried and tossed with some of your veggies should take care of your critter problems;)

Good Luck in all things!”

“I'm already using a Havahart, but the stinking rodent has figured out how to wriggle in, clean out the bait, and back out before the door closes.

I have to say, Psycho is smarter than the Havahart engineers.

Relocation was my first choice, but it looks like it won't work so I will have to go to plan B.

Unless Psycho wants to cooperate under a plea bargain agreement to avoid capital punishment.”

“you may have to fine tune your trap, it`s easy enough done, a few pinch weights on the trip pan should do the trick, just add `em and apply a tiny bit if pressure to the plate until you get it touchy;)

Improve your critter getter!LOL”

“Man, Bigfoot, addiction is a huge subject and can be a very painful one (often more painful for the fam./friends of the addict, then for the addict themselves). If you are interested in or want some info. on dealing w/ it, I have lots for you. It sounds like it may be a bit late for your friend, but keep hope, recovery from extremely powerful and long-standing addiction happens everyday.”

“FYI bigfoot,
my brother was a drinker for many years. but now he gets to sick from drinking so he quit!
its not a very nice reason to do it but it worked.
i come from a family of drinkers. i play around on TT about having a drink every now and then but im very lucky becasue i dont NEED to drink i just do it to relax. the last time i drank was on the trip to DWG in July.
but it runs in my family for many years and i worry about my children. thats why i try not to drink in front of them and if i do go out i try to get home before they go to bed so they see im home ok. so your friend learned from his father and maybe with your help your friends children will learn the right way. i hope you understand what im tring to say if not then im sorry.”

“Thanks new girl, it`s very sweet of you:),.. but his body is shuting down and there`s no hope at all for him they say and you`re right, it is harder on those touched by his life and death struggle.

I`m not stressed out about it like I was, I`m writing like a bandit and turning my thoughts about that around. I`m not keeping anything I write, but it helps me to get my feelings out and forget it.

I`ve been helping him since last year and in doing so it helped me, maybe it helped me more than him and I`m just now seeing it that way. He had so much go wrong with him that my problems didn`t ever seem like much stacked up against it.

Because of him I got out of the house and started doing more and it helped me at a time I needed to get away from myself. We had some fantastic times together, went fishing, hunting and camping, gambling and just riding around and killing time together.

A DWI he got took his driving rights away and it was a good thing too. If he went anywhere he had to have someone take him and I`m not working anywhere yet so I was the one he called most times, I didn`t mind it at all, but it seemed the more anyone would do for him the less he could do for himself.

I wouldn`t take him to buy booze, but he had lots of friends that would in the begining and that caused his first stay in the hospital. Then he was told his liver was three times the normal size for a man of his buld.

That didn`t stop him long from self medicating himself and in no time he couldn`t keep anything down except drink. So I got him back again and got him back on his feet again after a few weeks and he went right back to his old friends and his old ways of doing.

His family had tried and tried and tried to get him help, they took him to places to dry out and each time he would check himself out of there in hours, or days of it. There was nothing more any of them could do if he wouldn`t stay there so, they all gave up on him.

Then the friends tried with him and went through much the same mess and they started falling away from him, all thinking they`d give him time to come around, but they`d stay away until he did.

Then his neighbors helped him out and did more than you could even dream of to help him and went out of their way to be there for him. That failed too and less and less would they just stop in to check on him, or bring him food, or take him to town, or bring stuff back for him, they no longer invited him over to eat with them.

I helped him less and less too, but never refused to take him to buy food, or help him when he`d ask, but I no longer just did things for him like I once did. It got to where it bothered me to hear him tell anyone else that I was his best friend, or that I was like a dad to him.

I still hate that about me, I was ashamed that I was the best he had.

He fell in and out of my life many times over the years, but the two of us were never close until last year and I never looked on us as being close. I like both sides of his family and that was why I was there and why I now feel like I failed him.

I know I tried, I just don`t know if I tried enough, or in the right ways.”

“Maple Leaf,...I do understand and there`s nothing wrong in taking a drink, but it shouldn`t rule your world like it did his. It`s sweet of you and everyone else to care, but I`m fine.

I don`t need to be telling his business here either and I think I better stop it. I just wish I`d quit making mistakes with his life, looks like I`m still doing it:(


Thanks!”

“Well you tried but he rejected your help. What do you think you should have done for him, and why do you think he would have allowed you to do it.

Face it Bigfoot, his addiction was more powerful than your friendship, and from what I read your friendship was very powerful, which speaks to the scope of his addiction.

You can dig a hole in soil with a spade, but you can't dig a hole in rock with a spade.

In the final analysis, you can't tie somebody up against their will to force them to accept help.

It's a tragic ending, but a tragic ending he brought on himself and refused to let you help him out of.

You can't walk up to a person with a ball bat in your hand and bludgeon them into accepting help. They have to reach back and let the help get through. And even then, they want magic answers, not help. There is that old saying that when a person is sick and tired of being sick and tired, they will seek help. And they can begin to recover, if they let that happen. But they have to want to do their part and work for it.

He may have reached out for help, but he failed to grasp your hand. He was not willing to work at it.

You will one day realize that you have cherished memories of a friend you tried to help, but in the final analysis did not accept it.

It's not on you. It's on him. And he'd probably be the first to tell you pretty much what I've told you. And I doubt he'd want you, of all people, blaming yourself. Nobody is responsible for making decisions for other people. You can tell them what they need to hear, but if they choose not to listen then you have done nothing wrong, and a lot right. Hang onto that.”

“Geobeet you`re a good`un and I hope one day to share a fire with you out in nature with no other distractions, not that that`s not distractions enough:)

I started to say we are of like minds, but your`s seems to be working!LOL

I hope to get to know you better, I have a feeling those that do are richer because of it:)

To bad for you, all you`ll get out of the deal is a sorry T-shirt if you`re lucky and me, not much in the way of a fair trade, is it?LOL

Take care!”

“Campfire sounds good.”