Overnighter in Bed-Stuy NY... Any takers ?

“Seeing as I work in the area, I was figuring I might try to put together a little trip in Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. Sure, it might not have all the charm of your typical trail, but despite what everyone says about the place, you can get killed there.

I was thinking about doing the Malcolm X boulevard- Flatlands- Red Hook projects trail. The trip would start most likely on Atlantic Ave and Malcolm X, and end either full of holes in an empty lot or full of holes in the closest emergency room, depending on how lucky you are individually.

As far as recommended equipment goes, there are only a couple of suggestions I have considering the terrain. While there are plenty of water sources, they're squngy at best. I would recommend taking two filters and melting them together, and even then you would have to boil whatever comes out the other end and have it blessed by a catholic priest.(Make sure he washes his hands first. God knows where they've been.) Also, while there are no bears in that neck of the woods, I would bring along the bear spray anyway. It could come in handy, in some of your smaller caliber interactions with the locals. Oh yeah, the locals. The closest thing you'll come to a trail angel will be the guy who yells "ARE YOU OUT YOUR G*D DAMN MIND???!!!!" and fires some warning shots into your fellow hikers bellies. Fires, I'm told, are not really permitted there, but it doesn't seem to stop anyone.

As far as wildlife goes, this is your chance to see the North American Sweaty Whore. You haven't had the Bed Stuy experience 'til you've beaten one of them off you with the old one two. They do travel in packs though, and remember, they can grow up to 3-400 pounds. Burn all your cash or they'll smell it, and remember, all the bear bags in the world won't stop them. Also, you can expect to run into the Fiending Crackhead, sort of like a skunk, except they will perform oral sex on you if they think it'll get them a quarter. Either that, or they'll stab you with a rusty anything. There are no trail registers there, although you can substitute a police report for one. You'll certainly need one of those babies soon after the trip starts.

I don't have a date set yet, but I think anyone interested should know I plan on driving in and parking right by Atlantic- Make sure you have theft coverage and your insurance is paid up.”

“That trip sounds great! I've always wanted to check that area out! I'll dehydrate some dirty water hot dogs for the trip.. sweet!”

“Now that sure would bring back some memories of home... sure Ill go. are you getting all the permits?”

“Permits Shmermits. I'm getting all my shots.”

“Oh dont worry they will provide you with all the shots you need locally :}”

“I bet if you just say stuff like "yo, yo, yo" and "word to your mother" they'll think you're one of them.. you know, like when you're making bird calls out in the woods. Same thing.”

“Are you sure you're not going to Bedford Hills?”

“That bump on the head did something to the guy!”

“count me in. I'll bring the roach motels, colt 45-olde english-crazyhorse 40 oz. variety packs, and Krylon spray paint (for trail marking of course). Don't fergit your Jordans.”

“Hey Nasty, if you see somebody with an inflatable kayak, kill them and take it back to Maple.”

“hay i work in the village so ill be bringing the entertament
can you heshehookers?



thats right geo, and when i get my hands on then..........”

“heshehookers??? Maple, sometimes you scare me.”

“That species of hooker will not survive long in the Bed Stuy environment, I'm afraid.”

“Cpl, did you catch Maple's post that she did get a pix of you with your combat wound???”

“No!!! Where is it?”

“I think she said she is going to try and post it tonight. But her husband is away, so she may have trouble posting it. I just hope it's one with the bandage hanging off your chin.”

“Great. I might need a copy for the lawsuit. I already have DNA evidence.”

“I think they have a counter-claim ready to file against you.”

“ok guys it looks like your going to have to wait till monday cause it seems that im nothing of any use till my hubby gets home.
but its a group shot of everyone sitting down and eating HJ dogs. but its a pretty funny one because you can see corp holding a napkin under his chin and if you look real close you can see blood!!
hay i may even get a noble prize for this shot!!

wwwhhhooyy”