stupid human tricks

“"A fellow from Michigan buys himself a brand-new $30,000 Jeep Grand Cherokee for Christmas. He goes down to his favorite bar and celebrates by tossing down a few too many brews with his buddies. In one of those male-bonding rituals, five of them decide to take his new vehicle for a test drive on a duck hunting expedition. They load up the Jeep with the dog, the guns, the decoys, and the beer, and head out to a nearby lake.

Now, it's the dead of winter, and of course the lake is frozen, so they need to make a hole in the ice to create a natural landing area for the ducks and decoys. It is common practice in Michigan to drive your vehicle out onto the frozen lake, and it is also common (if slightly illegal) to make a hole in the ice using dynamite. Our fellows have nothing to worry about on that score, because one member of the party works for a construction team, and happens to have brought some dynamite along. The stick has a short 20-second fuse.

The group is ready for some action. They're all set up. Their shotguns are loaded with duck pellets, and they have beer, warm clothes and a hunting dog. Still chugging down a seemingly bottomless supply of six-packs, the group considers how to safely dynamite a hole through the ice. One of these rocket scientists points out that the dynamite should explode at a location far from where they are standing. Another notes the risk of slipping on the ice when running away from a burning fuse. So they eventually settle on a plan to light the fuse and throw the dynamite out onto the ice.

There is a bit of contention over who has the best throwing arm, and eventually the owner of the Jeep wins that honor. Once that question is settled, he walks about 20 feet further out onto the ice and holds the stick of dynamite at the ready while one of his companions lights the fuse with a Zippo. As soon as he hears the fuse sizzle, he hurls it across the ice at a great velocity and runs in the other direction.

Unfortunately, a member of another species spots his master's arm motions and comes to an instinctive decision. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and the dog? Yes, the dog: a trained Black Labrador, born and bred for retrieving, especially things thrown by his owner. As soon as the stick leaves his hand, the dog sprints across the ice, hell-bent on wrapping his jaws around the enticing stick-shaped object.

Five frantic fellows immediately begin hollering at the dog, trying to get him to stop chasing the dynamite. Their cries fall on deaf ears. Before you know it, the retriever is headed back to his owner, proudly carrying the stick of dynamite with the burning 20-second fuse. The group continues to yell and wave their arms while the happy dog trots towards them. In a desperate act, its master grabs his shotgun and fires at his own dog.

The gun is loaded with duck shot, and confuses the dog more than it hurts him. Bewildered, he continues towards his master, who shoots at man's best friend again. Finally comprehending that his owner has become insane, the dog runs for cover with his tail between his legs. And the nearest cover is right under the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Boom! The dog and the Jeep are blown to bits, and sink to the bottom of the lake, leaving a large ice hole in their wake. The stranded men stand staring at the water with stupid looks on their faces, and the owner of the Jeep is left to explain the misadventure to his insurance company. Needless to say, they determined that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered under their policy, and the owner is still making $400 monthly payments on his brand-new Jeep at the bottom of the lake."
Haven't seen it in any of the old threads. Just getting me a quick fix.
c-ya later”

“someone posted this last winter.”

“Prolly what is the stupidess theeng that peeple do is smell stinky butts. I am barressed when my daddy smells girly butts!

The nother time they was in the room that got the kweeng sides bed. My daddy was smellin her stinky butt and she was MAD! She was yellin at my daddy and sayed some perty bad werds. Then I gess she was feelin sawry for my daddy and started sayin prayin. She sayed "Oh Jebus! oh Jebus! oh Jebus! oh Jebus Gawd! Jebus Gawd! OH GAAAAAAAAAAAWD!!!"

Then in a minit my daddy stopped smellin her stinky butt and they jus resseld. My daddy resseld her up perty good! I wanted to ressel to but my daddy sayed "GET OUT!" so I went out side and resseld Gissmo and smelled his stinky butt.”

“what was the thread title? you recall? i want to read it.

i found a bunch.

"Robert, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale, California, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Shovestall's wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband's 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate their safety.
A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but was killed when he landed on his head.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet, didn't put enough postage on a letter bomb, and it came back marked "return to sender." He opened the package and was blown away.

Two animal rights activists were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn by freeing a captive herd. Suddenly all two thousand of pigs stampeded through the gate they were opening, and trampled the hapless protesters to death.

News of the Weird reports that in September 1996 a man was crushed to death on a stairway at the Sammis Real Estate and Insurance office in Huntington, N.Y., while he was stealing the office's 600-pound safe. He apparently violated that cardinal rule of hauling massive objects: Never stand on a step lower than the one the safe is on. The safe was empty at the time of the incident.

In San Jose, California, Herman, an avid hunter, used the butt of his shotgun to bash his girlfriend's windshield during an argument. But his loaded gun accidentally discharged into his stomach, killing him and ending the argument.

"I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure."
sarabelle- my smell is returning. i still cannot smell butts w/out getting really close.

i'm lookin up "TRUE STORIES" later.

breaks over”

“LMAO @ sarabelle.....”

“I don't recall seeing it in another thread, that was pepperDog. I just recognized it as something I'd seen on the urban legends webpage, and also as the modification of an urban legend I'd heard as a child, regarding the Russians training dogs with mines on them to run under tanks.”

“i gotta slow down.”

“G'girl, sarabelle!

Thanks for cheering me up this morning.

G'girl!”

“Belle - stop lying for your daddy.

Trik1 - I don't remember the thread title but it was sometime last winter (that should narrow it down for you!!).”

“Oh god, gotta laugh quietly! Shhhhhhhh!”

“(February 1982, Arizona) Desert marksmen aim their weapons at Saguaro cacti so frequently that Arizona was forced to declare the "sport" a felony. Offenders risk a $100,000 fine and three years in prison. But that doesn’t stop sharpshooters like 27-year-old David, who opened fire on a Saguaro in 1982 and was killed when it fell on him.
He reportedly fired two slugs from a 16-gauge shotgun at a 27-foot cactus, and began to shout, "Timber!" He only had enough time to utter the first syllable before a 23-foot section of the prickly plant fell and crushed him beneath its spiky skin.”

“(25 March 1993)
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man killed by his own gas. There were no marks found on his body, but an autopsy revealed the presence of large amounts of methane dissolved in his blood.

His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage, just the right combination of foods to produce a severe gas attack. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.

Had his windows been open, the flatulence wouldn't have been fatal, but the man was shut up in a nearly airtight bedroom. He was an obese man with an unlimited capacity for creating the deadly gas. Three rescuers became sick and one was hospitalized.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carl Sagan determined that aliens could deduce the presence of carbon-based life on Earth by spectral analysis of our atmosphere. Detection of methane would prove continuous bioproduction of the molecule, since it breaks down rapidly in contact with oxygen. He further demonstrated that the largest single source of methane in our atmosphere is from bovine flatulence, with particularly large concentrations above the cattle producing states of the US and in Argentina. A single cow fart is significantly larger than a human's production all day.

An odd claim from Arthur Henry: "The reference to cow farts is incorrect. Cows, like hippos, emit methane as a result of belching from their mouths; not from farting from their other ends. This is because they hold their food in a partially digested state in their multiple stomachs until it is useable for nutrition lower down."

The whole story is disputed by Ian A. York and Kenneth T. Lim, who say: "Refer to to York's research on the volume and quantity of flatulence, and the fact that methane molecules break down very rapidly in the presence of oxygen. If you multiply the total volume of air in an average bedroom by 21% (for the percent of oxygen in air) you will arrive at a figure far greater than that needed to dissipate a mere 6 liters of pure methane, a figure way too high for flatulence, which is not 100% methane."

New alert! Iain says we left out a crucial part: "I heard that when three men entered the room to figure out just what was happening, they also inhaled a great amount of the gas, and all three were hospitalized for methane poisoning. None died."

David F. Mayer says, "Methane Gas Is NON-Toxic. It does not support respiration, but neither does ANY other gas except oxygen. Like all non-toxic gases, including nitrogen, it causes suffocation."”

“Sarabell, did your daddy remeber to turn off the VCR and deflate his friend after the butt-sniffin?”

“You weren't in the tent with my brother-in-law after eating Mountain House Spaghetti! I"m SURPRIZED it didn't die!”

“Hey, at least the stuff tastes good!

The Mountain House Spaghetti, that is...”

“NO, IT DOESN'T.

Never eaten it since!”

“Well someone's spaghetti was good...Richmoor maybe...”

“5 September 1999, Jerusalem In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year.

Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time.

At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions.

The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.


too stupid too live.”

“Lol at Sarabelle.
Someone's gotta tell Sarabelle about the birds and the bees.

Trik1, another one on guns...this cop on duty (taking a break) visits his cop buddy (at his house) in another district. When his buddy was fixing him something to eat/drink, the on-duty cop put one of his bullets into his buddy's gun. He pointed the gun at his own temple and pulled the trigger....blowing his brains out. Turned out not all revolvers rotate in the same direction. His revolver rotated anti-clockwise and his buddy's rotate clockwise.

My friend and I found this out by accident also. We were at a shooting range...blasting away. We were down to 2 bullets...we decided to swap guns for the last shot (one for him and one for me). Naturally we put the last bullet into the cyclinder...pointed the gun at the targets and fired...nothing happened...we both thought it was a misfire...we waited 30 seconds with the gun still pointed down range. Then we opened the cyclinder and saw that there was no firing pin mark on the bullet. We rotated the cyclinder to it's proper position and fired again...nothing happened again...it's then we both realized that our revolvers rotate in different directions. He owns a Smith and Wesson and I own a Dan Wesson. Hope some gun owners learn something from my post.”

“when i was in college(hold the jokes please) a guy here robbed a liquor store....on foot.....during a snow storm.......














cops just followed his footsteps to his front door.”

“British man to bet entire worth on single spin of the roulette wheel

I hope he's at least smart enough to pick a single-zero wheel...”

“Gambler's Anonymous...calling Gambler's Anonymous.

I hope doesn't kill himself after he loses his money....which he definitely will.”

“News Of The Weird

An 18-year-old man drowned near Eudora, Arkansas in December when he accidentally fell into a pit of water while attempting to drown his pit bull (which he thought was too old and docile), and the man's father also drowned when he jumped in to save his son.

The dog survived.”

“Unca Chuck is smiling...”

“If he wins, he'll write a book.If he loses, he'll write a book.If he backs out before sunday,he'll write a book.”

“He won...”

“"I'm still against it," said his Dad. "He shouldn't have done it. He's a naughty boy. I tell my kids they shouldn't gamble. I've got four others and they're all going to want to go the same way."”

“I wonder if the idiot would do it again. Play with fire enough times and you will get burned.”

“Not a stupid human trick, assuming it was insured, which the article implies.
Maybe a stupid human trick on the insurance companies part.”

“Stupid humans!”

“bitpusher - I liked the story about the moose and the roses from your second link - again a bit of a stupid human trick”

“Do fences not exist in Sweden? damn...”

“Man burns down trailer after beers, Day After Tomorrow


Now that's gotta become a country song, ya know?”

“um.... 9 or 10 beers... and a trailer home.... methinks he wasn't working with a full deck to begin with....”

“Hey, now don't knock the Georgia State Pastime, pink!”

“LOL...and to top it all, he was from "Crisp County".... LOL!!”

“Seriously though, trailers are a very popular and sometimes even upscale living arrangement down here. My wife has a great-aunt whose kids moved her into a trailer after the two-room shack she raised 11 kids in became dangerously tumbledown. She loves it.”

“oh, I know, some of the Trailers or "modular homes" are quite nice-- i've seen a few at some builders shows around here. Amazingly, you can't even tell that they are "trailers".... but anyone to do what he did.... was probably a few potato chips short of a full bag....”

“A Pennsylvania woman who was struck by a train has sued the rail company — for failing to warn her that trains travel on railroad tracks.

Patricia M. Frankhouser filed suit on Nov. 4 seeking damages in excess of $30,000 from Norfolk Southern Corp. (search), according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.

Last January, Frankhouser was hit by a train as she walked along railroad tracks in her hometown of Jeannette, Pa., a southeastern suburb of Pittsburgh.

Amazingly, she came away from the encounter with only a broken finger, some cuts and, according to the lawsuit, "pain."

Apparently, however, the incident was traumatic enough for her to hire a lawyer.

"Defendant's failure to warn plaintiff of the potential dangers negligently provided plaintiff with the belief she was safe in walking near the train tracks," Frankhouser's suit asserts.

It goes on to state that Norfolk Southern, based in Norfolk, Va., should have posted signs warning passersby "of the dangers of walking near train tracks and that the tracks were actively in use."


Nowhere in the filing does it say whether Frankhouser heard the train coming, why she failed to get out of the way or even whether she was walking alongside or in between the rails.

Her attorney did not return the Tribune-Review's call.

Link”

“Believe it or not, there are all kinds of signs up here and tracks are fenced off in populated areas.”

“please let the judge not only throw the case out, but fine her ass for wasting the courts time.

please please please”

“Thinning the herd!

That is funny”

“I have a funny feeling they will find that drugs or alcohol are involved.”

“I am guessing it will be the alcohol part”

“Darwin winner?”

“Insufficient data...”