It's about time some one invented this!! !

“September 9’s edition of the Ice Tea Press
After spending many years in the woods on overnight trips and reading commentary of fellow backpackers at TT and other websites I have found the solution for backpacker’s number one problem.

I know as a backpacker how difficult it can be to keep up with a faster backpacking buddy. I know it can becomes annoying when you’re so called buddy is 10 miles down the trail and you are still snapping pictures of the trailhead. Until now, that slow hiker would have to hike faster to catch up and miss out on the vitals of backpacking. You know, spending about a half an hour taking pictures of this new species, it is called a North American Red Squirrel, and you must take an especially long time to get close to it, for it is sleeping in the center of the road. Yah just don’t want to miss out on things like this. So I have a solution!

For a low cost of $19.50 I will send you a five piece set of fastpacker weights. These weights will slow down that obnoxious hiker that blazes by you on the trail. And they look, feel, smell, and taste just like real rocks, but when your hiking buddy will never know the difference between them and real rocks. When he/she looks through their pack they will only see what they believe to be real rocks and think to them self “hum I am sure that I put these rocks in my pack for some reason, I just can’t think of it now, but I will continue to carry these rocks until I can think of the reason”. See how well that scenario worked, you get to hike a your pace with your friends and they won’t notice that you purposely slowed them down. Now isn’t that nice.


Previous backpacking gear threads by me:

September 2nd edition of the Ice Tea Press
"After spending many years in the woods on overnight trips and reading commentary of fellow backpackers at TT and other websites I have found the solution for backpacker’s number one problem.

After a hard day at work most American come home and connect to their TI720 (the most common model among Americans by 85%) and release any built up tension that was cause by staring at a computer screen for too long or what ever. But most backpackers neglect to massage their eye whites and their optic nerves, because the TI720 is just too large to carry and the EGK 900 is still to big and even less effective. Yet, in the backcountry it is even more of a necessity to maintain good eye posture and healthy eye whites. For when you hike, the eyes tent to look around more, whether it be for rocks not to trip over, or a rampaging bear coming down the path. Lets face the facts, if you don’t take care of your eyes in the woods your oblemzatmine may be come disconnected and who knows what will happen then. If you are not using the TI720 or the EGK 900, what are you using?

I have come up with an innovation on the TI720 building on the concepts of the EGK 900. All that you need can be found in the common household. A plastic spoon, a sponge (preferably none latex based, but if it has any soma in it that wont due either) and a turkey baster (the thing that you suck up the juice from a turkey and spray over the bird when it is in the oven), and 2 oz of crazy glue some duct tape. Directions are as follows:

Directions:
Duct tape the baster to the spoon in a parallel fashion with the squirting end start of the bowl in the spoon. Trim down the sponge to fit easily in the bowl part of the sponge. Make sure that the sponge is exactly 1/32 of an inch for any lack of precision this tool will leave your oblemzatmine in disarray. Then crazy glue the sponge to the bowl part of the spoon.

To use your new TK 3000 just apply it to the back of your eye like the TI720 except for squishing the baster to get full suction.

I hope this gear innovation will help you just as much as it has helped me. My eyes feel so much better when I hike now"
Ice Tea
08:58:07 PM
09/02/02”

“$hit on a bisquit, boy, who wants to read all that crap???”

“actually Tea.. that's pretty creative”

“pretty funny stuff”

“i prefer a stun gun, but hey, i'll give it a shot. who do i make the check out to?”

“if it was violin you could paint the rocks to look like turds and he'd think everything was normal.....”

“actually, for only $8.95, I have found I can buy a twelve pack....

If you sneak that into the fast hikers pack, it not only slows him down, it allows you to have a nice frosty adult beverage after a day of hiking.”

“$8.95 a twelve pack? What #&%!$ you drinking chili?”

“Miller Lite......”

“actually, it has been about $7.99 at the convenience store,,a little less than that at Rite Aid,,,and about 2 and a half bucks less in Arkansas”

“i'd rather have chili's #&%!$ than the #&%!$ in YOUR pack, Violin!
;-) actually, Miller Lite is pretty yummy!”

“oh yeah, and this is hilarious, Tea!!”

“good, then I will keep posting them every monday”

“I've seen that done on a trip before; not to slow someone down, but rather just for #&%!$s and giggles. He really started complaining about how is pack seemed much heavier and how he couldn't understand it. Talk about funny stuff. The best part is we took them out right before we hit camp, and put them back in the next day. He went for about 3 days without knowing they were in there.”

“At the end of the day, the presidents of several US beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asks Jim Koch what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Koch orders a Coke! "Why don't you order a Sam Adams?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."”

“A new nasal spray aphrodisiac for women that works in minutes may soon hit the market, according to a Local 6 News report.

Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses.

http://www.local6.com/news/5347978/detail.html”

“The question is then how do you get them in the mood to shoot the spray up their nose?”

“Shut up and hold still Ruby!!! This will only take a second!!!

LOL
last edited: 11/28/05 2:27:06 PM”

““The question is then how do you get them in the mood to shoot the spray up their nose?”
Ruby
3:24:20 PM
11/28/05
ignore this user

Easy, just find a woman with a cold.”

“I'm thinking a variation on the old squirting carnation trick.”

“Tonight I will dream of filling up a fire extinguisher with this stuff and running through the halls of the sorority house.”

“LOL”

“Having this spray will get me in a whole lot less trouble than when I tried to get in the women's prison on visitors' day with a briefcase full of forged pardons”

“Ruby, easy. You just put it in their favorite nasal inhaler.

Wife: Honey, I'm a little stuffy, could you get my inhaler?

Husband: <chuckling> Here ya go honey!”

“Do a lot of people use those things? I never do. I never put anything up my nose anymore, at least not since my hard partying days.”

“You really shouldn't, they're not good for you and only provide temporary relief. But there are a lot of inhaler-delivered nasal steroids now.”

“A friend of mine was telling me how his room mate has a "friend with benifits" and said they hooked up 5 or 6 times a year. I said "Only 5 to 6 times a year? That's not a friend with benifits. That's a wife!"”

“What are the benefits? Laundry? Housecleaning?”

“Only 5 or 6 times a year??????????


If that's true, then I'm never getting married again.”

“You know the number one source for killing a sex drive is wedding cake.”

“I thought it was kids.”

“I would go with the kids, although, getting married was our problem.

Actually, dating for as long as we did before we got married is what killed it for us.”

“Back to the original topic, I can imagine all kinds of abuses of this sort of thing, especially if it ends up being cheap to produce. Something on the order of putting it in a cold water vaporizer in the bathroom, or something like that.”

“A face mask?



"I don't know why I keep waking up so horny."”

“Methinks that would be a little obvious...”

“I think they should make them in the form of those Glade Plug In Wizard things women always have spread throughout the house.
last edited: 11/28/05 4:01:36 PM”

“Yes, they might as well have some purpose, aside from making the house smell like a courtesan's boudoir.”

“It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "This is a good place for a stick up.".”

“OMG, Nigal! That's hilarious! (Or do I just have a dirty mind?)”

“Yes and yes.”

“In the grocery store:

Excuse me...do these cantelopes smell ripe to you?”

“Or that woman who sprays perfume on other women as they pass by.

Would you like to try Desire? Pssht!
last edited: 11/28/05 4:16:37 PM”

“I think I may have a new career. The pay isn't much, but the benefits are great.”

“Actually, this reminds me of a concept from Larry Niven's works of science fiction, called a tasp. A tasp works by stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain, from a short distance. In Niven's Known Space universe, taspers hide in urban settings and tasp passersby, for fun. People who get to liking it too much become wireheads when they get a wire and a permanent socket installed in their head for more direct stimulation of the brain.

I knew Wikipedia had a lot of stuff in it, but this blows my mind: They have an entry for tasp...
last edited: 11/28/05 4:28:56 PM”