For Biz, sick at home

“VOLUME 31 ISSUE 16 — 29 APRIL 1997
Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts

WASHINGTON, DC—In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes of Ämerica.

"Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK).

An upcoming redesign of the Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background.

A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."

Thanks to The Onion”

“biz is sick at home?.... sorry to hear that...”

“LMAO lizs, the Onion Rocks!

Get well Biz”

“Fever ragging and you got the shakes
head hot as a pistol, your body aches
sounds like you got something serious wrong with your head
are you nuts girl, don`t go to work, get your butt back in bed
as far as there being something wrong with your head, only time will tell
take the day off, put your feet up, get some rest, I hope you hurry and get well”

“I always knowed that Biz wuz hot.

GET WELL SOON”

“Hope you feel better soon, Biz.”

“Try not to puke on anything expensive, <GRIN>.”

“OVER-HYDRATED AGAIN????”