10 things not to say to a cop

“1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"”

“Good morning.
Nice to see you back to your usual self.”

“#3!!”

“hey ML! i saw where you said you had a drink for me last night...that was very sweet. and i THOUGHT i felt a little tipsy!
;-)”

“feeling a little tipsy is the understatment of the day!
I hope it brought a little smile to you!
I think the people that live next to me thinks my nuts!”

“From your typing, it looks like you may still be tipsy. ;)”

“"thinks my nuts"
hay you should not be thinking about my......

oh never mind!”

“Q. Do you know why I pulled you over?

A. You thought I had doughnuts?

A. To pass the time until retirement?

A. Because you were tired of harassing teenagers at Kmart?

A. You figured my constitutional rights needed some infringing.

A. To pretend I was breaking some law.

A. Just to ask me a stupid question.

A. You're testing out your new emergency lights?

A. Poor parenting on your mother's part.

A. Because the real criminals are too hard to catch.

A. You're down on your quota?

A. Because I have tinted windows and you thought I might be black?

A. Because you can.”

“1. Can you hand me your gun?
2. Whatever you do, don't search my trunk.
3. What exactly is "legally drunk"?
4. So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
5. I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record.
6. Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three?
7. I want your badge number and your superior officer's name right now!
8. Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
9. What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?
10. There is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
11. Are you just mad at me 'cause you couldn't go to college?
12. Come on write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
13. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Doughnuts has a 3 for 1 special!
14. Can I borrow that pen? Thanks, just wanna break it so ya can't write me up!
15. Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
16. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
17. You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
18. Bad cop! No donut!
19. Didn't I see you get beat up last week on "COPS"?
20. (chant) Rodney King! Rodney King!
21. When you smack the heck outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
22. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
23. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.”

“LMAO!

How bout' - F-You Pig.”

“Say, you're a pig, right? Do you know how to squeal like one?”

“Q. Do you know why I pulled you over?

A. My name is Buddur?”

“Be nice...they have heard it all and know more legal ways to hurt you than you can imagine.”

“To a female cop:
"Is that my engine overheating or just you?"”

“Especially in Southern California:

"I'm a big Henry Rollins fan..."”

“i've never been pulled over before, but if it ever happens, i intend to cry.

(Henry Rollins DOES rock! his spoken-word stuff, anyhoo...)”

“"Hey, You're cute!" To same gender cop!”

“lyra: it works for my wife's best friend. Of course, it probably doesn't hurt that she's so hot you could fry eggs on her...


And Henry does rock...even the non-spoken-word stuff...lol....”

“lyra - I know women who say crying helps them get out of a ticket. On the other hand, I have a friend who says he ALWAYS gives a crying woman a ticket, especially if she is cute. Sometimes he lets ugly women off with a warning out of sympathy (he meant that in a very humane way...although it doesn't sound good the way I said it).”

“Sure I was speeding. Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you were the same cop trying to bring my wife back.”

“Can someone pass me a tissue? I can't stop laughing! My eyes hurt from all the tears! You ain't right! ALL of you! LOLOLOL!”

“cop; can i see yer liscence sir?



cheech[pointing]; isn't it back there on the bumper man?”

“#5 The guy who gave me my ticket in WY looked like Opie (not the TT Opie). I wanted to ask him if he was old enough to drive.”

“I think I'll wait till I get home to open that one.”

“It's a legit news source. Those Cops must be Gay!
last edited: 12/09/05 3:04:49 PM”

“I once tried to bride a cop. Slipped a fitty in with the license and reg.

He went back to his car, then came back and handed me the bill. He said, sorry pal, that is not enough.”

“i've only had two beers officer.”

“I'm just driving this way to piss you off.”

“I've got to pee reaaaaallly bad.
(hold on..that one works. Of course you need to be 8 months pregnant when you use it..worked for me)”

“Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

I brake for no apparent reason.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

I'd like to see it from your viewpoint, but I can't get my head that far up my ass”

“I'm not waving, its the finger.”

“stove stomper, about a year before the hubby retired from the police department he was very safely at the end of a police chase on interstate 275 where the bad guys were firing uzi's from the car windows. one officer was hit in the temple but continued the chase. they were apprehended later that night.”

“bad cop no donut”

“When I was in high school, I went to a school concert/dance at the high school of a lot of my friends. One kid showed up tripping his brains out. I was trying to help keep him out of trouble when walked up to a cop, touched his jacket and asked:

"What does pig mean?"”

“dont lie. it was you”

“Tripping in highschool.....how foul is that

I at least waited until I was 18 years old!!”