The Onion strikes again...

“And the libs want to disarm us all because the Keystone Kops will protect us. God help us all, LOL!
Bit, where DO you come up with this $hit??? Too funny.”

“I'm not sure if I should be suprised this took place in Mi. or that it DID'NT take place in Fl.”

“Barney Fife changed his name to Dan Nichols...”

“I'm a little embarrassed!”

“Around my neighborhood, Al-Queda memebrs have taken to selling Girl Scout Cookies.

It's a pretty cool deal though because if you buy 3 boxes of "Friendship circles" and 3 "Caramel delights" they put you on a phone tree to warn you of future terrorist attacks. They don't identify themselves as Al-Queda, but the beards, the accents and the ill fitting uniforms are usually a dead give away.”

“BTW: When they call, they just call to invite you to a Friends and Neighbors Bahamas night festival. If you get the invite: GO!”

“ha! that's too funny, bitpusher :-)

ped, you're NUTZ!”

“The most surprising thing is that public servants don't get some sort of little "fact sheet" upon entering their job that tells them, among other things, that The Onion is not a real newspaper. There are a lot of instances of this happening.

Some people will believe anything they read. L. Ron, anybody?”

“Wait a minute. "The Invaders' Plan' was a great book!”

“My wife has family in Coldwater. Now that explains a lot! : 0

j/k”

“Just as long as you don't say that "Battlefield Earth" was a good movie...”

“After having read the book many years ago, I couldn't bring myself to watch the movie.”

“Good choice! It was awful...”

“How sad that your reactive mind kept you from enjoying the works of Elron and the wonderful screen adaptation by courageous and inspired Scientologists.

- Nutz (sorry, too lazy to register this as a troll name!)”

“WEll, y'know, one born every minute.”

“Oh, I enjoy the works of Elron. It's the idiots that trash his entertaining science fiction novels in feeble attempts to conjure up motion pictures from them that skeer me.”

“The people at the Onion should be ashamed of themselves for trying to pass off such foolishness as a legitimate news item.”

“what a goober!! :-D and i destroyed all your fun, moooaahaahaahaa!”

“LOL! The onion really hits the nail on the head sometimes!”

“




Trustee seeks apology for spoof photo

Parents opposing a school program used a picture from a satirical newspaper on their pamphlets.

MARISSA NELSON, Free Press Education Reporter

A school board trustee is demanding an apology from a parents' group that used a fake photo from a satirical newspaper on its pamphlets opposing the expansion of a safe schools policy. Simply Truths Our Priority, or STOP, handed out pamphlets and computer discs with a 300-page book of Internet research outside a public meeting last week.

The session was a chance for the Thames Valley District school board to get input on its plan to expand the safe schools program -- a move to protect gay and lesbian students.

But STOP argues the board is changing the curriculum and will promote a homosexual lifestyle in schools.

"Satire is apparently lost on rigid individuals," said London trustee Peter Jaffe. "Taking something from a spoof newspaper and presenting it as reality crosses the line. (The photo) plays on people's worst fears. I would hope this group will make a full and public apology."

The photo shows a teacher at the front of a class with explicit sexual images and terms drawn on the board and is supposed to represent one of the "countless" classrooms where homosexuality is promoted.

The picture was copied from the Onion, a satirical newspaper from the United States. The headline of the 1998 story says, " '98 homosexual drive nearing goal."

The story, written out of San Francisco, goes on to say children are being successfully recruited into homosexuality because of the "gay lobby's infiltration of America's public schools."

Marilyn Ashworth of STOP said it's concerned the photo represents what will end up in this region's schools if the board goes ahead with its plan.

"We knew it was a gay paper and we hold that even as a joke, the gay community is proud of their advancements into the safe schools program in the U.S.," she said. "We don't think homosexuality in schools is a joke."

Asked whether she believed it was a real photo, Ashworth said the caption included the teacher's name, city, state and grade.

"We researched in depth and that was one of the things we found," she said, noting the group spent seven weeks accumulating research.

"We don't come by our findings lightly. . . . Whether it was meant to be a joke or not, it's not funny to parents who are trying to protect their children."

Other headlines on the archival page are: Antique dealer sick of appraising smurf collections and Orgy a logistical nightmare.

Sean Mills, president of the Onion, laughed when he heard the news.

"The motto the writers have is we're not going after the right or the left, we're just going after people who are dumb," Mills said.

"We're anti-dumb, we're not anti-anything else . . . They're proving our point. It's a ridiculous notion there'd be recruitment going on. That was the whole point."

Mills said the photo is fake, the Onion has nothing to do with STOP and isn't a gay paper.

"In some ways, if you're going to a satirical news source to prove a serious point . . . you're getting what you deserve."

Trustee Peggy Sattler said she wonders if STOP knew it was a fake photo.

Trustee Linda Stevenson said the photo calls into question the legitimacy of STOP's 300 pages.

"It's not worth the paper it's written on."”

“Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You've done everything in your power to destroy ignorance among your fellow humans, but apparently, one of them is still dumb enough to marry Billy Joel.”

“LOL”

“Now that we again realize that VFR pilots know jack #&%!$ about navigating around restricted airspace, go read the above two for a laugh.”

“those pics are a riot!! the toast one & the SUV one are my faves.”

“I like the Swiss Army phone.”

“and the "guys gone wild"...LOL!!”

“The mesquite bbq Visine made me cringe! I did like the tires, though!”

“The SUV and Muhammed Ali had me howling!”

“i liked the swiss army phone and the menstru alert. heehee,oh, and the men gone wild.

My favorite: the second link to the cheerleader banned page.”

“Man, I love The Onion. Makes my day when I read it :-)”

“:( I dont drink milk once the exp date arrives......matter of fact I dont eat any food that is on its last day of exp......I had a bad experience one time :P”

“My daughter is forever bringing milk that hasn't reached its expiration date out to me and asking is it bad. She gets a speech similar to the one in that column when she does.”

“I know the guy who invented the date stamp on milk cartons, Mr. Vansteenkiste, the father of a childhood soccer teammate. He patented it but never became rich for some reason... but he did lose his thumb along the way.

Kinda interesting in some trivial way anyway.”

“Heh, that is interesting.

I know the guy whose dad invented Mt. dew, but they did get rich off of that and now his family has a lifetime supply of Mt Dew.

Lucky lucky man ;)”

“... the driver one is like me and everyone I know.

Country life (sigh) I'm getting a little misty - those crashes give us all a bad name.”

“How to host a barbeque

Step 1 is my favorite.”

“Steps 7 and 9 are mine...”

“i like 9 the best. too funny!


but i like veggie burgers....still ain't a hippie!”

“LMAO”

“That's hilarious!”

“I prefer a portobello burger to a beef burger. I'll take a steak over anything but I'm just not much of a burger fan.”

“As a vegetarian, I really enjoyed the last one!”

“i hate websense.

Apparantly "The Onion" is classified as an Alternative Journal.”