Trip report Buffalo Nat'l River-trip fro m HeII

“8.2 miles to float down river...7.9 miles to hike back to the car on the BRT...no problems...yeah RIGHT!!!! NOT!!!

This was to be my first solo float trip...just me, Khatru, the river and God, then a nice short hike back to the car...go and pick up the "Toking Bunnie" and head home...the original plan was to head out friday nite...get to Steele Creek and camp...hit the water first thing sat morn...float down...camp sat nite and then hike back to the car on Sun morn...and be home in the early eveing..If this was a perfect universe, that's how it would have gone down...but this isn't a perfect universe and the Buffalo National River and I have the particular relationship going that whatever can happen to me, usually does.

This is HOW it actually went down...and I am not embellishing this story...cause, frankly, it does not need embellishment.

Fri night...leaving work at 4...and am feeling way too tired to drive 6.5 hours...so I stay home and decide to get up at 4 am to do the drive...well that don't happen either, cause I stayed up too late talking with Stratusloop and Lizs on the pc, then Lizs on the phone...and yes...we are an item...just in case a few of you cared and didn't read it elsewhere. I still had to pack the gear at 11pm...duh...eventually, I get to bed...only to get up 2 more times for items that I forgot to put into the bags...sleep...ahhhhh rest...oh yeah...I reset the alarm for 7am...ok...7 am arrives...up, shower...gear...dog...gone...mcdonalds...gas...now really gone...yay....coffee...mcmuffin...a long drive ahead of me...arrive at steele creek at 1 pm...unload...pack canoe...hit the creek...what!!! no water...np...I'll drag the boat till I hit water...I'm dragging for 1/2 hour and haven't hit the water yet, I look up to see a sheer bluff staring at me, and at that point the realization that I am on the river slapped me in the face...WHERE WAS THE STINKIN WATER!?!?!?!? I fugured it was just around the corner at the bluff...so I go on another 15 minutes...and there was a small pool @100' in length...(oh yeah...I forgot ((really, I just didn't bring it, I didn't forget))...didn't bring the cell phone, so I couldn't call ahead and check on water levels for this section...big mistake!)

So I get in and start paddling, Im elated, cause up till this time...I had been cursing, screaming and ranting, I looked up to God and said "is that all you got?" I did it...hahaha...(note top self: never taunt God in a holy place). The lovely pool that I had been floating on for @ 5 minutes, abruptly ended...and more rock...gravel and no water to float on. At this point I was over an hour into the ordeal...and I started to laugh uncontrollably...and all of a sudden I lost my tension and really felt better...the alternative was to cry. there was no way I was going to paddle back and drag the boat and gear back to the car...there had to be more river up ahead...

Just to let you all know...there was much stupidity at work here on this trip, cause had I been less "manly" and less stupid...I'd a turned tail and gone back to the car and said...I quit, God, you win...but did I do this...NO!!!! I kept going on till I was way past the point of no return...

I must say though, even though the skies weren't blue, the scenery was outstanding and intense...I was @ 1 week past peak color time, but it was still overwhelming and awe inspiring.

so...for 4.5 hours, I did this float, drag, push, toss routine. each time I had to get out of the canoe, Khatru did also...he really stayed out of my way and I made headway...but the river (as I have known it on previous trips) never materialized. finally at the 4.5 hour mark...I ran smack out of river...I had been pulling and pushing the canoe through a particularly tight and long dry stretch (and some of these dry stretches were 200-300 yards in length) I came right to a dead end...the river just dissappeared, under a large cliff.

I was just standing there with my hands on my hips and no breath left in my body...and I heard a voice ask me "looking for something?" I looked up the back to see 4 campers and said "Yes, the river". They said "It ain't here, it goes underground"...I said in as non-insolent voice that I could muster "you must be kidding, where's the f__kin river, It must be here, somewhere". I asked them if this was Horseshoe Bend, and they said yep (3.7 miles I had dragged, pushed and pulled, tossed and floated) The 4 guys then asked me if that was my dog...I asked them if he ate any of there food, they said that he licked the dirty pots and pans clean and ate all there leftovers...I said is it a husky yep they replied, "ain't my dog"I said back...they craked up so hard!!! They invited me to hang with them for the night...saying something about it looked like I needed a rest and that I might have an interesting and funny story to tell them.

They had a real nice fire...so I found a place to pitch my tent...I was praying for no rain as I brought the NF tent that leaked on me in Utah...it didn't rain...but as I was setting up the tent....I had no stakes...took them out after Utah...and didn't repack them...I also had no lid for my pot....I felt like some GD amateur out there. anyway...

I beached the Bunnie and thought that somebody should snap a photo of me in my dazed state...but I never acted upon the thought...all I could think of was sit and EAT!!! I was so stinkin hungry...thats all I could think about.

Let me tell you...we laughed and laughed all night long...these guys were the best...We were sitting around the fire smoking cigars and I was contemplating the morning and how I was going to proceed in case I found no water up around the bend near "Hemmend In Hollow"...

Plan A: chain and lock the bunnie up to a tree and hide it till the spring and the river was up...I'd come back for her then and float out.

Plan B: carry it on my back, out 2.1 miles along the old river trail to Kyles.

Plan C: well, there was no plan C (at this point of the evening)

finally, We all went to our seperate tents and fell to sleep...it took me 3 seconds and I was gone!!! Never in my life had I ever exerted energy in such a manner...I was exhausted.

Morning came...I took a . 5 mile hike following the "DRY" river bed...weird to know that usually where I was walking was covered in feet of water...but not now. I got discouraged and headed back and was mentally steeling myself up for the Plan B option and was preparing my gear to be left behind, cause I would have to make a trip to Kyles with the canoe...hike back in to pickup the gear and then continue to Steele and pick up my vehicle and go back to Kyles and fetch the Bunnie.

But, once again, these guys blew me away!, they said that they would help carry the canoe out along the trail as that was the way they were going and then take me back to my car as they had to go back to Steele Creek to get there second car. I was dumbstruck by this offer...here were 4 angels of God, sent to rescue me in my time of need...I will have to do good deeds for a month of sunday's just to pay back the karmic forces of goodness that were being bestowed upon me.

So...the 5 of us moved onward down the trail, carrying the bunnie, and my pack now on my back stuffed with almost everything, just to make the canoe as light as possible.

We stopped at a small cabin on the trail, and one of the guys yelled over to me to come and look at something...WATER!!!! down the steep cliff was water in the river...I was overjoyed...I was saying "just get me down there, and I'm off your hands"...the trail rounded the bend and went straight to the river...I launched myself and the guys took Khatru with them and headed off down the trail...we crossed paths all the time...eventually, Khatru just stayed with me...but, the pool of water was not to last...more dragging...wading thigh deep in water, sunday with my hiking boots on, sat with water shoes...I figured, who cares...I'll need the traction...ha!!! no traction on the slick rock...I never fell fac first into the water, but I came derned close. slapping my hands numerous times down just in time to save myself.

Well, this went on for what seemed hours...ever hopping out of the canoe to pull, and drag over long stretches of rock. I was now beginning to run out of steam and strength.

I rounded a corner and there was a photographer taking a photo...I yelled at him to snap my picture as it just don't get any funnier nor stupid than this...he did, and as I got up next to him...he was in khakis and very dry...I was standing in knee deep water and dragging the canoe behind me...Khatru was smelling the tripod...he said to me "you're either the tuffest or the stupidest son of a b!tch I've ever seen". I cracked up, I said "yes" to both. He told me that Kyles was only a bit further on and that I was ALMOST there...those words gave me new inspiration and strength...Khatru and I continued to drag the canoe then hit a pool...floated onward...dragged, floated and then I saw Tim, one of my angles waving at me. He was at the landing...Tears jumped into my eyes and then I saw the sign "KYLES"...I openly wept as my ordeal was now coming to a close.

We piled all my gear into their already packed van. locked the Bunnie up to a post and headed back to Steele and my waiting vehicle.

To the Angels that saved me from what, undoubtedly, would have been a very difficult trek, maybe even impossible...my eternal thanks...I hope our paths cross again!

To those of my friends on TT...this was the trip from HEII! I expected a breeze of a trip, but I got a storm instead where my will and strength was tested and pushed to its limits.

To God, who I dared to throw more at me...well you did...I'm sorry I taunted you

To myself, never taunt God, always help those in need on the trail, always call ahead to find out conditions, and no matter what...always continue to believe in yourself.

What did I learn about myself...I learned this...I can do anything...I can perservere where and when all the odds are against me, I can be challenged and go beyond my abilities and manage to come out on the other end...don't get mad...just get going.

here are the photo's that I took along the way...I still managed to enjoy the scenery, even as I was being knocked around by the river. I have no photo's of my dragging the Bunnie, but I think that one of the guys does...I'll add and post them when he sends it to me.

As I sit here typing this up, the days pain is growing on me...I expect the pain to peak tomorrow...I am so sore...every muscle in my body is hurting...I have never felt such muscle pain before...I hope to never again...

And bacpac...I know..."moron". so don't bother to say it...I said it for you...I was thinkin of you while I was dragging the canoe...you'd say..."what an f'n moron" if you'd have seen me on the trail...I agree!!! wholeheartedly and unabashed!!!

I hope you all enjoy the story...I'll be telling this tale till the day I die, cause I have now reached a new plateau of stupid, I don't think I can outdo this, but I'll certainly give it a try...LOL!!!
Enjoy the Pics”

“LMAO. I needed that. Stikmon, I could of told you that the river would be too low to float, especially at the top. That is why I want to do the river trail this time of year. River crossings would be almost non-existent. Great story. :-)”

“Check the water level moron. The upper Buffalo is only floatable 2-4 months out of the year.

http://www.ozarkpages.com/whitewater/nps_buf_levels.html”

“yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

I know that its not floatable...NOW!!!! you you you...

I stopped at the ham store there...and went in to buy a ham to take home and there was a woman ordering a sandwich...I just blurted out "YOU MAKE SANDWICHES TOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! OMG!!! I've died and gone to ham heaven"...the counter person asked me if I had been on the river and I said "sort of" and she asked me what section...I told her...she just looked at me with this stupified face...I just barked at her..."I KNOW!!!! THERE"S NO STINKIN WATER"...she just busted out laughin...her boyfriend walked in and in between bursts of laughter..she pointed at me and told him that I had done the steele to kyles section in a canoe...and he broke out laughing...so did I...all I said was "What...doesn't everyone backpack with a canoe on the river?" they both said no...that I was a dumbass...

Oh well...I'll be a local legend.”

“I knew I could count on you...

And Lizs was the second person I called...she was laughing so hard...she is gonna hit me with a frypan when she sees me next.....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

“LOL! Sounds like my last 2 trips down the St. Mary's river at the Fl./Ga. border! Water? Not!
Nothing like a big b!tch portage to change your perspective.”

“This is a TT person I am supposed to hike with?

I don't think so.”

“Oh man, that is a great story! Thanks for sharing and I enjoyed the pics as well. Why is it that the trips from hell make the best stories? Thank goodness you ran into those guys to make the trip less "hellable."”

“Ummmm... and WHO was the first person???? hmmmmmmmmmmm

KLUNK!!! There, does your head feel better now, stikmon?? (has your misery ended?? LOL)

OK, where do these stinkin' rivers go??? I mean it just doesn't seem right that a (SAID IN THE BOOMING VOICE OF WHATEVER DEITY YOU PREFER) "NATIONAL SCENIC RIVER" should just up and disappear.

I mean, we have our famed Upper Iowa. It doesn't do that. Whadafuh??!?!? LOLOLOL

bacpac, so you will be my "bail-out" option, should I need one on my Thanksgiving trip south??? LOL”

“OMG. What a story. No way you could have made any of that up. Some of my ordeals suddenly don't seem as bad.”

“Hey to clarify...... I don't need options, j/k

Looking forward to it, stikkie! :-)”

“What are you trying to do lizs?

Sic this head case on me?

I'll call you, toots :-)”

“so how badly did the bunny get scraped up?”

“you truely have no idea...there is no real way that I could convey the diverse quantities of emotions that ran through me...it was something to be experienced and the telling of the story in writing pales in comparrison to the verbal telling that I can render. Wait till TC2...we can do a campfire story telling...."Tales from HEII...the disasterous trip reports."”

“Great trip report!!!!

I like the worst times best, somehow the others pale when you compare `em:)”

“For a minute when I saw you posted...I though you were gonna slam me. your a nice person...despite what Lizs says about you.”

“That girl`s a mess, guess I shoulda warned you:)”

“That's for the report. Sorry that it was so-o-o-o ......?






But I got a good chuckle. Thanks I really needed that!”

“Stikmon,

You really are crazy! But that's okay with me!

This weekend I hiked the Butterfield Trail at Devil's Den. I specifically asked if there was water at the Junction campsite. Of course the ranger said yes. YOu'll find it in the creek.

We arrived at camp around 4:30 and well as you now are imagining the creek took a nose dive. The boys setup camp and I hiked "way" down the dry river bed looking for the water. Luckily I found a nice pool about 3/4 mile down stream or should I say creek bed.

Other than a pack of screamin coyotes nothing else exciting happened!

I guess that pales compared to your story.

Hey Jgiles and Stikmon we need to go do Cecil's Loop trail.”

“cause there ain't no water to float no more. too freakin funny, now that I look back on it...The Bunnie got scraped real good...bummer...but on the upside, I feel almost 100% this morning...last night I felt awful, but much better this morning...well sort of...”

“i am doing the ceecil cove trail in 2 weeks. anyone would be welcome to join us. we'll be at erbie on fri the 8th. i'll buy your first beer! i can't wait to check out those caves. have you ever been in them moz?”

“DORK!!!!”

“you shoulda just tied the bunny to the roof of the rav4 and driv ....... ...... ..... ...........no wait, that would have been HARDER on the boat than dragging it over gravel for 2 days.......nevermind”

“note to self: never put stikmon in charge of trip planning”

“note #2; if you need your canoe dragged, call stikmon...”

“that's what my former wife used to do to me...oh wait a minute...thats rag rag rag...

LMAO at Chili...Im a good trip planner...bad at personal execution.

Stratusloop...Dork THIS!!! you chooch.

BigFeet...thanks for the warning, BUT ITS A BIT TOO LATE!!! where were you 3 weeks ago??? Danger Will Robinson...proceeding forward will (not could) be dangerous to your life...I would have gone forward anyway...never turn back...sometimes I get scraped...sometimes I float...we'll see which is which. To those of you sitting there scratching your heads...hahaha...scratch away.”

“oohhhh my gosh!! now THAT is hilarious. at least you'll always have the story... :-D
and now look what you've done, you've ruined your chances to go on a trip with bacpac...”

“Foot!!! Please explain what you mean by "mess." OK??? lol”

“Hey Stickmon I was out on that same section (steele to kyle) last weekend backpacking the ORT. You must be one tough SOB to pull (or should I say drag) that off! I'm glad things worked out for ya. Great story!”

“Nice pics stikmon. Gald you still took some snaps while enduring the beating. Fall on the Buffalo is one of my favorites - fer backpackin that is. At least you ran into some normal friendly types and not some jerkoff bubba redneck like on the labor day float.”

“You could definetly do it! Every story is great and halarious, just save each story and have a collection of your misfortions. Thanks they made me feel better!”

“I just read that there are seasonal streams that peak early in July in the southern Sierra. I understand that many people planning to go on the Sierrapalooza hike will be bringing canoes. The interesting part is that these streams actually flow uphill, so you can just ride from 7000 feet up to 11 or 12,000, although you may have to drag the canoe for a short distance - just keep going until you reach the water. Sounds like the perfect "hike" for you!!”

“It will be my pleasure to have a dissasterous trip, just so you all can feel better.

Hmmmmmm book...now that would be funny.”

“well, what do i say to that?”

“I dayhiked the cecil cove loop a few years ago and I don't remember anything great about it. It was okay. Mozark we should check out the new section of the OHT near sylamore. I hear they are working on it again.”

“"The Toking Bunnie" is takin a break for the season now. She has been battered and bruised and is very tired. Time for a knap. As for the rest of ya...look out...as soon as the pain subsides...Im gonna hit the trail with newfound strength and stamina...you can call me "walkinstikmon" or "mozarkinstikmon"...hhahahaha...crak me up...lol!!!”

“did you visit mud cave or fitton cave on the cecil cove loop?


i'd be interested in checkin out the sylamore too.”

“I read this report at work earlier today and it cracked me up!!! Sounds like quite an adventure!”

“Toking Bunnie...????


At first I thought you were talking about a bong.”

“your pathetic...My bong's name is "Isis-keeper of the eternal buzz".”

“thanks for clearing that up..”

“anytime...glad to clear up the confusion”

“hey, I did a one day trip with lots of dragging but I had an inflatable kayak so it was not so hard, but my friend had a hard shell without a spray skirt and so I helped her when we had to drag
I tell you I KNOW that is so tiresome
We were on a little tributary of the Row River in Oregon, just outside of Cottage Grove and I think maybe it was Bryce Creek.
We didn't have no water, we just had small rapids that were not runnable and then sections that were just too shallow. Good for you that you did this. I'll bet you saw a different river bed than most. Got a better story to tell for the rest of your life, too.”

“Thanks stikmon, now I don't feel so stupid for busting my fuel pump throwing it over tree limbs. Brain Farts. That's all.”

“I did go in mud cave a little bit, but didn't have my caving gear with me. Fitton cave or beauty cave is a different story. It is supposed to be outstanding, but I believe you still have to get a permit and get the people to unlock it for you. At least I believe that is the way they used to do it.”

“my best friend is workin on the permit, i'll know tomorrow if we can get it in time. his mom is some kinda grand poobah for the ozark society er sumpthin. he's been in fitton and says it's incredible. but yeah, that's pretty much gonna be our entertainment for the day. my nephews and kids love cavin as much as me. just a different twist on hikin, really. good excuse to drink beer at camp after hikin all day.”

“Stratdewd rats, the second weekend of November is already taken.

JG - I'd fogotten about the new OHT section. Yes I'm interested. Jerbear is coming down this way after Christmas we should take him out on some of these hikes. Yes he is doing the Buffalo with us.

Moz”

“where ya headed moz?”

“Stik-excellent post but wth were you thinking? You didn't need to call for river levels. Its been going underground since July! But I will tell you this dude, by God, you did not abandon your canoe. Lizs take note. When the going got crappy, good ol Stikmon continued to dance w/who brung him and saw it through no matter what. This tale should actually encourage you in your relationship w/Stikmon. He might occasionally be an idiot, which of course all of us with stupid sticks can be, but when the going gets tough...Kudos to you stikmon, you freakin idiot. At least you are confident enough to tell the tale and post some good pix.”

“LMFAO!”