Dirty joke

“see what ya get for being a little paranoid!”

“never mind
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“o come on dont be a poosay!”

“A missionary had been working and teaching a tribe in the amazon for many years. He enjoyed teaching these people about God and teaching them important things like to read and write. One day the chief's wife gave birth to a white baby. The chief descreatly pulled the missionary aside and said 'there has never been a white baby before you were here. There can only be one explaination for this."
The missionary disagreed and said it was a natural occurence. "albinisem is quite natural" he explained hten pointed to the sheep as an example. "See those white sheep? They are all white except that black one. It happens occasionaly and randomly in nature."
At that point the chief cleard his throat and said "Well, if say nothing more about that sheep, I'll say nothing more about the child"”

“they have sheep in the amazon? i dont get it”

“SC plagiarized herself.”

“yeah, so did Nickelback. Its ok if its yourself :)”

“So you wanna hear my favorite joke?”

“Sure go for it!!!”

“What's the definition of a perfect man?”

“One word........Spam!”

“Damn slowass server!
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“He's got a 9-inch tongue and he breathes through his ears.”

“Yes that's me!!!!!!!”

“



Ruby - I can hold my breath for as long as you need me to
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“Dang Bearmagnet I'll back off! LOL!”

“Holy #&%!$! Is that thing real?

Not enough men know how important the tongue can be. Then again, (lucky me) some men do.”

“I do daily exercises to keep it in shape. It's very nimble and I have amazing stamina.
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“I'm one of the lucky ones :)”

“shhh
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“Okay lets just tell all our secrets!!!LOL”

“It's my favorite way to pass the time during boring depositions. ;)”

“You do Kegel, Ruby? Maybe we should start a class?”

“that's plural, BM”

“Yes it is. But forget that. I just checked in here before I go to the ER and have my newly discovered ambidexterwinking disorder checked out. I mean, after all, we were talking about Kegel exercises

OK, hold that thought.”

“Newly discovered ambidexterwinking disorder? What does that mean, that you can wink with both eyes simultaneously?

How long have you been plagued with this malady?


hahahahahahahaha
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“A priest and a nun are riding a camel through the desert when suddenly the camel dies. Mortified with the realization that they are miles from civilization and will soon die too, the priest asks the nun if he could see her breasts before they meet their maker. The nun agrees and shows off her huge heaving breasts. The priest asks the nun if he can touch her breasts. She agrees to this as well. While the priest is fondling her breasts he begins to sport some serious "wood". The nun, curious, asks if she could see and fondle the priest's manhood. While fondling the priest's manhood the priest mutters to the nun that his woody if put in the right place can bring life. She says awesome! Stick it in the camel and lets get out of here!”

“A naive Southern belle goes to New York City for a week, and when she gets back, all her debutante friends, eager to know about the big city, ask her what it was like.

"Well," she says, "did you know, that in New York City, there are men who sleep with other men?"

"No!" they all say in surprise, "What do they call them?"

"They call them 'homosexuals'," answers the now not-so-naive Southern belle.

"And did you know, they also have women who sleep with other women there?" she asks.

"No!" comes the surprised response again. "What do they call them?"

"They call them 'lesbians'," answers the Southern belle.

"What else do they have?" asks one of the more intrepid, but less-well-traveled debutantes.

"Well, did you know that in New York City, there are men that will put their mouth on a woman's private parts?"

"No!" they all say again. "What do they call them?" they all ask.

"Well, sugar," answers the Southern belle with a grin, "I have no idea what they call them, but I called him 'Precious'."”

“Yep, that's what I'm talking about.”

“Hey! I'm not getting any royalties from use of my picture!”

“That is hilarious, Ped!”

“They are on sale (along with other blaspheming thongs). Warning, not for the easily offended:

http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist/429363
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“I've been told I'm a cunning linguist.”

“"biblical warning: whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. if you touch her during that time, you will be defiled until evening"

just until evening? i can live with that”

“During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students :

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner party you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies : "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."

The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Billy says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a dear friend, whom, I hope to be able to
introduce to you after dinner. "

The teacher passed out..”

“The barman? :o)”

“I like”

“From my high school alum email:

Two old ladies were sitting on rocking chairs in their retirement home. One asked, "Do you still ever get horny?"

"Oh, yes!" was the reply.

"What do you do about it?" asked the first.

"I suck on a lifesaver." was the reply.

The first lady sat there for a long while pondering the answer. Finally she couldn't stand it any longer, and asked,

"Who drives you to the beach?"”

“Billy Joe says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again." Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?" Billy Joe says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."”

“One of my top 10...

Two aging southern belles are sitting on the porch of their retirement home reminiscing about their younger years...

Sara Kate asks: "Mary Belle, do you remember the minuet?"

Mary Belle replies: "Hell I can't remember the men I F*#ked, let alone the men I et!”

“The parents of a friend told me this one as a real story, not sure if it is or not but it makes a good joke anyway:

A weather man predicted 8 inches of snow one night. This snow never materialized. The next day during the news cast the anchors were giving the weather man a hard time about his missed prediction the previous night. One female anchor quipped "Where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"”

““My girlfriend told me, ‘Give me 8” and make it hurt!’. So #&%!$ed her twice and hit her in the head with a brick!”

-Andrew Dice Clay”

“bada bing bada boom, you know what i'm sayin”

“bit, you're such a party pooper ;)”

“I fart in airlocks, too.”

“A guy walk into a tatoo parlor to get a tatoo of a $100 dollar bill on his #&%!$. The Artist said there is no way he could help him, but the guy begs and pleds with the tatoo artist untill he askes for 3 good reasons to do this for him. 1st I like to watch my money grow, 2nd I like to handle my money and 3rd the next time my wife says she what to blow a $100 buck, I got it for her.”

“Two prostitutes are standing on a corner, one prostitute says "Tonight is gonna be a good night, I can smell dick in the air".

The other prostitute replies, "Sorry, I just burped"”