Dirty joke

“are you telling us something about tree beard?”

“The Killing Dance is not Maple.”

“no kidding huh?”

“how not to photo your cat:

NOT WORK SAFE

http://img130.echo.cx/img130/9620/catphoto8ov.jpg”

“LOL...thanks for the warning. I passed on this one at work and waited until I got home.

:p”

“Who turned your cat inside out, sacco?”

“so any good jokes?”

“"Don't look up here the jokes between his legs" Sorry thats an old one 8(.”

“

NOT WORK SAFE... Turn your volume all the way down or you may get embarrassed...

Old, but REALLY funnjoke...

click here”

“The Italian man says... Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.
The Frenchman boasts... Last week, when my wife and I had sex. I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love, and she screamed for fifteen minutes.

The Jewish man says... Well, last week, my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat). We made love, and she screamed for over six hours.

The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They asked, What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?

The Jewish man says... I wiped my hands on the bedspread!!!”

“I love the "view counter" for things like this!!!”

“what kind gives milk?











boobbee :0”

“you screwd up the joke, maple!

what kind of bee gives milk?”

“Did you here about the giraffe that walked into a bar and said highballs on me!”

“LOL @ Maple...well, I guess ya gotta try!”

“So this grasshopper walks into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender looks at him strangely and says, 'We have a drink named after you, ya know.'

'You got a drink named Earl?' replies the grasshopper.

An oldie, but a classic.”

“horse walks into a bar -- bartender says "why the long face" badda boom !!!”

“A guy walks into a bar and says, "ouch, that hurt."”

“that's actually pretty funny , ha ha ho”

“Brought to mind by XL's post on the woman with pickle phobia

http://www.thebackpacker.com/trailtalk/thread/44508,1.php

A man in couple's therapy tells his wife and the therapist that ever since their big fight he has had powerful urges to put his #&%!$ in the pickle slicer. It's tough, he can barely control the urge. The therapist refers him to a psychiatrist.

A few weeks later his wife gets a call early in the afternoon, its the him. "Oh goodness honey, I'm sorry, I couldn't take it any more. I had to do it I put my #&%!$ in the pickly slicer"

The wife is worried, "Oh no honey are you O.K.?

"Yeah, but we both got fired."”

“A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side
of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she
said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get
it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "OK, Get in the car with it."

The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?" said the wife.

"Just hold its little nose."”

“After Mass, a guy goes to take a leak and finds himself at a urinal next to a priest. He notices out of the corner of his eye that the priest has a nicotine patch on his p---s. He turns to the priest, embarassed that he noticed and says "excuse me father, I'm an ex-smoker and I couldn't help noticing that you put your nicotine patch on the wrong place - you'd have much better results if you put it on your shoulder."

The priest said, "Thanks for your advice, but you're wrong. It'ss working very well for me, I'm already down to two butts a day."”

“that was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong”

“Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,"The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" So then the
rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall." Amy explains very
confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."”

“WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA..Thanks Mapes....you did it again.”

“HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically.

Until Now.

Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely...See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female.

It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skil ls.







[img][/img]”

“Haha, maple, you are crazy!”

“What does tight rope walking and getting oral sex from Whoopie Goldburge have in common?

























Don't look down!”

“speaking from experience?”

“An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing. ..........

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."”

“A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and as he is
stumbling back and forth, a cop on the beat sees him and approaches
"Can I help you sir?", the officer asks politely.

"Yessh! Ossifer, sssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Well, where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's "manhood" is
hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his zipper and without
missing a beat, blurts out.........

"Oh my god----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!”