Dirty joke

“What do you call a Blonde with pigtails?









A blow job with handlebars.




Zay made me tell it!”

“A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man to turns her and says, Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me."
She replies, "If your d**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
221."”

“LOL @ WB!!!! Dude, that was good!”

“Oh and i guess mine sucked?

it must be a guy thingy...”

“"Yours sucked"...lol”

“all right bit, bring on your dirty jokes.

hay lets have a dirty joke off!!!”

“Yours was funny, mapleleaf! But WB's struck a chord with me. :-)


Two potatoes are walking down the street. How do you tell which one is the hooker?












It's the one that says I Da HO.”

“No no no...I wasn't saying your joke sucked, I was pointing out the irony implicit in saying that a joke about blowjobs "sucks"...

lol...”

“A woman who was pregnant with triplets was in the bank during a robbery. She got shot three times in the stomach but lived. The doctor told her that each of her babies had been hit but they would live. It was too risky to perform urgery to remove the bullets – they’d just leave them in. He said not to worry, one day the bullets will come out.

So 13 years later, one triplet (a girl) runs out of the bathroom and says “Mom, Mom, I was going to the bathroom and a bullet came out!” So the mother tells her the story. The next day the other daughter comes out and says the same thing, “Mom, Mom, I was going to the bathroom and a bullet came out!” The next day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" She says "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" He replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"”

“A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous
woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that
American Indians have the longest #&%!$es and Jewish men have the
biggest diameter #&%!$es. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you."”

“A woman gets on a plane and sits down next to a man. A couple of minutes later, the man sneezes, and to the woman's dismay, he reaches into his pants, pulls out his #&%!$, wipes off the end with a tissue, and puts it back into his pants. She's shocked, but says nothing.

A couple of minutes later, the same thing happens. The woman is still shocked, but says nothing.

A couple of minutes later, the man repeats the same performance. This time, the woman can't take it anymore and speaks up.

"Do you really have to do that everytime you sneeze?" she asks acidly.

"Well, yes, I'm sorry, but I have a neurological disorder that causes me to have an orgasm every time I sneeze," answers the man.

"Oh really?" asks the woman. "Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the man answers. "Pepper."”

“The Cabbie
A successful engineer flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the engineer, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The engineer thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The engineer got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?" "What?! Get Out, out of my cab, you scum." The engineer got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result - getting kicked out of each taxi.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."The engineer said "O.K." and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the engineer gave a big smile and a big thumbs up.”

“Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his %$@# into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my $@&% into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."”

“A Grey and a Brown walk into a bar. They both order whiskey to drink. The Grey sees the bowl of peanuts at the other end of the bar and asks the Brown to pass them to him. The Brown gets offended and says "What kind of mixoolp do you think I am?"”

“?huh?”

“Sorry, that was my lame attempt at Marvin Gardens joke.”

“huh to bit and WB?

I said dirty, not silly..

come on guys!!!


:)”

“everytime someone says "marvin garden" he shows up.



HUSH UP
HUSH UP”

“So this nun walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't see many nuns in here." The nun tosses back a Martini and says "I'm waiting for a truck driver." A bum gets close to the nun and stands up and says "Give me a dollar and I'll grant three wishes to the next person who walks through that door."

The nun takes a deep breath and yells "Just put it on my bill."


Marvin's source”

“Awww man, thanks for ruining it Phaedrus! :-P”

“Okay, so A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR. The bartender tosses back a Martini and says "See that nun over there? If YOU FLY FROM HERE to the end of the bar that nun will take you into the back room and give you the BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE." The duck says "I'll take a Martini." A KANGAROO THINKS a minute and says "I'd pull down your pants to get a drink."

The duck says "You're an ass hole when you're drunk, Superman."”

“Ah #&%!$!”

“I gess the jokes on me!”

“ROTFLMAO!!! well, that solves that...”

“Violin, you've got more aliases than an underage hooker at the republican convention!”

“you're your own worst enemy, Violin! but you do a very good Tea.”

“A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty
years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty
years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. You know,
honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied
Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."”

“There was a married couple who had a code for when they wanted to have sex.

When one wanted to have sex with the other the one would say "Honey I have some laundry to do, will you help me?" Then they would go off and have sex.

One day the husband said to his wife "Honey, I have some laundry to do, will you help me?" At the time the wife was kind of busy and said "Well I'm kind of busy, how about later?" So the husband, slightly rejected, said OK and left.

A little while later the wife was feeling bad for not having sex with the husband and decided she would find him and they would have sex.

The wife found the husband and said "Honey, I'm sorry for turning you down later, let's have sex now" The husband replied "That's OK dear, it was a small load so I did it by hand"”

“Two bums meet up walking down the tracks. One says to the other, "So how's it going?"

"Man, best week in a long while. Found a pack of smokes, been having one every day for a week. How about you?"

"You won't believe it. I found a beautiful woman and have been having the best intercourse of my life every day for a week."

The other bum listens jealously and then asks, "Any head?"

To which the first bum replies, "Head? There's no head."”

“There's an Italian, a Frenchman and a Redneck.

The Italian says, "When I have a-finished makina love with my girl-a-friend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floatsa 6 inches abova da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick ze soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

The Redneck says, “Thet’s nothin'. When ah git done bangin' th' old lady, ah git up, walk on over t'th' window an' wipe it on th' curtain. She hits th' roof!””

“LMAO”

“thas the most dumbest joke i have ever herd”

“noooooooooooooooooo comment, LOLOL”

“I see Violin has been reading the Prepubescent Book of Dirty Jokes again.”

“What to say what to say??????

8)”

“So ya got stained curtains, eh?”

“Why Hell,(best Texas accent),
That ain't Nothin!
I can do all sorts a thangs that makes MY ol' lady hit th' celin'. And MOST of em don't have nuthin' ta DO with sex. Some do,though.”

“The time she got up one mornin' an' went ta th' bathroom, and I had (NO KIDDIN') a DEER hangin' from th' shower pipe, in th' bathtub! We lived in an apartment, at the time, an there warn't no other place ta hang & wash th' durn thang!”

“YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED....





how did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?











his hand caught on fire.”

“LMAO


POTTY MOUTH!”

“You're gonna hafta 'splain that one to me~~%^]”

“How long before Matt kills this one?”

“Hey matt! Maple needs a time out! :P”

“no not till TT understands the joke and NO i will not be the one to explain it to him.”

“Jeez!”

“chia pecker..



”

“do you use a weed wacker on it?

mmmooohhhaaawwwww”

“I understand it grows better if you also get the Chia #&%!$...”