West "by GOD" Virginia ...

“Follow these instructions:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will
be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store.
3. Remember: "You all" is singular, "All ya'll" is plural, and "All
y'alls" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from arouncheer, are ya?"
5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying,
they can'tunderstand you either.
6. "Mom'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks, "How's your
Mom'n'em?" They are referring to the whole family.
7. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
8. If you hear a West Virginian exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this,"
stay out of the way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
9. When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of
the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere
and the rest learned to drive while road hunting on the back roads.
In both cases, this is the proper speed and position for that
vehicle.
10. Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own
shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their Mammas taught
them how to aim.
11. Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.
12. Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit; it is the
WHOLE kit.
13. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise unless you
want a
kindhearted "hillbilly" to fix your busted head with duct tape.
14. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.
15. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff
Gordon ain't.
16. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and
skunks on the Ark.
17. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some
"hillbillies" view that sound like payoff bells at a slot machine.
18. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased
requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It
ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
19. "You all come back now, ya hear," is a temporary statement. We
love
Yankees to visit, but damn Yankees are those who decide to stay.
20. If you decide to stay in West Virginia and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as hillbillies". After all, if the cat had
kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
21. Try and hide that damn Yank' accent! You'll pick up a slight
twang
sooner or later anyway.
22. Don't ask, "You guys have (tv, cable,doctors, shoes, etc.)
here!?" Hell yeah we have that here, this ain't Kentucky!
23. NEVER EVER talk about how great it is at home in Cali-forneea,
or worse yet, up north. We don't care. You'll never convice us
there's a better place than WEST BY-GOD VIRGINIA!

IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME THING!”

“West (by God) Virginia is a pretty cool place.”

“Dang tootin!”

“Smile when you say it!”

“LOL!!!”

“that first one about the car is so true! it's very nice...whenever i've had car probs, someone just jumps out of their car and gives me a jump-start, or changes my tire, or whatever. when i offered a jump-start to some dude in DC, Tarpy thought i was nuts, LOL! he just doesn't understand my upbringing.
;-)

and i am NOT from WV...my parents just live there.”

“Wish t' he11 I could be a damnyankee!”

“It's not that hard Geo, just move south of the Mason-Dixon line and east of the Mississippi...then stay...”

“lyra is right, that first one is something. Here in Bammer you can be 10 miles from the middle of nowhere with mud up to the wheel wells and somebody will pass by and see if they can pull you out. I guess its some kinda challenge. Of course, those same folk are described in #18.”

“I had a WV garage owner come take the radiator out of my car after a groundhog ate a hole in it, take it to his shop five miles up the road, solder it, bring it back, hook it up with new hose, find it still leaked, take it back out, back up to the shop, back to the car, hook it up, fill up the radiator with antifreeze, and charge only $68 for his trouble.

This was on a Sunday afternoon. I was expecting the bill to be at least $200. When I asked him whether it was enough, he said, "That's what I charge. I couldn't charge you any more because you are from out of state."

Got a flat tire fixed for $2. Gave them a $10 and told them to pick up a six pack on the way home.

Yeah, everybody says "What happens if your car breaks down while you're there?"

I tell them if my car breaks down, I hope it's down there and not back home!”

“Hey there, I be one of those folks ya speak of. Lived here most all of my 36 years and am happy here. Been married 14 years and it keeps gettin better exept my ole lady don't backpack. That sucks! I do Cranberry and Dolly Sods wilderness along with some Ohio backpackpackin alot. Met some nice people from Michigan at Zaleski last week. Don't do this web crap very often but it has become more fun. If ya want to see W.Va, give me a shout. I love this state. It will provide me a life time of explorin.”

“Watch out for drunk hillhunters in WVA”

“That might be me ya lookin for. Watch out!”

“Whereabouts in WV DD?”

“Huntington”

“Wow, the exact opposite side of the state. You about five hours from the Sods?”

“3.5 to be exact.”

“I get to Craberry Wilderness in a little less than 2 hours.”

“That's moving. It's seven hours from Philly to the Sods taking a few rest stops to buy coffee and visit the used coffee dept. And I usually stop at the Wal-Mart in Keyser for last minute things.

The Cranberry is a haul from here. I've only been down there a few times and have yet to backpack there. I have camped at Tea Creek to visit the glades and Falls of Hills Creek. It's on my "One of These Days Itineraries."”

“Best place I have found is to start at Middle fork trail, go to big beechy trail which turns into district line trail and from there ya can either go on to North- South or come back down Middle fork trail. Many options here. All is good. I love this place.”

“Its been good talkin to ya Geobeet and hope to meet ya sometme but its night night time for this ole boy. Take care”

“Thanks for the info. Me too. Sounds feasible, at least on the Sods.

Have a goodn!”

“That stuff would fit Vermont as well.

They just talk funny up there.”

“That is on target Tom. On a trip on the Long Trail we met up with a local guy. The next day we all remarked how he sounded like a southern mountain guy with a Yankee accent.”

“I worked with Vermonsters in factories.

THOSE are the Vermonters.

Sometimes you have to ask them to speak s l o w l y just like Southern Appalachian dwellers.

My rule was to ask someone to repeat themself twice, in whatever third-world state(or province).

If I still didn't understand I would just smile and nod.

Ever been to Newfoundland?”

“Yeah, ask and just nod. Done it myself many times. Then I wonder what I just nodded to.”

“Well, it couldn't have been that bad......you have all ten fingers, well, don't ya?”

“Well the way some of those people talk, who knows what you might have nodded agreement to?

They talk like keyhole types!”

“Like POGO?”

“Like the roomful of monkeys in Pogo, yes.

Hey, t'is the season:

Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla Wash. and Kalamazoo
Nora's snoozin on the trolley
Holler dollar cauliflower allegeroo.

And,

Good King Saurkraut looked out
One his feets uneven
While his toes he counted out
Nine and ten eleeven.”

“Did your paper have POGO?

POGO died along with the Washington Star.

I carried that paper from '63 to '69.”

“W. Virginia discriminates against Jesus Christ

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Jesus Christ is hoping to move to West Virginia, but he’s having trouble getting a driver’s license.

The man is described as a white-haired businessman who’s been using that name for 15 years without a problem. He has a U.S. passport, Social Security card and Washington, D.C., driver’s license bearing the name Jesus Christ.

But he still falls short of West Virginia title and license requirements, since his Florida birth certificate bears his original name. Plus, the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. still hasn’t gotten an official name change approved in Washington.

A District of Columbia judge denied the legal change two years ago, saying the name could provoke “a violent reaction” or “significantly” offend people. An appeals court ruling last month, however, will start that process anew.

Christ’s attorney says the name change was an effort to express his faith.”

“oh, jesus, for god's sakes.”

“I'm shocked that JO hasn't jumped on this thread.”

“Christ is not speaking to the press at this time," Pishevar said.

LMAO! Ya think?”