Prof. Buddha Bear, PhD

“I just was approved to teach a Beginning & Intermediate Backpacking Class through the local community rec. department. A big thanks goes to Phil for helping me with the Course Agenda.

Here is what I have planned so far. Any advice from you guys would be appreciated.

Session 1:

How to pack wine in the backcountry. (bottle v. bladder)

Session 2:

How to pack beer into the backcountry.

well, that's it so far.”

“What about "how to pack your Reese Withersoon Posters, without creasing them"”

“actually sass, i was think more in the line of reese blow-up doll, but that would work.. lol!”

“Maybe "How not to spill cajun shrimp dinner on your camp chair"?

Bbinkley oughta be able to help you with Session 2, but only Miller Light. Other beers may require additional sessions.”

“How do you pack fudge?”

“Hey! Maybe some hot chick in class will want to stay after class for "extra credit"!

Ummmmm positions of authority, I'm glad my liberal union folks have taught me how to abuse authority!”

“Keep the fudge cool or it could melt and make a mess.

The beer can be useful in helping the males of the pack mark the camp territory to keep critters away.”

“Buddha:

You're off to a great start man. I'd like to offer a couple of suggestions for additional sessions.

TP: Not the place to start cutting weight.

After Day Four: Learning to decipher which barnyard animal you smell like.

Flossing: The Emergency Meal.”

“Flossing: The Emergency Meal."
roseymonster
11:54:54 AM
11/19/02

LMAO rosey!”

“Men bring floss backpacking?

Birch might be able to help you with the lesson on how to avoid brushing one's teeth for extended periods of time.”

“I would add to the sylabus...

Multiple usage of gear....

Scotch... consumable, antiseptic, pain killer, mouthwash, deodorant.

TP.... For cleanliness, fire starter, many other "unmentionables"

Beer.... well, it's just necessary OK!!!

Did I mention the many usages for Scotch... Sleep aid, tent, sleeping bag, pad softener,”

“how to blame yoour beer farts on another hiker 101”

“Or how to increase the duration and loudness of a belch...by Tarabull, aka Burpy Belchwell.”

“Scotch should be for the advanced course. Not everybody can or should drink scotch. Then there are blends or single malts, etc. Good scotch should not be wasted on people with poor taste. Crazy Mike and I can help develop the curriculum before you commit to a syllabus. Big Wave Dave apparently wastes good scotch, or he drinks cheap stuff.

How to pack beer should distinguish between real beer and worm pi$$. The number of people who want to pack Miller Lite or Budweiser may be high, but if they got sufficient training to appreciate real beer they would quickly leave the watered-down stuff behind.

The idea in my mind Buddha, is to educate people about the proper methods, not the easiest or most expedient. They should emerge from the course as artisans, not assembly line workers.”

“But I always have one of the Glen brothers on my trips..Livit, Fiddich or Ronach.....”

“LOL Sass. I'm not sure I'm ready to give away my secrets! They'd have to pay me big bucks.

bbinkely and I were discussing potential games at TC2...ya know, like potato sac race, egg toss, etc. He thought a belching contest might be in order. I AM SO THERE. ;-)”

“You would do well at the Belching contest as long as Sassafras is not there to give you competition, you should win.”

“My wife works with a gal whose husband ONLY brushes his teeth when he wants SEX.

How disgusting.”

“That sounds like a good idea!

A glass of scotch!

8)”

“hey dude! I'm pretty certain I could give Sass a run for her money. Would be quite the showdown, tho! lol”

“I would pay to see that!

8)”

“Hey! I was off my game! I challenge Tarabull to a duel. 40 oz at 10 paces!”

“where's stikmon to vouch for MY BELCHING ABILITY???!? yup, count me in the competition....”

“Tarabull
Gotta say that you and Sass are both pretty impressive belchers!!!”

“I've got $500 on tarabull.

BTW - this was a lovely thread degeneration. :>”

“"My wife works with a gal whose husband ONLY brushes his teeth when he wants SEX.

How disgusting."
Chief
05:42:07 PM
11/19/02

If thats the case then I would have a hefty tootpaste bill.”

“Is this belching contest going to happen at TC2? Somebody please get some digital video.”

“I hope so, towndawg has enough prizes lined up. I'm willing to give 3:1 odds on tarabull as the winner.

visions of gear purchases dance thru my head - after I collect of course.”

“Hey, I agreed to be a judge for TC2, but belching wasn't one of the events in my contract.

I charge extra for that..line up folks!

Tex”

“She won't get any competition from me at TC2. Besides I think she tones it down a notch, when I'm around...just so I don't feel bad about my abillities.”

“What a friend....she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Wow. :)

I'll put my money on Burpy Belchwell also. Given the right beer, I could also be in the running. However, I will not be at TC2.

GO TARABULL!”

“LOL. Thanks for the support folks. I typically save my belching for small crowds. I'm not sure how I'll perform under the pressure of lots and lots of people!”

“This is terrible! :)

Alright, I'm not gonna be there, but I'm going into training starting after work. (cue Rocky music)

2 40's every hour until I shake the window paines....”

“Buddha: I rebuke you for your snobbery... where do you come off listing wine before beer?”

“"My wife works with a gal whose husband ONLY brushes his teeth when he wants SEX.

How disgusting."
Chief
05:42:07 PM
11/19/02

I dunno, Chief. If he's like the rest of us, he prolly scrubs his pearlies at least three times a day, LOL!”

“Nope, once a month, maybe, for him.

His nickname isn't MUD for just any reason.”

“It sounds as if I may need a restraining order here. Are you a fan of mine Buddha Bear?”

“This is Buddha's chance to actually communicate with Reese! Go for it!”

“There's no wrong way to eat a Reese.”

“How do you think you would do?

Pop Quiz!

Whoever scores highest wins a prize, so concentrate, and if you use your notes, it’s detention time, gulag style!

1. What mountain Range was the instructor backpacking in on Presidents Day weekend?
a. Green Mountains
b. Catskill Mountains
c. Appalachian Mountains
d. Anorandak Mountains
e. White Mountains
2. If you are allergic to shellfish, what should you NOT do?
a. Purify water with a filter
b. Purify water with Iodine
c. Purify water with chemicals
d. Eat tuna
e. Purify water by boiling it
3. What kind of tent performs best in snowy conditions?
a. A-Frame
b. Tube
c. Bivy
d. Tarp
e. Dome
4. Under what conditions would you need the most water daily?
a. Hiking in the summer at 10,000 ft.
b. Hiking in the fall at 2,000 ft.
c. Hiking in the winter at 10,000 ft.
d. Hiking in the spring at 5,000 ft.
e. Hiking in the summer at 15,000 ft.
5. When layering for a winter hike, what sort of material would be best to make your base layer?
a. Nylon
b. Gore-tex
c. Coolmax
d. Fleece
e. Cotton
6. What is a “hot spot” in terms of backpacking?
a. A cool club in the flats
b. A blister
c. Death Valley
d. An area that has been exposed to friction in your feet, but not yet a blister.
7. Internal frame backpacks are cheaper than external frame packs.
a. True
b. False
8. When setting up camp, what is the first thing you should do?
a. Look for the nearest Denny’s
b. Pitch your tent
c. Gather firewood
d. Eat
e. Change your clothes
9. Elvis is dead.
a. True
b. False
10. If your heel is slipping in your boot, what is the best thing you can do to eliminate the problem while on the trail?
a. Send them back!
b. Break them in better
c. Wear liner socks
d. Tie a surgeons knot
e. Apply moleskin to your heel”

“1. f. The Pamela Anderson mountains.

2. d. Eat oysters because of the alleged aphrosdisiac effect.

3. f. Who cares as long as there's enough room for two people.

4. f. Hot-tubbing back at the lodge.

5. f. Something easy to get out of in two zipped-together sleeping bags.

6. d. Where all the hot backpacking chicks are.

7. c. Doesn't matter as long as you can carry all your toys in it.

8. b. Pitch your tent, so the shagging can commence.

9. c. Doesn't matter unless your backpacking girlfriend is really into Elvis.

10. f. Stop hiking and make camp before you injure yourself too much to shag.”

“1. d. Anorandak Mountains (Do I get extra points for knowing how to spell it? Adirondacks)

2. f. you should not eat shellfish. or any fish at all... as far as I'm concerned.

3. a. A-Frame

4. e. Hiking in the summer at 15,000 ft.

5. c. Coolmax

6. d. An area that has been exposed to friction in your feet, but not yet a blister.

7. a. True - typically

8. f. open a beer

9. Elvis is dead. b. False - no freakin' way!

10. c. Wear liner socks”

“1. All of the above, mate! Also, Everest and K2! Crikey!

2. Have sex with 'em mate!

3. My apartment in NYC mate!

4. I don't bring much water with me, mate. But I do bring my ice axe with me when it's 90 degrees out. Really, I do!

5. Goretexx of course mate!

6. Puerto Rico.. errr, um... I mean Australia, where I'm from mate! Crikey it's hot there.

7. Not sure mate. I stole most of my gear.

8. Think of what lies I'm gonna tell next, mate! I'm liking going parasailing off the Empire State Building next mate. Cheers!

9. He's alive! I taught him at the mountaineering school that I own and operate. Crikey!

10. Yell "Crikey!" and hope a dingo dosen't eat yer baby mate.”

“lol Artex!!!”

“lol artex - Tara, you got 3 wrong girl!”

“Only 3??

Elvis is NOT dead.”

“1.f. Other (Please specify) The Presidents. Afteral, it was President's Day.
2.e. Other (Please specify)Eat eel
3.f. Sleep nude under the stars
4.f. Hiking after drinking until 4am the night/morning before..
5.f. Panty hose
6.e. Also known as the 'G-spot."
7.c. Depends where you bought it. K-mart or REI.
8.f. Make a cat hole
9.c. Perhaps
10.f. Find a sherpa to carry you.”

“1. What mountain Range was the instructor backpacking in on Presidents Day weekend?

d. Anorandak Mountains, just North of the Dogskills and Hairyman range

2. If you are allergic to shellfish, what should you NOT do?

b. Purify water with Iodine


3. What kind of tent performs best in snowy conditions?

a. A-Frame


4. Under what conditions would you need the most water daily?

e. Hiking in the summer at 15,000 ft.

5. When layering for a winter hike, what sort of material would be best to make your base layer?

d. Fleece

6. What is a “hot spot” in terms of backpacking?

d. An area that has been exposed to friction in your feet, but not yet a blister.

7. Internal frame backpacks are cheaper than external frame packs.

b. False

8. When setting up camp, what is the first thing you should do?

b. Pitch your tent?


9. Elvis is dead.

b. False - he lives on in the hearts of many a lunatic! ;p

10. If your heel is slipping in your boot, what is the best thing you can do to eliminate the problem while on the trail?

c. Wear liner socks”

“heheheh...stumprider said G-spot. ;p”

“oh shoot. i misread # 7. but i stick by the rest of my answers!!”