Milxed emotions today

“My 23 year-old daughter moved out today. We are happy for her, but sad to see her leave our home. She has planned this for years and it finally happened. She graduated from college last June and has been working full-time since July 1. She is sharing an apartment with a girl she has known for several years and they were both looking for a responsible person to room with.

My daughter is a lot of fun to be around. My wife and other two daughters will miss her a lot also. One good thing is that she is less than two miles away.

Anyway, I am in denial, so it hasn't hit me yet. Thanks for letting me share.”

“Phil, it's great to see a dad that cares so much about one of his baby girls leaving the nest. But you don't have to think of it as a sad passing.

The other way to think of it is as a VICTORY! You done it, my man! You raised a responsible, prepared, intelligent person. You spent 23 yrs. in preparation for this goal and today you see it achieved!

Personally, I think all us parents that manage to get our offspring from babyhood to adulthood should get an award. The "Congratulations, You Have Successfully Raised A Child" award! It takes a damn long time, some damn hard work, and crazy amounts of damned emotional investment (not to mention the money, lol). Good job Phil!”

“BTW, Phil, I moved out of my family home when I was still in h.s. In my experience, now will begin a new part of your relationship w/ your daughter. In my opinion, this part has been better then the part before. Things are more relaxed and my parents and I are more like good friends.”

“Thanks ng. My daughter has been a good friend with my wife and I for a long time.

She was an airhead for a year around age 14 or 15, but we got through it. She is a hard worker too. She does have a serious boyfriend (who we like), but she wanted to be on her own for a while before getting married. She is so stoked it is fun to watch her. Another good thing is that she has other close friends who live in the same apartment complex. They can watch out for each other.”

“My suggestion: After all the moving hoopla today, you and Mrs. Phil go out for a nice dinner. Celebrate the fact that you did it. Seriously. You have a bit of a unique situation. You and Mrs. Phil not only created this person together, but you stuck it out and raised her together (not too much of that happen today). Secondly, she is your first (the big experiment) and today you successfully completed the experiment.

I don't know if the way I think about it is annoying. I mean, I'm still between 16-18 yrs. away from this point w/ Newergirl, but I feel like this is the attitude I will have. Yes, I will feel sad that my baby is leaving, but I hope I'll also pat myself on the back for (what I hope will be) a job well-done.”

“...I share you feelings, I have a son about to do the same......it's easier if you just remember how it was with yourself.....only 2 miles away is baby steps, and that is good......this allows a break-in time....out of the house, but still around alot.
Anyway, good luck.......she is taking the right steps and it is because of you >>>> BE PROUD”

“Thanks. I think we will still see a lot of each other. Her sisters will miss her not being around. They are very close. On the other hand, they are already planning on spending time at her apartment. And they won't have their brother to bother them!”

“Dude.....that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.....use this to your advantage dog......more room and everyone is still happy!”

“Phil, I'm responsible. What's her address?”

“It was when I went with our oldest daughter, to take her to college out west that I had found too what you have. We flew out during a week-end and I helped her move into her dorm. I would sleep in the mountains near school and she stayed in her dorm at night. We would meet each day and help with the move. Each knowing that good-by could not be avoided much longer. It was a Saturday afternoon when I decided it was time. When I told her my plans, we were in her dorm. It was hard for us both. She didn't want to stay and I didn't want her to stay either. It was then that I discovered that though the years we had been bonding and did not know it. That bonding was tested that afternoon. And didn't break. We made it. She stayed and I left. We are so close to each other. She still lives day's away from me, she has a husband. And I have lot's of other daughter's to raise. But I alway's will be greatfull for those lesson's of life, that Amber and I have shared. Gosh, maybe she will give back a grandaughter.”

“Waterdog - Thanks. It will be OK and she isn't talking about moving out of the area. She plans to get married and have children in due time.”

“My daughter started college last August. I went out a week later to see her and her new "digs." It was both terribly hard, and wonderful. She is at Notre Dame, a place I feel has a magical quality about it, and doing well. Its really neat to see her grasp the little things that were always done for her, like toothpaste, laundry, etc. She and I have a pact, that wherever she is the first time she buys her own toilet paper, she has to call me. She has been as much a friend as a daughter, something I am careful about because she needs a parent more than another friend, so I watch myself and remain the parent.

I agree with NG, its an accomplishment, take pride in what you (and your daughter) have accomplished, and go celebrate it!

Good luck.”

“Oh yeah, Phil, the next big change in your relationship w/ your daughter will be when she has her own child. My mom likes to remind me nearly every day, that she loves my daughter more than she loved me. She's just joking around of course . . . I think. LOL! It's okay by me, the more love Newergirl has from a strong and extended family, the better the chances are for me to be able to get to that "job well-done" part.”

“Been there done that,our only daughter graduated from college,came back home meet and married a great guy moved across town for five years and moved back into our neighborhood.We are now the proud grandparents of three.Hope you are as lucky,life is great”

“I like newgirl's perspective Phil. She is absolutely right. You have done the parent's work and done it well. The fledgling is flying on her own, a unique and free individual. She is a creation that you have brought into being and helped to find her place in the world.

Also, as a parent, I can understand the sadness. An era is passing, and life indeed is changing. But the joys that still await you are also a wonderful part of life, and grandchildren are a special joy, especially to grandparents. So acknowledge the sense of sadness, and look ahead to more joy, more fulfillment, and more nurturing chores to come.

Teaching a grandchild is, in some ways, even more fulfilling than teaching your own child. Because your own child looks to you for everything, while the grandchild can basically take you or leave you, and when they come to you it is by choice rather than dependancy. Not that our children only come to us out of dependency, but the simple fact is they do depend on us while our grandchildren do not depend on us so much. Grandchildren are a special joy.

So congratulations to you and your daughter. She will still come to you, and you will still have a special relationship. There remain many pleasures to share as well. And, frankly, she will still need you at times, for a sense of balance in her world, a sounding board, and perhaps to still be her rock.”

“Thank for all the encouraging words. She does come to both my wife and I for advice in a lot of areas...and actually listens. She tells us we have had a positive impact on her in various ways (intact, educated, etc.)

LDhiker - Not sure we could relate to the Notre Dame thing...my wife and I are Boilermakers.”

“you will probably need boilermakers... :>)”

“Phil,

I am sure it has been a long road but sounds as if you have done well. You may miss her like mad but enjoy the fruits of your labor and watch her soar.

What comes next is the best part.

Take care,
gc”

“She probably misses you as much as you miss her :(

Are you going to bombard her with email like my Dad does??

haha”

“Ya'll are gonna make me cry. I'm on the other end of the picture though. I'm already in college and I'm not very far from home right now, but I want to transfer to Montana next year. I know that's what'll make me happy in the long run but I feel guilty for going so far away. I hope I don't chicken out.
I like ng's perspective too! This is a good thread.”

“I agree with the idea that y'all (Phil, wife and daughter) deserve some congratulations and celebration. It's a big step... and a fine young woman has emerged from embrace of a loving family.

My sons are coming close to graduating high school... and I am both looking forward to and dreading the day when they are no longer part of my household.

"Mixed emotions" is good title for the thread.”

“I will make your parent(s) more proud for you to go where you want to go and to know you are happy there.”

“Do you think so Jello Fog? I hope so. I think if I don't go where I want to, I'll regret it later in life.”

“the fact is....you will..........so go without troubles, everyone will be much happier, most of all YOU”

“Thanks for the perspective. I mentioned the "celebrate success" concept to my wife and a few others tonight while at a Christmas party. I think it has its place.

biz - I wrote my dad an email message today asking him what it was like when I left home at 18 to go to college 2000 miles away. He hasn't answered yet. It seemed so natural at the time that I didn't even think about my parent's feelings. (Maybe 7 people crammed in a small house with only one bathroom made a difference back then?)”

“Ok, what is a "boilermaker?"

And something I should have put in my post earlier. I have a saying about kids, "they are not pets" meaning of course, that the are not here for our personal pleasure, they are here to grow into happy, competent adults.”

“Phil,

Oh, how I know the emotions you have today. Be grateful that she's nearby and you have the opportunity to be involved in her life on a regular basis. At least she didn't move a thousand miles away....

Be proud of the accomplishment (for both you and your better half). Encourage her to push forward and be increasingly independent. A kid's success is a parent's best reward.

I mentioned your Joshua Tree weekend with the crew from our East, but Dom and Mike had commitments and couldn't play that weekend. I've surfed in to TT a few times but didn't see any follow on info. Did I miss the trip report of that weekend?”

“amazing how different the view
looking backward is from what we saw originally. There will be a hole left in your life but not to worry... time will find a way to fill it up again. In the mean time ....PAR-TEE!

ps keep a spare bedroom handy, they do show up from time to time.”

“I'm reading this thread while having a semi-quiet Sunday morning with my 7 month old daughter. She is growing so fast, and I imagine that when she is 23 I might wonder where the time has gone.

Hopefully, in 23 years I will have as fruitful a relationship with her as you have with your daughter.

Maybe I should get off this computer and get down on the floor and crawl around with her...”

“I know exactly what you mean, big coop. Problem is my daughter got kidnapped by my husband's parnets again! ;>)”

“Just a quick word as I leave for work. Phil, when I took my youngest daughter away to her freshman year at college a year age, one of the speakers said, "It is time to let go." He was correct and I knew it. But still it hurt. But life goes on. Good luck.
Paul”

“Wait till you have grandkids! They say that grandkids are your payment for not killing your kids in their teenage years.My daughter was excellent to about 12. Then she evolved into another species. She turned human again in her 20's. She now teaches 3rd grade & we watch our grandson (20-mths) 3 days a week.”

“I understand your emotions Phil.

I dread the day our home is childless even though it is many years away.

Have you thought of the obvious? - MAKE MORE!”

“Strider - Good to hear from you. The Joshua Tree Trip got canceled at the last minute due to bad weather.

FYI: My daughter, Julia's, college graduation picture:


Yes, the 23 years went quickly. She wants to have dinner with us tonight for some sort of closure purpose. She said SHE needs it.

Of all of our four children, this one is the risk taker. When she was little she used to climb to the highest point in the room...which was kind of scary. She is in marketing and sales and everyone that knows her expects her to succeed. In high school she was the top drama student in her class (Drama Photos).

Thank you for letting me share what is going on.”

“You did your part and now it is time for her to fly away.

Don't be sad just be happy.

8)”

“LDhiker - One of the historical rivalries in college football is Notre Dame (South Bend, IN) vs. Purdue (W. Lafayette, IN). Notre Dame is the "Fighting Irish" and Purdue are the "Boilermakers". At Purdue, any season that they beat Notre Dame in football is a winning season.”

“Congratulations Phil to you and your wife. You have raised a beautiful young woman who is further shaping her world. It is tough, but natural for her, as it was for us to shape and create our world around us. And I agree, your relationship will get better with her now that she is on her own. Your moments with her now will be so much more special. Because there will fewer of them. And the there will be less time for superficial topics or conversations. Plus you have the joy of knowing this child has become an adult and is finding her place in this world. A world that will always include her family and especially her Mother and Father. We miss hearing them walking around the house. But we are filled with joy when they stop by to say hi or visit. And though you may not feel it now. You will fill satisfaction in time to come. From their successes and failures.”

“...but before delving into the bartender's art, let me congratulate Phil on successfully raising a child to be a productive member of society during a time when our society doesn't seem to encourage or even require that. I hope I do as well with my kids as you have done with yours, Phil.

Now, back to the bar.

Boilermaker:
1 shot of whiskey dropped into a mug of beer, or alternatively, a shot slammed back and chased with a beer. WOOOHOOO! FUN FUN FUN!”

“make that "feel satisfaction"
bitpusher, maybe I need one of those boilermakers... LOL”

“Thanks again for the kind remarks.

We went out to dinner tonight and it was very nice. Nothing heavy, but great conversation and sharing some things that would have bored the rest of the family to death. She really has matured in the last year or two.

Bit - In college we used to call one of those a "boilermaker" and the other was a "depth charge".”

“Phil, you raised a beautiful daughter, equipped her with the morals, integrity and character that she'll need when facing the real world. There is nothing better that a parent can give to their child.

I can tell, Phil, you are going to be just like my parents and walkin'dude, when the grandkids come..... good luck & enjoy this experience!”

“Thanks for the explanation. One of my daughter's best friends is at Purdue, they haven't gotten together there yet but maybe soon.”

“Phil neglected to mention that by his standards Purdue rarely has winning football seasons. :)

Ldhiker, I'm a 96 ND grad. ND is one of the best places on earth.

Phil, congrats and wish your daughter good luck for us.”

“bongofreek - Thanks, and, yes, Purdue has only been to the Rose Bowl twice. We have to liberally define "winning season" to have any bragging rights.

Purdue is an awesome university...and huge. The campus includes two 18-hole regulations size golf courses and an airport that can handle jets.

I met my wife in the student union there, so I am partial to Purdue for several reasons.”

“I understand the chicken is pretty good too.”

“Violin - Not sure I know much about the chicken, but I understand Orville Reddenbacher popcorn was developed there.”

“Phil: Letting go must be very hard - and even harder when they are a pleasure to have around the house. When my 17-year old son told me that he was going to live at home and go to community college the first 2-years after high school, I was happy because that means 2 more years of his company at home. He's my only child and I've raised him alone, so after he goes I'll be on my own.

It sounds like you should be proud of yourself for raising such a wonderful young woman.”

“http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=milxed" target="_blank"> googled?”

“Wow! A glimpse of lexical evolution in progress.”

“Did you tell her to watch out for Buddha Bear before she left?”