Requesting Advice from HMWHC

“Just broke up with yet another boyfriend. At Christmas no less. I can't really figure out who did the breaking up, but I know I brought the issue up.

Anyway, I'm starting a CFMO (can't figure men out) club and need tips for organizing and promoting.

It's almost comical that when you are a women not looking to jump right in to a "big" relationship and just want to honestly and truthfully get to know someone, men can't seem to handle it. I'm not sure if it is the non-committal period they do not like or the truth and honesty part.

Input?”

“We're insecure and scared.”

“I take that back. No we are NOT! (I hope I don't get in too much trouble with the guys.)

Disregard prior post.”

“your a brave soul to ask for advice from these clowns err guys.”

“{pointing at mouth}

Food goes in here.”

“We don't want you to find out that if you gave us an infinite supply of beer, chips, and the Playboy Channel, we'd be content for the rest of our lives.

The ones who have trouble lying about that run.


Of course, I'm only kidding....”

“I think its the whole “having to hang out with a chick instead of my friends even though I know I'm not gettin' it yet” part.”

“when you are a women not looking to jump right in to a "big" relationship and just want to honestly and truthfully get to know someone, men can't seem to handle it.

That may be your problem. Most men want neither.”

“Oooh Limpy,
That's what it seems like. But knowing that, if we took it too easy on you, you'd be offended. Right? It's not like being mean, just show us the respect of not playing games. Amazing, I think it would work.”

“Pathman,
Want neither of what? Honesty and Truth.”

“I haven't a clue what you are alluding to.
A guy just wants to "get his nut" a few times a week and a gal who flirts with him.
Some guys are just too young (boys) to appreciate that women need their feelings tended to.”

“Artex is onto something here. Did you feed the guy before giving him honesty and truth? He may not actually hear you one way or the other, but he will probably smile while you speak if you feed him first.”

“Neither big relationship or honestly and truthfully getting to know someone.”

“"A guy just wants to "get his nut" a few times a week"


now thats funny!

ps what the hell does that mean anyway?”

“Seriously though, if you actually told most people that you wanted to get to know them honestly and truthfully, you're gonna scare them off. I don't think that's a phenomenon limited to men, seeing as how it happened to me (with women, of course) a couple of times. The reaction was on the order of "Jeez, I just wanted to have some fun and you got all serious on me". The only time it didn't happen was when I met my wife-to-be, so I married her, lol...”

“the guys looking specifically for a big relationship are trouble, and those who don't want to get to know you are trouble. I am convinced the thing to do is relax, have a good time, and someday you'll discover a friend who is also "the one".”

“Pathman, that reminds me of the addage; "Come neither prepared to speak or to not speak."”

“I'll tell you honestly and truthfully that I'm HUNG.”

“The need to advertise by Ultrapecker? Unlikely. Better chance it's the need to conceal. Tsk tsk.”

“Hold out your arms and I'll show you.”

“Got home from work so I'm hutchathome. Honestly and truthfully getting to know someone means to me "having fun and not playing games" Being able to be open and honest about who I am and them behaving the same so that I see the real deal. I'm a silly person to begin with. Fun IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT!!! Being a confident, intelligent and active person at my age seems to be intimidating to you guys. I'll just finish by saying, everyone has there insecurities but women see them and actually find them sort of cute. The guys I meet seem to be fun and cool at first but then become so busy proving that they are successful, manly and aloof that they are the ones that start to forget the fun part. Thanks for the insight. I'll start that club now.
aka dhutch1”

“"I'll tell you honestly and truthfully that I'm HUNG."
ULTRAPecker
05:07:11 PM
12/30/02

Obviously a defective rope was used...”

“ULTRA
thus the trailname?
It doesn't count unless it works properly.”

“Losers! You're just jealous.”

“Just broke up with yet another boyfriend. ( I smell a rebounder) At Christmas no less. (you or he didn't waste any money did you?) I can't really figure out who did the breaking up, but I know I brought the issue up. (don't you always,,,,,,sounds like the BF did it if you're still wondering)

Anyway, I'm starting a CFMO (can't figure men out) club and need tips for organizing and promoting. ( its been done already, they're called thespians or something, I don't know)

It's almost comical that when you are a women not looking to jump right in to a "big" relationship(whoaaa who said anything about a relationship) and just want to honestly and truthfully get to know someone, (where is your playground) men can't seem to handle it.(if we could we would,,,,, all day) I'm not sure if it is the non-committal (whoaaa who said anything about a relationship) period (I'll pass dessert, honey) they do not like or the truth and honesty part. (did you say something?,,,,where's my sandwich?)

Input?" (like I said early if we could we would....)”

“Well, Briar, you have a lot to "input" I'll have to mull that over to understand it all. But hey, I'm not in to theater.”

“Don’t listen to that Rabbit honey – he’s a heap o’ trouble.

It’s got a mean streak a mile wide.”

“LOL at Briar

Hey Briar.... not sure I have the right email addy for you. If you didn't get an email from me today, send me your correct addy

hodgeman@telus.net”

“I suggest if you can't figure men out, you read up on evolutionary psychology. Much of human social life can be explained by examining the human genetic evolution of the mind over the last four million years. Nature designed men and women to think differently. The problems faced by our hunter-gatherer ancestors in the Pleistocene age caused these differences between the sexes because of the rules of evolution. Just look at some of the posts by our "missing links" for proof of those differences between the sexes. In other words, men are predisposed to care about the physical aspect of a relationship, where women are predisposed to care about the emotional aspect of a relationship.”

“There is an emotional aspect of a relationship?!?!

WTF- Nobody ever told me prosecutor!”

“dhutch: Your question is a little vague for me. What do you mean by the "big relationship?"

What did you want to have in your relationship, and what did you want to keep out of it?”

“I rest my case.”

“I like that!!! Just because you have a 'plumbing problem' and didn't heed the more apporpiate advice given to what ails you from others gives you no reason to refer to me as 'it', unless of course we have dated.
xoxoxoxo ;-)”

“LOL BB!

BTW: This guide for the perplexed should become a HMWHC classic:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3846/lead_you_on.html" target="_blank"> For those who don’t mind the F- word”

“lol!”

“Good Luck Hutch.
Keep in mind that men have never figured out Women out either.

BTW, You know Crazy Mike is on the prowl again. BEWARE!!!!! LOL!”

“Ped,
I want the fun, casual and honest part. And to put that unasked question, the good se* too. I want out the game playing and jealousy part, the running away when confronted with even the slightest mispoken word.

I understand the whole evolution thing, but men seem to think that if women have emotional moments, we're crazy. Haven't they done the homework too? We don't expect you to be the same or truly understand, and we know you like our differences. Just let the moments pass and there's a reward.”

“As bitpusher said, the issue is not limited to men. I've seen that misunderstanding work both ways. In fact, even in a committed relationship, the partners often develop at differing rates.

It's the not running away part that people of both sexes seem to have a problem with. Somebody who has been hurt in the past is more likely to bolt at the first sign of trouble.

Then again, sometimes bolting might be a sense of self preservation. There have been times when I should have bolted, lots of times.

Men and women have developed differing outlooks. In the evolutionary sense, the differences evolved as complementary - men took care of one set of issues and women another. That form of interaction continued until sometime around 1900, a period when men dominated in virtually every field. Having decided to put male dominance aside, we continue to grapple with the entire relationship issue - gender identity and how domestic responsibilities get divided up fairly (I'm not certain we've achieved responsibility equality yet; then again, women I have known did not seem disposed toward car maintenance).

I think that taking the time to get to know one another is intellectually sound, but not always emotionally possible. People's expectations run high, and we tend to put prospective partners on pedestals that do not fit. I have a hunch that differing, unreconciled sets of expectations are the real issue in relationships. One partner sees the relationship on one plane and the other partner sees it on an entirely different plane. True, honest communication is essential to reconciling differing expectations, but one or both partners may not want to go there. It is, after all, easier to run from the issue than deal with it. And fight or flight syndrome is not gender specific.

After a period of time passes, I look back on busted relationships with the view that it was better that they did break up, because it wasn't really there in the first place. How will I know when it is there? I'll let you know if I ever find out. In the meantime, it takes all I've got to just be me, and sometimes I don't do very well at that.”

“Wow Geo, thanks. What you say makes a lot of sense.

Here's some of the details, that you really don't care about. When confronted with the truly bizarre behavior of calling 4-5 times a day, but not making plans to see me since November and then getting "sick" at the last minute even though he was in town, the guy bolts. (long distance relationship) It was all so obvious. He should not have been surprised that I didn't just play along. The part I didn't get was the frequency of the intimate phone conversations.

I'm tired of this and have gotten some interesting comments. Now I'm going to gear up for this evening's night out on the town.

Happy New Year!

The sincere advice is appreciated, I'll try the Harps :)”

“Well, yes, when the relationship heads south it's time to circle the wagons and take care of yourself. Three years seems to be about the right amount of time, although I'm not certain whether it takes three years to get up the nerve to come out of the shell or three years to forget what a pain in the arse relationships can be when the two people don't really click.”

“Three years???? who's got that kinda of time. Take your medicine, evaluate the damage and treat your wound from time to time and get your arse back in the tench before you end up with a house full of cats.”

“How can you put a time limit on any of it?? Time is relative anyway. What is the tree year goal Geo? Three years til you sleep together? Three years til you marry? Three years til you commit to an exclusive relationship. In three years, you could be dead.”

“(I'm not certain we've achieved responsibility equality yet; then again, women I have known did not seem disposed toward car maintenance).
Geobeet

LOL!!

Poor dhutch. Been there, done that. Still don't understand men, but what the hell else ya gonna do??

There's all kinds of issues in a relationship. Sounds like you were putting up with all kinds of crap with this guy, at least to me. Be glad it's done, although it's tough to, pun intended, kiss another "relationship" good-bye.

Just rest assured, it wasn't one. It needs to click on all levels. And I mean even just for fun, casual stuff.”

“dhutch, is there a possibility he was married? That might be an explanation for the bizarre behavior. All us married guys are really weird, lol...”

“Three years is what it takes for me to drop the emotional baggage of a busted relationship, never mind the reason it was busted. Jumping from one relationship to another seems to me to be a good way to doom the next relationship (Insanity: doing the same thing the same way over an over again expecting different results).

Yes bitpusher, I thought the guy taking the cell phone into the bathroom was a giveaway he was cheating on a wife or SO as well. Sort of a page out of The Mind of a Married Man.”

“I was thinking more of the 4 or 5 phone calls a day, plus not seeing her since November, plus suddenly coming down "sick" when he's in town, then bolting when she calls him out on it all. But the bathroom thing, yah, that sounds like a cheater, too.”

“The entire pattern fits.”

“She: So who were you calling in the bathroom dear?

He: Oh, nobody in particular. Just somebody at work.

She: Well, couldn't you talk about it out here?

He: No, it's all pretty hush-hush.

She: I hope they're not going to make you work on our anniversary.

He: (under breath) Oh #&%!$!

She: Did you say something dear?

He: Oh, nothing sweetie, I just said I'm looking forward to IT!

(He heads back to bathroom to cancel date with girlfriend.)”

“There is the possibility, but if so, his wife lived in Reno, he in Chicago. We called each other at home, he didn't hide in the bathroom, he just didn't think anything of talking wherever he was. I met his friends and co-workers. Plus this was just a 4 month old relationship. I'm not broken hearted or seriously hurt, maybe disappointed that he wasn't the man proclaimed. I guess I just wanted confirmation that I did the right thing. It is like a woman to feel a little guilty. He probably was sick at the time I called him out, but that didn't make the rest of the crp any different. Don't feel sorry for me Lizs, I'm the best girlfriend this guy ever let get away.”

“I need advice bad.
I try not to fall for the greeting car and chocolate blackmail on Valentine's day - but I know girls expect something - so I decide to take my girlfriend to lunch. To be extra nice, I even take her to a place with no TVs, video-games or waitresses in hotpants.

She seems very nice and even gets me a backpacking type present. It all seems great and then suddenly something changes. She uses the "M" word! While I'm eating! I try to help her see how embarassed she should be about doing this when out comes the "M" word again - and the "C" word!

She starts talking about getting deeper, and she wasn't even talking about penetration!

Cripes! She is great in bed. Always ready to go big time. And she is a lot of fun, but I don't know how I can overlook this.

What should I do? I've considered several things, so far... but maybe there are better solutions:

1) Run.
2) Start banging ever chick I can have (and asking every one I lay eyes on).
3) Never, ever call her again.
4) Move.
5) Change my name
6) Change my phone number.
7) Never ever do anything for a girl on her birthday, Valentines day or XMas - in order to insure proper turnover and to keep the ones that stick around in the right frame of mind.

I'm still too freaked for words... you can see why I logged in as”