Sugg. For H.S. Students

“Most of you have probably read at sometime or another about how I give presentations once a yr. at my old h.s. on contraception, child birth, and child development. I try to give very "reality check" types of presentations. I give them exact figures on everything from financial impact to time it takes to feed a newborn. I tell them about the stress of unplanned preg., the gory details of delivery, the impact on your relationship, etc. I talk about failure rates of contraception and this yr. I even brought in my little sis and had her speak about all the hellish complications she experienced in her multiples preg.

My question then is this: I can't seem to get through to the boys as much, do you think that next yr. I should bring a guy around my age, that is a father, to speak a bit too? Do you think I can't get them as involved in the discussion and activities, because there isn't a male figure there to back me up?”

“good luck”

“Thanks for the positive note Chili! LOL!”

“Sounds like hearing it from a guy who is taking his part responsibily would be a great idea. When you get done at you old H.S. you can come do it here.

Bless you for doing it.

Rick”

“i think it's a good idea to bring in a guy! they probably think it's not their problem.”

“j/k ng,,,I say take a guy. If there was someone who had to put his dreams on hold, it would be have an impact. Say a football player that wound up sacking groceries to pay child support instead of going to college to play ball.”

“VC2, I really like doing it. I believe in it. This yr. I made one of the boys tell me how a condom works and why they sometimes fail. I made another boy taste formula and report back to the other students about it. That is about as involved as I can get them. One thing they did enjoy: I had the class have a bidding war to estimate my little sis's entire prenatal, hospital, delivery, and NICU for the twins costs. The boys liked that, but I think they liked it because they got to yell out their guesses.”

“I suppose I just want to get through to one kid. If one girl or boy ea. yr. really hears my message, that's pretty good. I think I've made that goal w/ the girls ea. yr., but I'm not sure about the boys. I think the girls get it, that my life changed dramatically due to unplanned preg. (and I wasn't even a teen), but the boys are a little slow to catch on.”

“you're so cool, newgirl. :-)”

“I can't believe I'm worrying about this right now. I need to frickin' pack!”

“Wow! Thanks Lyra! I hope I'm cool enough to pack my damn house in 2 days, or I won't be movin' anywhere on Sat. I also hope those kids think I'm cool enough to listen. That's a factor w/ h.s. kids. They kinda' got to think you're cool or they won't listen. LOL!”

“That's a good thing you do newgirl! I hope you reach some of those kids. A home video of labor would be good (side view is enough) it's so much harder for a girl to be pregnant and give birth the younger she is.

Except on tv...do you actually know any high school boys (or any male for that matter) who had to give up anything because they got a girl pregnant? And how many of them (boys or girls) had to pay for the delivery?

I find the number of kids having kids to be unbelievable. Part of it is that "it won't happen to me" attitude, along with society's general acceptance of it.”

“Newgirl, it doesn't seem like you've approached it from the VD angle yet. Are you doing that? If you can find a couple of gnarly pictures of diseased male members, you might get through to the guys. I don't think you're ever going to get through to him with a guy saying what he gave up because he got a girl pregnant, most of the boys are going to be thinking, "What a wimp!" But if you scare them into thinking their peckers will drop off, then you might get somewhere.”

“One of the things I have learned about HS publis speaking is that the "shock" approach nowadays has lost it's effectiveness. They are used to that kind of junk from our media. Having a guy speak to them like what chilli suggested would be one good way to go, if you can find one. I'd think about bring parents off kids who had kids, but it would be really effective if you could bring in someone that they knew, or heard about recently from there peer group. I would stress to you that who every you bring in, that they speak to them not to shock them, but speak frankly about there situation. Make it something that they can relate to. Talking about the expenses is good and your doing that. Keep in kind that kids nowadys have a real short attention span and are used to instant gratifation, no pun intended, so what you will say WILL fall on deaf ears, just be ok with that. You will reach the couple and that is how you will make the difference, one small group at a time. Also, relize that they will see you as an adult, not there age and will listen to you as such. You have a difficult subject matter. You have to battle everything that they read, see and hear. Maybe let them know that they are being controlled by business to consume and have sex. When I taught Video Productions on of the things I would say on the first day of class would be something like this :

Today, you got up this morning. Who told you what to wear? What to eat? What to drink? What music to listen to? How to act? What to brush your teeth with? What to use in your hair? What to drive to school? etc.....

the list is very long....

Find your style and keep what works and get rid of what doesn't and most importantly - DON'T Get FRUSTRATED!

Good luck!”

“Laqtis, I agree about the shock value not working. I am just very frank. I want other speakers I bring w/ me to be frank as well. I'm not embarassed to talk about anything. That got a few kids this yr. They tried to snicker and giggle and ask questions that they thought I would be embarassed to answer. Turned out they were the ones who got embarassed, 'cause I was sooo straight w/ them. I think my age is an assest right now. I'm not so much older than them that they think, "Old person alert!" I'm also not so close to their own age that they don't show some respect. I'm not to hip on bring a kid their own age in. They won't respect them, unless I can find a very mature one. Hard to do.

Bit, I do talk about VD, but they've already seen the horrible pics. I don't necessarily think I need to bring a guy in who had to give up his dreams, just a guy who had to face some reality and who can frankly relate the saga!”

“NG --

In your experience (speaking in the HS (!!)) could it be said that the average HS boy is focused on trying to get a little: who has, who hasn't, whose got it, whose giving it away??

You might reach the kid who is in a long term relationship, that progresses in stages to intercourse. At least I would hope that you would either reach the boy or the girl, and they would take appropriate preventative measures.

But what about the kids who are just trying to get a lttle . . at a party or wherever.

Is there just a core group that is so busy working on their next scam that they aren't focused on preventative measures?

The VD route suggested might work . . .but you might also get the "it'll never happen to me" syndrome

hmmmmmmm”

“Well that worked for me. I knew two guys who got their girlfriends pregnant at a young age. One was even still in middle school. I knew I didn't want to be in that predicament, so I was very careful. But I was also an atypical teen (surprise surprise).

It might work better if you have someone that the boys know come and talk to them. It will bring it closer to home if it's someone they know.”

“Lee, good pt. I noticed one boy last yr. He asked me if I knew the failure rate of Norplant and a few other good questions. He seemed pretty mature and I'm reasonably sure that he was in a long relationship w/ a girl, and she was prolly using Norplant. I was glad that he wanted info. on failure rates and I hoped he would talk w/ her about the info. I gave him.

Another important thing I want to get across. Being a young parent, doesn't mean you have to be a crappy parent. Young parents can be excellent parents. They just need to get the resources and education to do it. That is very possible and I let the kids know that. Every yr. I tell them that if any of them find themself in the sit., they can give me a call and I'd be more than happy to help them navigate the system and get up to speed on every thing they will soon be facing as a parent.”

“NG ..

Maybe the casual sex folks are even an issue?????

Do you have any stats regarding pregnacies resulting from relationships of some sort vs from casual partners??

I suppose it would automatically be higher for relationship couples, because presumably they are doing it more consistently and frequently (unless they are married, but that's not what we are here to discuss!).

But . . I would also suspect that preventative measure are more common in relationships?? Hmmmmm I guess I could see the Pill being utilized more in a relationship, but the condomn less?

Not sure where I am going with these thoughts.


I guess, that if you could demonstrate to those kids who THINK that it can't happen to them, that it COULD, DOES, and WILL happen to them, if they aren't appropriately careful.



I'll tell you what . . .I think the problem stems from the fact that it is so much damn fun.

Fooling around with my girlfriend in HS, all that first time exploring and stuff . . .It was just FANTASTIC . . .you couldn't have stopped us with a firehose!!!”

“Frankly I think it will be really hard to reach the boys. You've got biology going against you - we aren't natural born nurturers. Add the invincibility factor - they don't believe the drunken driving death, drug, cancer scares, etc. - unwanted pregnancy is unlikely to faze them.

My advice would be to concentrate on reaching the girls - you're really much saner than we are.”

“I have to agree with Violin on this point. You're going to have to get near 100% on the girls. HS age guys are hard to convince that they will ever have something bad happen to them.”

“Did someone say pecker?”

“i don't think you should avoid trying to get through to the guys. i really don't buy it that girls are less apt to think they're invincible. i still don't think anything bad will ever happen to me, and i'm not even a teenager!”

“newgirl, you underestimate teenagers if you think that they don't respect their peers. many times they will listen to another teenager A LOT quicker than they will listen to an adult.”

“Bring in a lawyer who specializes in paternity suits or, a minister and an old man with a shot gun.”

“You're wasting your time, IMO. You're not likely to say anything they haven't already heard. You're not likely to show anything they haven't already seen. You'll be lucky to affect even the aforementioned "one".

I'm in my seventh year as a HS Construction teacher. I see 80 boys and three girls per day. I've determined that they're either going to, or they're not going to "do it". One more lecture from one more adult isn't likely to hold much sway. Nonetheless, I'd probably do what you do anyway. Heck.. why not - kids can be a hoot! Or a %$&(^#@ - I never know from one day to the next.

Adolescents, especially boys, are invincible. If you don't believe me... ask them. The Invincibility Fable is a real phenomenon. They know bad things happen, but they're too smart, or whatever, for it to happen to them personally.

You might want to mention that teen pregnancy is at a 60 year low.
(I just happen to know that).

Will you do this during summer school, per chance?

I could stop by and show my scar - and my pus-stained undies. Ew!
heheheeee!

Good luck, punkin.”

“I only read mebbe 1/3 of the posts, BTW (in case I got repetetive).”

“hey im in High school! im a guy!. well part of what gojo is true but not every hs guy thinks they're invincible, but a lot do. Either way you'll have a hard time getting through to any guys but you should definatly keep trying. good luck.”

“Gojo, I normally do it in early Jan., during my winter break from college. Too bad, I'd love to show them your scar and undies!

I don't know. I like doing it. Running girl, I said they would not respect their peers because of comments I overheard about a girl from last yr.'s class that got preg. Not nice. Thanks for your thoughts everyone.”

“Also, Lee I do demostrate that it can, will, and does happen. Every yr. I say this, "The pill has a 1 to 3% faliure rate. I know. I was on the pill for 6 yrs. when I became pregnant w/ my daughter. I took it every morning, like it was a religion. I'm part of the 1 to 3%."”

“Maybe if you approach this from a different angle the young men might take interest. First of all maybe you should try to convince them that having kid's is okay. And that the cost and responsibility is alot for the youth to take on, but can be done. And secondly maybe you should convince them that it is not gory to watch a child come into this world. Because it is not. Why don't you show them the positive side of a family instead. I know it is hard to explain to them the truth. But the truth is, we are here to do what you want them not to do. Try to convince them to delay childbirth as long as possible. I have six childern, and I enjoyed the whole process thus far.”

“I had a friend who used to give "Safe Sex" classes to high school students here in Detroit. She would walk in front of the class, take a condom out of the package, proceed to stretch it and place it over her head with her nose in it, and blow it up. Then, she would take it off her head, look at the students and say, "Don't ever tell me 'It won't fit'." She said that this alone, would for some reason, relax the male students enough to talk. I didn't beleive she could do this so I asked her to show me, and I'll be damned if she didn't do it. It was funny as hail!”

“Hi Newgirl!

I think the answer is in long term programming. The effect of a random person from outside the school/family/friend environment is likely to be small.

Build relationships over the long term and kids will care about what you say to them.

But every bit helps, I guess.”

“My husband deals with boys (same age group) about this subject regularly..of course these boys are in placement.

Anyway, he sorta confronts them when they say "I don't care - the #&%!$ hasta deal with it." He makes them look at their own life situation - 95% of these boys have no father in the picture.

You probably do this but make sure you emphasize what continual sleep depravation does. Even well prepared parents have difficulty with this. I'd also mention the "dead" social life. Everybody's going out but you have to stay home with the kid. Then when you do go out, you can't really "party hearty" because at 5:30am the kid needs to be changed, fed, etc. and you need to deal. No days off.

I agree young parents can be good parents. I was young when I had mine and I am a good parent.”

“Thanks for all the suggestions everyone. Some of them I have thought of and use, some of them I didn't think of and haven't previously used. It's good to see that others care about this subject. I wish I could reply individually, but today is the last day before moving day and I'm in a hurry. I just wanted to check in and see what was posted.”