“I got 5 out of 11. :(

Great stuff!”

“7 out of 11

Polish fishermen wouldn't like me.”

“3 put of 11. MUHAHAHAHA! Who needs eti,...what?”

“6 out of 11, interesting stuff.”

“It's bull.

I dropped out after the first question. Kids in China eat everytrhing on their plates, just like everyone else.

At formal dinners rice is served at the end in case you didn't get enough of everything else. It would be considered odd to eat any.”

“Don't believe him! Gremlin eats with his feet!”

“And besides, he probably likes gravy on french fries. Gross!”

“I bet Gremlin loves mayonaisse and puts it on everything, ewwww.....”

“What's wrong with gravy on french fries?”

“I heard he eats backbacon and Liegenkugals beer.”

“What's wrong with Leinenkugals beer???”

“b/c someone trashed the other.


Ever seen this??


Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 1383 8.15

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 1028 8.04

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1603 7.71

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. 367 7.64

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 1386 7.62


A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. 341 7.59

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 1368 7.54


The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 1564 7.53


Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't #&%!$ with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. 1432 7.51


Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 858 7.47


If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 1745 7.47


Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 1403 7.45


To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 1602 7.44


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 731 7.4


Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". 1364 7.34

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. 1687 7.32


Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 647 7.28


Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 735 7.25


Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." 725 7.25


Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. 1717 7.25


Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 530 7.22


Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day. 1092 7.22


The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 750 7.22


When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." 1592 7.22


Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a #&%!$ing Indian. 358 7.2

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". 1663 7.18


When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 811 7.18

Chuck Norris once decided to make a vibrator that would simulate the size and power of his actual #&%!$. The result was a baseball bat tied to a jackhammer. 860 7.17


When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 1064 7.15


Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas 732 7.15”

“that's waaaay too much info about chuck norris”

“it was funnier in its original form.


I should have just provided the link

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty”

“I had half the floor in my office reading this because my laughter was so loud.

Everyone here liked this on the best:

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.”

“that link was funny!! this one is sooo weird!

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

LMAO!!”

“You left out:

One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.”

“oh god! the more i read that, the more i'm cracking up!”

“Totally bored at work and TT is slow so I decided to dig up this gym:

http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck

this is my favorite

Chuck Norris found four dingle-berries hanging off his butt. He trimmed them with nail clippers and they grew into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

“Apparently we all hate fun today! LOL! Sorry, PHUN. Personally I feel like my brain's been replaced with styrofoam peanuts.”

“Yeah I spent a couple of hours in the Chief's office about a fire call. It was pretty cool, I went in there to defend myself....he agrees with me”

“its my day off...actually I have a 3 day weekend here but im showing the house to potential buyers this weekend, so I cant go anywhere :( I'm stuck cleaning the house and boxing things up. It sure looks diffrent with all the trail maps and signs off the walls.....”

“you guys are sellin the house?...were ya movin?”

“This is harder than it looks. It can only be done by about 1 in 10 people: http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/6489/a-maze-ing_new_cursor3.swf”

“Made it no problem...thanks vile cute maze.”

“thanks, nearly had an accident in my shorts.”

“that was a rotten trick........”

“LOL the guys on the ladder truck discovered the old "BUZZER" at the old station actually just plugged into an outlet....when you hit hte light switch THE HORN GOES OFF!!

So they took it and plugged it into the outlet for the exhaust fan for one of the bathrooms....then they videotaped reactions.

The best was on of the captains who hit the switch...the thing goes off...and he calmly looks up and sees the horn, turns around turns off the light and shakes his head and walks out.”

“My mouse sucks too bad to manage that.”

“I think what makes it hard to complete is that by the time you get to the difficult part you want to scratch your eyes out from that dorky music. I found myself hurrying to finish so I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore.”

“

Your Score: SurpriseAdoption Cat

42% Affectionate, 62% Excitable, 46% Hungry

Calloused. Heartless. Exuberant. You carry the heavy burden of informing children that they are adopted by jumping out of their birthday cake. A difficult task, but somebody must break the news to children on their only day of happiness.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(GumOtaku)”

“You are the good Samaritan of the lolcat world. Protecting others from danger by shouting observations and guidance in cases of imminent threat, you believe in the well-being of everyone.”