Pottymouth Meets The Giant Metal Monster

“Ok, who won? Maple has a vending machine at works that sells snacks and candy. Answering a mean hankering for a tasty box of Goobers, she approaches the the mammouth goodie container. Looking that summbeech dead in the eye, she takes aim at that carefully placed vertical slot. Pushing the last of her coins in like like a seamstress threading a needle, the giant box sucks the denero down like a junkie relishing that first rush of heroin. After selecting F4, Maple, sensing a problem in extracting said Goobers from the keeper of the carbs, realizes that there is no box of candy strategically placed at the edge where gravity usually does its thing. Now, this is no ordinary problem. If it was just a hanger-on, then she could use genuine American ingenuity and beat the living crap out of the thing. No, there was a space in the pig tail like device inside where the box of Goobers should have been. "%$$#@#$&&*^$#$", she said. And, what's more, "&^%$#%^& (*&^$##$ ^$@@^&* *&^$##@." "And your mama too!!!!", she footnoted. Now, those of you that have had this happen to them know that it would stand to reason that she used the last of her change. The compulsion to beat the hell out of the machine was almost as strong as the desire for the Goobers. Now, ripping the old desk apart, she vented her frustration and found just enough loose change mixed in with whatever dust and lint were present and proceeded back to the machine. Staring that metal alloy bugger dead in its face (?), she doubled the toll paid since embarking on this arduous journey. "The Goobers are mine," she thought. Then released the candy spitter froma fate worse than death as the Goobers fell to their destiny. "&%^$ you," she mumbled as she triumphantly strutted back to her desk. Moral of the story? Perhaps a testimonial for the Atkins diet?”

“What about Raisinettes?”

“Aren't those just dried out Goobers, Tom?”

“LMFAO
wow you are good treebeard. thats was pretty friggin funny!!


ps, no goobers were hurt in the making of this story.

I just ate the little buggers.”

“Whoa Nellie! Salty language is one thing, but she has a mean streak too?

Okay Maple, ya need to start wearing a patch over one eye, carrying a parrot on your shoulder, a cutlass in your belt, and a leather bag of doubloons.”

“...and start singing Jimmy Buffett tunes....”

“A pirate in a kayak! A yuppy pirate!”

“Avast, swab the %$*&@ poop deck, jib the $#@&* yardarm, board the $@*^$ galley!”

“Now you're talking...”

“but I cant tell anyone to swab anyhting in a kayak. its only for 1 person....”

“"....sucks the denero down like a junkie relishing that first rush of heroin....."


WTF??? For a minute there I thought you were describing my ex wife.....”

“I have to tell you tree, you are a master of the english langue.”

“Sounds to me like treebeard was there watching it all go down.”

“QUESTION
Were there ever any female pirates?

ANSWER
Of course - where do you think baby pirates came from?”

“yes Gina Davis was one..in a movie”

“I like to think of it as karmic revenge, because every now and then you'll visit the "keeper of the carbs" and their will be a hanger-on! WhaM-sLaP!!! It's mine and it was free-yippee! Not exactly, because you lost money to the metal monster just two weeks ago...”

“now, there's some Candy!”

“Potty mouth?

Does she drive a mule team?

I'm an old Teamster!”

“So, like what did you do with Jimmy Hoffa?”

“turned him into Jane Hoffa”

“He's holding up Giants Stadium, isn't he?”

“Take your goobers and go home. Let's dump this thread and just talk about Geena Davis. I mean, she was smokin hot playing a baseball catcher for crying out loud.”

“Geez Pennsy, did you never see Earth Girls Are Easy?

The hottest she's ever been was in that movie...”

“Of course I saw that movie. verrry hot! I just wanted to point out that even in a baseball movie, she looked hot.”

“Well sure, but in EGAE, well, let's say I almost had an accident when she's in that bikini in the pool....”

“CIVIL COURT OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK

100 CENTRE STREET

NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10001


Attorneys for


MAPLELEAF





In re

GOOBERS INCIDENT

CPLR 1203 (1)(C)




,
BIG METAL MONSTER
(AKA - KEEPER OF THE CARBS)
,

v.

,


MAPLELEAF
(TUFFFARGINWOMAN) .


,

,

v.

,

.


,

,

v.

1. FIRST COUNT:

DEFENDANT KNOWINGLY USED FOUL AND PROFANE LANGUAGE DIRECTED AT PLAINTIFF CAUSING IRREPARABLE HARM TO IT'S FEELINGS

2: SECOND COUNT:

DEFENDANT STRUCK PLAINTIFF IN EFFORT TO EXTRACT CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUTS WITHOUT PAYING FOR THEM

3. THIRD COUNT:

DEFENDANT KNOWINGLY RIDICULED AND SLANDERED PLAINTIFF, CAUSING UNTOLD REPERCUSSIONS FROM OTHER NEIGHBORING VENDING MACHINES, MAKING IT VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBEL; FOR BIG METAL MONSTER TO CONTINUE CONDUCTING BUSINESS IN THAT VENDING AREA.
)
)
)
)
)
)Case No.: 17 CV 12 02020


Complaint Filed:



DATE: FEBRUARY 6, 2003
TIME:
:

DISCOVERY CUTOFF:
MOTION CUTOFF:
TRIAL DATE:


PLAINTIFF IS SEEKING DAMAGES AMOUNTING TO SEVERAL HUNDRED BOXES OF ASSORTED CANDY AND CHIPS, ENOUGH TO RELOCATE AND RESTOCK ITSELF FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARSmAPLE”

“Can I be on the jury?”

“treeman, you have WAY TO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS.

gawd, that was funny.
Geo remember when the Psycho squirrel sued you? now that was a classic!!
hey can i get his lawyer to help me?



calling Psycho Squirrel's Lawyer”

“Getting sued is way more serious than getting a thread banned!

I think Psycho's lawyer was H. Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe with offices in Harvard Square.

(Get it? Huey, Louey, and Dewey?)”

“LOL your silly”

“That's who I work for, Geo!”