Depression

“I wish I could say something helpful, Templar, but I can't and so I shall keep my mouth shut.

I am on early retirement from my beloved career as a high school teacher. I always believed I would die in my classroom or in the snow on a mountain. Didn't happen.

Divinity's idea about collecting happy memories works for me. Euro has seen my 'happy wall', heck there is a photo of her, MarkO and myself on the second wall (the first one is full). I have photos that go back to 1978.

The lousy things in my life will always be with me, part of me, but there are good things, good times and good friends and I have managed to buid a pretty good life.

And for the first... never mind.

Doug”

“Gremlin, I am sorry you missed your plan to die in the classroom. The good news is, there won't be any traumatized high school students, who witnessed you bite the dust.

About Plan B: dying in the snow on a mountian. I think that goal is still achivable. You just need someone who drives you on a mountain, unloads you from your wheelchair and dumbs you into the snow.”

“Now that is good and practical advice.

As for traumatised students, as you know, I run into them all the time - a part of being a rural school teacher. I run into their parents and I kiss their babies.

My children always refused to go in the grocery store (until they were too old to be embarassed by their father) and it would sometimes take an hour to buy a litre of milk.

You see? Some times are good times. I guess I'm in remission right now. Also my buddy and I tossed bales all day yesterday (better than therapy) and had a few beers in the pool afterward.”

“I am on early retirement from my beloved career as a high school teacher. I always believed I would die in my classroom or in the snow on a mountain. Didn't happen.
Gremlin
10:20:25 AM
7/29/10

my 2nd grade teacher died at her desk...no kidding...we were out to recess.”

“Hey Divinity you have some good ideas. I appreciate all the input. I don't dwell on the bad things just to dwell on them and get as much exercise as I can to make sure that my endorphins are kicking; however, being depressed due to a lack of chemicals is a little different than situational.

I would like to try acupuncture one of these days.”

“Div, you kids gave her a heartstroke?”

“anyone here have an opinion regarding EMDR?”

“acupuncture was nice...I knew it would not hurt....but it did in some....I asked why...she said because that's where you need it!...I felt better right away...maybe it was all in my head...but I did feel better....
...I have trouble relaxing my mind...what I have left :)

...I am on a quest now to be better and feel better...I was on quite a low for quite awhile...my motto was...."life sucks and then you die"...and even tho I don't show it much on here, I get very low and just want to die...”

“EMDR???”

“oh...I looked it up..interesting....”

“I would suggest Raptor that you try to spend a day thinking of all the lousy things that have happened in your life and see how you feel. That is how I feel every day.”
TheTemplar

Templar, you think you are the ONLY expert on Depression?
What I have learned about depression is, it could be the very nice, quiet person sitting next to you, it could be this really funny comedian who is cracking jokes all the time, it could be the devote mother, the teacher, the really tough firefighter or even the hardened soldier, whose still talking the war hero talk, but every now and then is breaking down and then sees the face of that slowly dying boy...
I know all of them. The comedian, the devote mother, the junky, the soldier. None of them wears a sign around their neck, saying "I am sooo depressed and YOU don't know what it is like".”

“What TT said.

Doug
last edited: 7/29/10 11:24:05 AM”

“*snicker*”

“I never claimed to be the authority on depression. I am only talking about my experiences with this problem. You could have said all of this earlier and I would have agreed with you whole heartedly. I know those people too. I see them all the time in my job. As a matter of fact I may be the happy go lucky guy sitting next to you that may have a breakdown at some point. Most people don't know that I suffer from Bipolar Disorder.”

“oh holy hell he is back...”

“i decided to quit the lexapro. it wasn't working. talked with my psych and we are doubling the trazadone instead, this is also based on the fact that my insomnia is getting worse. my neurologists have increased my topomax because of the increase in seizures, my psych says this may help with the PTSD as well. i'm having a two hour EEG in september, and possibly a 3 day EEG one or two months after that.

good news, the VA increased my PTSD disability percentage. it's going to help tremendously and it tells me that they have finally taken me seriously. this is one huge stressor i am finally done with.”

“That is good news, Dizzy, hang in there.

Doug”

“that's awesome news”

“Congratulations Dizzy.”

“My buddies are starting to hint at worries that I might crash when it's all over. I hope not. I'm starting to feel better and hope to get in a few bag nights when I'll be free.

We'll see, I guess.”

“thanks guys.

i went fishing today. caught one too!”

“woooooo Hoooo dizzy!!!...I love to fish!!!”

“No THAT'S good therapy, Diz. As for me the trout are still in the river.”

“i have finally decided to ask for the ECT. i went for a five day trip. two of those i spent at a boy scout camp, three of them at a primitive camp nearbye. i had unlimited money. i bought some gear. i could spend exactly what i wanted. i was with people i loved. they treated me beautifully. i did pretty much what i liked. i was still depressed. it's time for shock treatment.”

“You want to fry your brain!? What's next - Lobotomy?

Well, you probably read and informed yourself about it, but some say, ECT is another form of Lobotomy, aiming at randomly distroying brain cells.

:-(”

“Good luck, Dizzy.

Doug”

“thanks Doug. i'm going to talk to my psychiatrist next tuesday.”

“Well, I just had my twice yearly appointment to get my teeth checked and cleaned. I need to make two more appointments because I have broken four teeth, actually just the fillings, fortunately. I brake them in my sleep during periods of high stress.

Fortunately (again) my daughter's operation was a total success. She'll be on crutches for another four to five weeks and then physio will begin.”

“That's 'break'.”

“I got a paper cut. I hate paper cuts.”

“the ups and downs, huh doug? hang in there, thinking of you.”

“ah, the good ol' post backpacking detox (or maybe it's retox). Anybody got any cures?”

“Grem, good to hear. about your daughter...sorry about the teeth thing. I am certain the dentist will get to the root of the problem and I hope in the future you develop a close bond with your needs.”

“Oh, the teeth are from grinding them in my sleep due to the stress of this summer. They'll be all right, but my insurance doesn't cover dental work.”

“I took a day off from work. The weather was just so wonderful. The morning air was fresh and clear, with 15°C (whatever that is in °F). I did something that I haven’t done in a long time – I did a road trip to the mountains.
I drove to Susten Pass. At Steingletscher I parked the car and walked the 20 minutes to the glacier. I knew it’s only a short walk, nothing serious, very enjoyable. I was surrounded by glaciated mountains. Up here the first snow had fallen a few days ago. It was all soo beautiful. I was gazing around and compared what it felt like now, to what it had felt like the first time I had been up here. For a second I stopped in my tracks, then walked on. I just realized this here had been one of the first places I visited when I had arrived in this country. Eight years ago! It must have been a weekend in late summer, yes, it quite possibly may have been September. This morning I was almost exactly retracing the steps I had walked eight years ago. I was curious to see how the glacier was looking compared to what it did then. I knew Steingletscher had been melting dramatically over the last years. Most of the time though my thoughts circled around how different my life had been then. How different I had felt in those days: hopes, expectations, visions. How much of it was left today? How much of ME was left today? I looked at the emotions that came up with those thoughts and yes, there was some regret, some vague sadness too. What was missing though was feelings of deepest despair and hopelessness, that had been ruling the last three or four years.
I looked around and quietly enjoyed the view of the mountains around me, the waterfalls, the cold air, the mild sunlight, the sound of rushing water from the streams. For this moment I felt at ease. Just at ease. It was okay. I was okay. Would I have been here exactly one year ago, nothing of this beauty, would have reached my heart. Sunlight would not reach down into that dark abyss of utter hopelessness. I simply would not have been able to feel such things as happiness, beauty or joy.”

“Very nice Euro!”

“:-)”

“beautiful”

“I feel better already.”

“sometimes depression is like a #&%!$ing storm surge.”

“:-(”

“I'm sinking....”

“going down?”

“Hey Div. Sorry you hit a down spot. You've got what it takes to endure this and move forward.”

“Chin up, darlin. The doors always open on your trips through on the way to Ohio.”

“Sorry to hear that, Divinity. I hopr you have some people close enough to you to trust and to help.

I haven't been on TT much because my life is, uh, interesting lately (about two years now). I'm beginning to wonder if I won't start to get down as it nears the end (not my life - the situation).

Take care, Everybody.

Doug”

“

I'm sinking....
divinity

I'm sunk! Ever since I fell for you many years ago.”