Depression

“Well, I posted on What Would You Do? and it marks the end, or rather the beginning after two years of struggle.

Last year my daughter called to say she had a tumour in her hip. Last year was devoted to her, travelling to Toronto, staying there, bringing her back, seeing her at her mother's in Ottawa and Westville, NY.

Last January my son called to ask to live with me to finish his course. Now I live in a tiny, one-room schoolhouse built in 1830. If it were a flat in town it would be huge, but it's pretty small for two adult males. Anyway, things have been pretty good, considering.

My son finished his course to-day. After years of ups and downs struggling with bi-polar disorder he now has a trade card and something behind him that no-one can take away.

Never give up.
Never close the door.
Love always and without reservation.

God help us all.

Doug”

“Well, I drove to Lyon Mountain Sunday morning for an easy hike. I noticed a car behind my with no front plate - that means he's from Quebec as I am. Well he followed me and turned at Chazy Lake Road and it was obvious he was planning to do Lyon Mountain too. By the time I got to the turn-off for the trail-head I was pretty shaky.

I suffer from Severe Anxiety Disorder, Social Avoidance Disorder and Agoraphopia. I've pretty much been in remisson the last three years or so, but the last two years ate up the last of my reserves, I guess.

No way was I running into someone at trail-head. I pulled over to the verge of the road and let him go by to trail-head. He stopped and looked at me and then kept going.

I decided to drive to DeBar at Meeham Lake State Park, but when I got there it was over by then. I drove back home. I'm going back on the 16th with winter tyres to check out the area in the possibility that FYAO will be there.

Mental illness is a bitsh!

I need a good rest at Christmas with no-one round. I'm driving my kids to their mother (and my husband-in-law's) cottage in Westville, NY and picking them up on the 26th. I hope to spend the two nights at the Alpine Club of Canada's 'farmhouse' in Keene, NY and recharge a few batteries.

Just wanted to talk, eh?”

“Sorry to hear of the relapse, but it sounds like you have a good plan ahead of you.”

“Dayum bro! Kick back and take it easy for a bit, that auta charge them batteries up some.”

“Thanks. I just wanted to vent without whining to everybody round here. I got a reality check during the deer season. We were in Bob's garage just down the hill (as you know) and there was, in addition to the usual bunch of fools, Bob's uncle Rod, you might remember him - quite a character. After heaving a few I mentionned that if I had to go through another year like the last two I wouldn't be able to do it.

Rod told me not to say that. He reminded me he had spent 3½ years going to the hospital and then the hospice twice a day after his wife's stroke while she was in a final coma. Rod had sold his business in Las Vegas to retire here and spend time with his two brothers and enjoy life with his wife. Both brothers died in the first year of his return and then his wife had her stroke.

Bob was right there beside us. He spent over 5 years going through the death of his daughter from a brain tumour in 2 000; she would be 32 to-day - the same age as Charlie.

I thanked him for the reality check and said I'd shut the #&%!$ up and count my blessings. Sometimes, however, I want to talk and benefit from the anonymity of the 'net.”

“Good Lord Gremlin, it might help a little to visit a different garage from now on.”

“Hey Grem. I am sorry to hear about another tough patch. Hope your plan to recharge works out. Come on down and do some New England hiking someday when it works for you.”

“Thanks, Ped.

Everybody has a story, Naked.”

“Yes brother that's a fact. But I do feel like a dumb putz for any complaining I've recently delt.”

“Yeah, but sometimes it helps.

Besides, when I'm down I get a lot of cooking and cleaning done. I have chicken soup, beef stew, lasagna and goulash in the freezer and my oven is spotless.

LOL, eh?”

“Come on down and stay with us for a spell Grem.”

“I haven't been down to North carolina in a while, Naked. I used to spend a lot of time in Chapel Hill where my father-in-law lived. The family would go down the come back via the Outer Banks - car camping. Good times in a beautiful part of the world.

I have a good friend who had to move to Greensboro when his the textile company (he was Head Desgner) was bought by Burlington and shut down. I'll see him this Christmas when he comes up to see his in-laws. I'll probably travel down there this summer - I've been meaning - and promising - for a while.

Where are you?”

“I'm over by TN, near the Smokies, in Sylva.”

“I drove through there once. Incredible country.”