Depression

“No offense taken, stoven.
Me? I find that nothing helps me get over a hard days toil like putting on a tie, sitting at the dining table (made up to resemble an office desk), and pretending to do something. LOL!

Actually, veggie gardening kicks all forms of a$$!

Thanks XL - I got your e by the wee... (made it rhyme)”

“gojo, weren't you looking for memorabilia to attach to your truck? I have an old style New Mexico Land of Enchantment bumper sticker and an Albuerquerque International Balloon Fiesta bumper sticker. email your address to me.”

“I lost a close friend 2 years ago to suicide. He was battling alcoholism and depression at the same time. After 3 DUI's he lapsed into a major funk. He was on something for the depression, but stopped taking it one day. He disappeared on a Thursday, then showed back up at home the following Monday morning. His wife said that she needed to talk with him when she returned from work that night.

He didn't give her the chance. Hung himself in the garage.

I beat myself up at the beginning, feeling guilty for not being there for him. We talked a few times, but he never really opened up to me. I still think of him a lot and the good times we had together.


I am glad I found this place. Glad for Crazy Mike talking about it on my first hike. I have met over 80 of you crazy people on these hikes and loved every minute of it.

Hang in there gojo. When you feel sad, take a close look at those pups of yours. They love you to death and will always be there for you! Give em a big sloppy kiss and a hug!”

“Crazy Mike needs to post more.”

“Ah ah ah! Now yer talkin! And get me a Skratchy Latchy TheLuxe to!”

“Sarabelle, what the heck is a Skratchy Latchy TheLuxe???
;)”

“maybe sometimes i should close the book. some people can't handle it.”

“Sarabelle, what the heck is a Skratchy Latchy TheLuxe???"
~AmyG

It's a deluxe scratchin'... not to be confused with a "regler scratchy" or a "scratchy latchy".
as if you didn't know - lol!”

“Damn him to HELL!

As far as the Heirachy of Needs is concerned, anyway.

WTF?
I've satisfied the basics, ie, food (20 pounds of Pedigree), shelter (Tacoma w/camper cover), and water (gallon jug).

So what gives? Shouldn't I have reached Nirvana by now?!”

“Date nurses and you'll hear more about Maslow than Mrs. Maslow.”

“SSRIs?”

“Okee Fedokee,
Mebbe if I had an ice cream sandwich and a tall glass of chocolate milk I could then claim self actualization - lol!”

“I thought you burst into flames when you finally Self Actualize.

Gojo, does the name Pavlov ring a bell (LOL)?”

“Gojo, does the name Pavlov ring a bell (LOL)?”
~XL400236

None whatsover.
Makes me salivate, tho. What's up with that?”

“XL, you dog....”

“LOL..ever hear the story of the Soviet plan for ANTI TANK dogs?

Apparently they had trained their dogs to associate the underside of Tanks with reward (then strapped magnetic mines to the dogs). So at the First Battle of Kursk (I think) they release 200 dogs...it was then and only then they discovered that the dogs learned to associate the underside of RUSSIAN TANKS.”

“man that's depressing”

“Can think of nothing that may help you gojo, but I do know of the hell it can put people through.10 years ago tommorrow on Feb.4,1997 my neice was driving home from college on one of those awful weather changes when snow turned to ice and freezing rain, she never made it home. Twice since then I have been the one to find my sister with drug overdoses and got her help in time. She tells me why did I intervene? Well tommorrow is the 10 year anniversery, my sister now lves 100 miles away and I am worried.”

“call her, let her know that you remember. talk about your niece, talk about what a wonderful mom she was to your niece. and if she sounds like she is in a dark mood, talk about how your niece would have wanted her to go on, that her daughter would not have wanted her to be sad forever, her daughter loved her and wanted her to be happy.”

“Up for air!
I've been hanging out in the Mighty Mighty Tacoma since last posting - 2/2 (and a few days prior). Don't know today's date, but I heard the Super Bowl last night on Homer 1530 - The Sports Gorilla (or something like that). Whatever... it's a Cincy station. Catch as catch can on the AM band...

Feeling crappy as ever. Not true, actually. Had much difficulty sleeping a couple nights ago - I think I was having a panic attack. I dunno, Psychodiagnostician I ain't. If I were a PDT (which there is prolly no such designation, so how could I be, eh?) I would speculate that I prolly had a major malfunction perhaps four or five years ago, and have been following a contour similar to the AT ever since. Again, dunno... guessing. A guess based on too much time to think about it, prolly.

Anyhoo, it's been interesting to say the least. Though I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's at least been interesting.

Now back to work, you bastages!”

“Today's the fifth, btw. The fifth of Febururarry.”

“WoW...panic attacks, I have a couple of close friends who used to go through those. One seems to be coping, another went through the psychobabblist stuff with drugs, idiotic expenditures of money for 6 years. One night she called me in a panic.Hell I didn't know what do to so I fell back on the POW School training. We were taught to project our minds to "somewhere else" it was meant to relax you.
I guess I remember we had a guy who had a panic attacw working under his house. He was REALLY STUCK, or so we thought. My Captain at that time crawled under and started chatting with the guy, he gave him an Oxygen mask (lol we were flowing less than 1 Liter per minute ( you get a bout 3 from normal air) and was chatting and joking...then he told the guy to take a deep breath and let it out...then let it out again...then they guy just slid out.

What happens in that type of situation is that you feel stuck so your body instinctlvly takes in more air, inflating the ribs and really making you stuck. This starts a really nasty cycle that only gets worse.....”

“I've had some sever panic attacks the past few months. It's tough sometimes.”

“Thanks for the advice Pamela,I called her and had a good talk. On sunday feb.4 I went to the cemetery to visit my neice and laid in the snow to make a snowangel for her ( in 5 degree weather)”

“beautiful finger, a snow angel! that is a wonderful idea that you had. i'm glad that anything i had to say was of use, it wasn't me of course you know, but God working through me.”

“It has been the tradition the past ten years that a family member visiting in the winter makes a snowangel.”

“that is really sweet. out here in Cali where only my immediate family lives, we choose to cremate instead. my dad chose to be sprinkled in the ocean off of the coast where he loved to sit in the car and watch the waves. my children know that i want my ashes to be sprinkled in various campfires of campgrounds where our memories are sweet together.”

“I cremtated my parents and poured their ashes in the stems of the various bar stools where they liked to spend their time.”

“yowsa, what the heck does one say to that?

i'd sprinkle my mother's into various doctor's offices, urgent care clinics, ER's and pharmacies.”

“like that idea of being sprinkled in campfires, but I want to be sprinkled along a number of dif. trails. A friend picked me up one midwinter morn. for a dayhike, he had a box in back of his truck I was curious about, his cat had died and he was bringing it to cremate in a campfire.The ground was frozen.Ihelped gather wood but took a walk downa trail when he got the fire going,I did not care to see that.”

“Just kidding, Pamela. My mother lives on and my dad's ashes reside with me until she passes. They won't end up as part of a bar stool, but that is where they spent much of their time. We have jokingly considered that, but they will be encrypted.”

“Holy crap!!

A funeral pyre for a cat??

I wouldn't want to stick around and smell all that hair burning.”

“I too have been suffering panick attacks. That was during a particular difficult period in my life. It was an utterly freakish experience.
Sadly I don't get them anymore. I miss 'em very much :-(”

“I had all the symptoms of a panic attack once. was in a hospital and had been getting fed through a tube for months. When the tube was removed, it was difficult swallowing on my own. I was coming off all kinds of major medications (morphine, ativan, versed...). I had to eat finely chopped food and everything I drank had to have lots of thickener in it - so the consistency was like apple sauce. With the swallowing risk and the food difficulties, I had one more reason to be worried if I would ever backpack again. I was learning to do swallowing exercizes when I realized there were things I used to be able to control in my throat that I couldn't any more - muscles I just couldn't engage. I had this intense feeling of panic, like I was going to choke on my own saliva. My heart went racing. It kind of reverberated throughout my days for a while, every time I had to swallow anything. Even just thinking about my throat made me anxious. They told me that going off all the sedating meds. Distracting my self, going "somewhere else" as XL describes, focusing on my breathing, repeating "relax" on exhales, helped... but it was tense and intense for a while.”

“hey gojo, how's the status of your panik attacks? Anything interesting happening lately? Got stuck under a house? Expanding your rip cage? Having problems to swallow your saliva?”

“Mebbe it was anxiety. "Nonpsychodiagnostician" (pointing at self).



I've decided to sell Tiffany, The Mighty Mighty Tacoma. Create some immediate cash flow and finance an AT thruhike. Mebbe by August I'll have things sorted out. Won't hoit to try.

I was leafing through my photo album last night in an effort to find a good picture for a "For Sale" flier. Uggggg! Getting shed of her will be as difficult as if she were Sarabelle!

Well, I must say, "Sissy" would hafta bring more than a measly $5000.00.”

“Gojo if you do an AT thuhike, I know that you will create the most wonderful stories out of it. Write a book maybe? :O) May I please order my copy in advance?”

“Pamela,
Would you per chance be referring to next years New York Times bestseller
Oh, Appalachia! Ponderings of an Appalachian Trail Thruhiker?

From Chapter Six:
"I stood at the marker near the southern end of Seminary Ridge - which was small and obscure, especially by Gettysburg standards - that identified where the six regiments of Semmes Brigade formed ranks on July third. I tried to imagine what must have been going through the minds of the men of the Georgia Fiftieth. I could not. I descended the slope, first walking, then at a "double quick", then, after 200 yards, at the best sprint that my 30 pound pack would allow. I attempted to keep up this pace until I reached the wheat field. I could not. I panted across the field and into the peach orchard carrying my hiking staff as one would an Enfield rifle, trying all the while to conceptualize the sights of men dismembered, the sounds of musketry and supreme misery, and the smells of sulfur and the disemboweled. I could not, nor ever will. I could only wonder how Grandpa Zion, or anyone - either Blue or Gray, could have gotten off the field of battle that day either completely formed, or completely sane."”

“not unless this is YOUR book. is this the beginnings of your book? i want to see your book when you write one.”

“I sat here and made all that up when I saw your post. I will definitely keep journals, and prolly dabble with mass duplication later.

My above post is pure hypothetikky - book wise.

My Grandpa Zion was indeed with the Fiftieth Georgia Volunteer Infantry Regiment, which was assigned to Semmes Brigade for much of the war - including Gettysburg.

I have seen the monument/marker along Seminary Ridge. I have walked the wheat field and peach orchard where the 50th engaged on the 3rd of July, 1863.

If I hike the AT, I will most certainly do a 2-3 day stealth hike retracing the movements of the 50th in and around Gettysburg. Maybe Chancellorsville... whatever.”

“Did Grandpa make it out alive?”

“Yeah. He returned to Colquit County to continue farming his newly cleared land.
I recently asked my dad if he knew where Zions house had been.
"Yeah, there's a patch of red dirt in the field across from A.B.'s (his uncle) house. That patch of dirt is what remains of the house's chimney - I used to plow right through it."

Zion's son - my great grandfather - built a log house next to where A.B. eventually built. I remember it as being almost totally covered in vegitation. My brother, a second cousin, and I flushed a bobcat out from under it returning from a dove shoot on a nearby peanut field. None of us shot at it - innedible, don'cha know? Anyhoo, that house was moved by the Sons of Confederate Veterans to the grounds of Greenfield Baptist Church a couple miles down the sandy road. Greenfield is the oldest brick structure in the county. It served as a medical facility at some point during the war, as well at the home church of five generations of my family. Lizs took pics of the house - mebbe there on her photo pages?

My folks built a house on the same land lot in 1956. I was born in '58 - the last of six. The house is still there, standing as one would expect considering it has a heart of heart pine that my dad had milled.

My dad's childhood home is long gone, and his parents final home was razed prolly 20 years ago. My dad remodeled the old tobacco barn on those grounds, which served as his home until a couple years ago. It, and the last remaining acre, was recently sold.

I'm seventh generation American (settled in Virginia), and fifth generation "Greenfield Church Roadian".”

“Thats cool....thanks”

“Gojo, you are something special! And I do have first dibs on the book I just know you are going to write.”

“Gojo, you are something special!"
~Spamela

And your perception is uncanny! lol!”

“i've often been told that. but you are sweet for saying so, i think it takes one to see one, no? ;O)”

“"I was born in '58 - the last of six."
~gojo

I just realized something: I was the last, period. Of five generations whose roots trace back to Greenfield Church Road, I was the last to be born there - the last born on the land Zion settled. Hmmm.”

“Sarabelle, it means you are special too!”

“Oopsy.
:)”

“Dang! Sarabelle is old.”