Depression

“I think I'm quitting my job to-day.”

“OK Gremlin, let's go do the Santanonis.”

“Yeah.

I seem to be having another breakdown - they become more frequent and come quicker.

I carried a whole bunch of stuff from my desk to my car. Another teacher noticed and when I came back into the school she left her class and asked if I was okay.

Funny.”

“Today I discovered a big blunder that I have made. I very badly screwed it up. It's a super dumb, hyper stupid mistake. Something I should have done, but failed to do. And there is nobody else to be blamed but me, me, ME!...
Well, at least, nobody got killed, injured or hurt. I didn't do anything that would be a crime in the sense of the 10 commandments and yet... I feel as miserable and guilty as if I would have drowned a bag of puppies! Yes! I couldn't feel worse. I certainly disappointed the expectations of others. My stomach aches and I can't eat all day long.

Now I feel like I want to stick my head down the toilet bowl, deep, deep down that filthy drain and than...keep flushing, flushing, flushing!
Should you read in the tabloids, on the page with those 'colorful' news, about a 'bizarre suicide', a woman was found with her sticking in the toilet bowl...well, it was probably me.
:-(”

“Hey Gremlin, Hey Euro, talk to me!”

““I hope you visit and bring her flowers!"
~Pammy

For a second I thought it was gonna read "...bring ME flowers". - lol!

Yes, I visited her and brought her flour. Turns out that plain dough (for our Jane Doe) is good for the swelling.

She was transferred to Emory this morning. The team includes a Podiatrist (seems I developed a bit of a foot fetish during the interim), a burn specialist for the elbows and knees, and of course a Gyn. We got a pretty good deal which is gonna include a new, complimentary hyman. She's getting 38 I-vees a day due to the profound dehydration. She's gonna be okay. We'll have another go in six-to-eight weeks...

Dr. Indira Patel recruited me to assist her during her Saturday morning Carma Sutra sessions at the Hindu temple, BTW...

Euro -
When I was teaching, I would make tremendous "blunders" on a semi-regular basis. I'd feel smaller than no-see-em poop, but it would always pass... always.

Gremlin -
Teaching gave me the "what fer" and some long due comeupance. It took me five years to become fully aware (to the point to where I admitted to the mirror) that I had made a bum career change. I was totally disillusioned(?) about the whole affair, ie, entering college at age 30, interview/hiring process(es), posing as a "professional edumicator"., etc. Yeah - posing. I was terrible about getting things done and turned in on time, especially especially especially lesson plans. I told "them" that whatever was left of me after 3:40 was all theirs; that I was there for my kids, not reports and questionaires and record keeping. Problem was, By 3:40 I was less useful than an empty Snow Peak fuel cannister. I somehow stretched it out to seven years, then left - never to look back.”

“Hey Pamela, Gojo, for you I take my head long enough out of the toilet to say 'hello', but excuse me, I have a major headache and flushing keeps it kind of numb.”

“i'm here for ya honey when you are ready to talk about it.”

“It is a simple truth, unkown to many many people...no one can make you feel bad but you.....

the problem with that truth is that to be useful, it must be learned when one is feeling well, then realized and acted upon when one begins to feel badly....”

“Just resurfaced. Still feeling a bit filthy.

Anything heard or seen from Gremlin?”

“Yeah, he's about this tall................”

“I was talking about Gremlin, not the Yeti, Marko...

Actually, just recently I read in the news, that the Yeti was reported to have said: "I do not belief in the existence of Reinhold Messner".”

“Hope ya'll are feeling better today. I'm doing ok myself. I took it a little easy yesterday on house cleaning. I had a community planning board meeting with a hot topic in the evening and I didn't want to push myself. That was a very interesting evening. It's fun to sit on the board.

I am having such a good time with BrianSean, we are making big strides together not only in cleaning his room and in getting schoolwork done, but in our relationship. He is a lot less angry than he was one month ago and I know the whole change is due to the amount of time I have to spend with him. I am going to fight for more days, way less nights.”

“Feelin' groovy just now. I got paid today - the check included Mem. Day and eight overtime hours for a less than full day last Saturday. My biggest financial windfall (workfall?) since I quit teaching four years ago, and more money than I made in ALL of last year.

Filled the Mighty Mighty Tacoma to the brim for the first time in years - $44.90. I was predicting $45.00 - d'oh!

At the rate I'm making money, I could save enough to do a 10,000 mile roadtrip in just a matter of months. Or even transplant outta state to, say, Idaho.”

“Cool Cool gojo! Put's me in the mind of the 59th Street Bridge song by Simon & Garfunkel. You know what? I thought you were going to say, "Mighty Mighty Tonka"! LOL! How big a gas tank does that baby have? What does gas cost there? I have a 25 gallon tank on my F150 and it cost over $80 to fill it up.”

“12 gals. Oh, that's me.
The truck holds 15.
Teachable moment: you do the math - lol!”

“ooooooooooooooooo, math! My favorite, NOT! Fortunately though I belong to the generation that had it drilled into me. So would be $2.99 a gallon approximately. Still your tank was not likely to be completely empty, $3.20?”

“Lil' Pammie in a big ole truck............

I shall stop rhyming right here and now!

We have been fortunate enough that I have spent lots of time with my boys. The last day care we had was June 1992 when baby Linus was about 1.5 years old.
We've been stuck on each other all these years for better and not for worse.

"Yeah, he's about this tall................"
Euro, I wasn't reaching two meters high but more like 1.5.
He's more like a Hobbitt than Yeti.”

“oh please continue mARKo, i feel like i might be missing something, LOL! yeah, Steve caught a lot of flak from his family, they said no way could little pammie drive a big ol truck, let alone buy one! last laughs on them, i spent two months looking for my big green monster, (king cab), and i got a beauty of a deal on it, superb condition. exactly what i was looking for right down to the color. GOD IS GOOD TO ME! i bought this without my husband present; he is very proud of me, even my sons are impressed. i LOVE my big green F150! And i am a very good driver.”

“oh please continue mARKo, i feel like i might be missing something, LOL! yeah, Steve caught a lot of flak from his family, they said no way could little pammie drive a big ol truck, let alone buy one! last laughs on them, i spent two months looking for my big green monster, (king cab), and i got a beauty of a deal on it, superb condition. exactly what i was praying for right down to the color. GOD IS GOOD TO ME! i bought this without my husband present; he is very proud of me, even my sons are impressed. i LOVE my big green F150! And i am a very good driver.”

“Still your tank was not likely to be completely empty, $3.20?”
~Pamela

Bone dry, sister - $3.00. Good deducing, though.”

“How the heck did you drive it there gojo?”

“The truck sputtered when I turned into the bank - indicating it's low on fuelness. The gas station is directly accessable from the bank p/l.”

“Talk about blessed! So how's it with you anyway?”

“Yeah, and where's Gremlin? Is he back to school?”

“This job is killing me. I am at the end of my nerves. And just today I discovered some weird looking fungus, growing out of the window frame, just hidden below my office desk. It’s brightly orange coloured and looks like little balloons, bulging out of the seam between frame and wall. During the day all my co-workers came wandering in, to see ‘the mushrooms’ and to investigate whether these are real fungus or just some isolating foam seeping out. Everybody left the office, agreeing that these things are mushrooms.
I am so fed up, I swear, I will lick those mushrooms a bit, hoping to get a kick out of it that makes my job more bearable. I swear, I will lick 'em all...”

“Feeling kinda the same way right now,I`ve been looking for a new job,but after 19 yrs as a mental health nurse,I`m not sure what else I`d be good at.

Worked with the developmentally handicapped,since 1988 and on a behavioural unit since 1990.I have very little tolerance for noise anymore,the unit I work on can get extremely loud.The past few weeks HAVE been so bad they can`t get relief staff to fill in for the sick calls.

I think it`s one of the reasons I love the back country........PEACE and QUIET.

I`ve been offered jobs in developmental group homes,and the change would be nice but the pay is lousy and I`d lose my seniority and vacation time(5 weeks right now),not to mention right now I work 8 to 4 Monday to Friday instead of the usual 12 hour shifts....so I`m very fortunate that way.

The noise and politics still get to me though.

5 years ago we went from a government run facility to being diversified and given to a Catholic hospital to run.Things have slide down hill rapidly since then,and the work place is definitely toxic....Our new bosses keep diverting money from mental health into their other facilities,it`s major neglect.....Kinda makes yah wanna scream......

When your done with your mold can yah ship some over ??”

“"When your done with your mold can yah ship some over ??"

I'd like some, too, please. Actually, make my 'shrooms a double.”

“Ok, we got a swede and a canadian depressed at their jobs. Come to America folks!”

“They sound more pissed than depressed.”

“if a canadian is depressed, that is bad. coming to america wont help him”

“Euros is just pissed because Sarge took him out of Switzerland and put him in Sweden. The Swedes do make good vodka though.”

“Oops - sorry Euro!!!”

“What the heck is a Switzerlandian called, anyways????”

“i think euro is pissed because dayhiker turned her into a man”

“Swiss, you know, the folks that make watches and knives, but not meatballs.


cb - oops. Sarge changed her accent, I gave her a pee-pee.”

“So like, do you call them "a swiss"?

That doesn't sound right. That's like calling someone an oriental.”

“a "swizz", maybe?”

“A few years ago I was down in the dumps. I read a quote by Benjamin Franklin that basically said "if you feel down and sad, then what you need to do is be nice to people. It will cheer you up!"

I took that advice and began random acts of kindness around the office. I keep a big basket of snacks on my desk and people come by to grab one and chat. I randomly buy Starbucks, pizza, etc. for everyone. It works for me and makes people happy.

??”

“the Swiss.”

“as in, the Swiss don't know jack about cheese.”

“bribing people with food to be my friends. i should try that”

“But what about 1 swiss?”

“WOW...well sorry to hear the bad news but life is called life because all the other good four letter words were taken (LOL)

Paddles if you want to continue to deal with developmentally handicapped or what not...move to the US and get a certification in Auditory Processing (that is the problem where the subject can HEAR what is being said but cannot properly process the input for action)...or you may have known that.

This is a TINY field but one that offers great growth.

For general malaise I usually find working to HELP someone (as in Volunteering) tends to really perk me up. No Sh$t if you really want to boost your day go to a veterans home or an elderly care facility and just sit with someone for a couple of hours. Pretty Freaking cool.”

“The Swiss should have picked a name that works better with English. The Swiss, sheesh.”

“When I was 12 my dad made me read Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

In the broader sense it obviously hasn't done me much good (lol) but I do remember him saying this: If you don't feel happy, just ACT happy. Pretend. And soon you will feel happy.

I am not suggesting that as the answer to clinical depression, and of course there are times we need to grieve, but normal sadness and "down" times can be addressed pretty well with this practice.”

“I have not felt depressed since becoming a Christian. That's not to say a Christian can't become depressed, but my perspective of the world changed so much that I the clarity has brought a sense of calmness and relief.

So my advise is to read the Bible.”

“Hey Crash...it works for 1st graders and adults too! Ha!”

“That's why I always carry lolli-pops in my car.”

“I'm retired mow. I get two years disability at 75% and my car and mortgage payments have disability insurance. I just have to do the paperwork.

I'm involved in life planning right now.

I'l tell the story here some time soon - it's a good one.

Doug”