Depression

“I wasn't trying to be cute, Gremlin. I wondered if Canada just used a different term.
All my paperwork is in for a disability retirement, just need the 'offical' OK.
Takes a long time to get it.”

“You weren't trying to be cute, but boy, you sure are cute!”

“ooooohhh....! Sarge you can't call Stovie cute...that is wrong.

I however CAN call him cute ;-)”

“stovie is adorable! what does sarge look like?”

“What's with all the hugging on Gremlin? If ya wanna make his day and make 'em smile grab his ass or something. I'll spare ya the platitudes Grem and wish you all the happiness you deserve. Oh, OK, I'll grab yer ass too while I'm at it! [honkhonk]”

“nigal, if you'll put on your pants, i'll hug you too!

=)”

“Pammie, if I were half as cute as Stovie, I'd be happy.”

“picture?”

“No way ... I don't want you to fall in love with me Pam. You'd be heartbroken since I'm dedicated to my wife. crazygurl knows what I look like. She'd probably say "half as cute as Stove", but she's nice like that.
last edited: 11/06/07 10:13:07 AM”

“i'm not EVER falling in love again. it's a pain in the a$$!”

“Then maybe you're doing it wrong!

ba-dump-cha!”

“LOL!”

“Dang you, Sarge!!

Ya beat me to it.”

“Sorry Sarge...Stovie is the bomb! He won my heart long before you ever came along!”

“"almond-honey-chocolate".... sounds like.... TOBLERONE.

I never saw those commercials in the States, but a friend in Ireland would always talk about the "triangular honey from triangular bees".

Ah.... here we go.”

“no doubt!”

“....Ahem......
This thread is currently about Gremlin, folks.”

“ah, he's so humble too! That just adds to the cuteness.”

“You silly people also need glasses...”

“I am hoping that our silliness is making Gremlin smile!

Everyone needs a bit of Tom Foolery in their day!!!

BTW...I just got contacts SS...I see just fine...except for reading and I now have those cute little reading glasses!”

“Must be quite a scene in Euro's office.

First, she likes the "fight naked, it's more fun that way" advice so much that she hangs it....not on her bathroom mirror at home, but AT THE OFFICE...

Then the other office girls steal her chocolate...”

“Hope things go your way Gremlin.”

“Fritz, needs clarification ...

Did they steal her chocolate, naked?”

“Dang it.
Office girls have no pillows to fight with. ;-)”

“Here ya go, Gremlin!

”

““Good grief Euro Hike, do you live in the land of chocolate and cheese or something?

MarkO

”

“That was fun!

Actually I'm doing pretty well - pressure is off and I have a plan.

All my best wishes to everybody, especially poor Eurohike who is without fondue and chocolate in the land of both (care package?).”

“I wanted to write this this morning, but it's hard. It's 1°C and ski-ing would be the pits and so I came back to the village computer centre.

It's been brewing for a while, but I only articulated it this week-end to my daughter who was down from the city.

I think 'permanent disability' is a defintite. For all you guys out there (you probably know it alrady), every time we fall ill we never get right back up there again. I and people like me live in fear of spending the rest of our lives in a room with fourteen cats and a collection of newspapers (thank God the sense of humour is still there).

I love the snow, camping, hiking, climbing, ski-ing and this winter is looking pretty cool so far. I have doing a lot of ski-ing behind my place and wanted to try some place new. I drove to a Nordic ski centre about an hour away and clipped on the skis. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the trail was sweet. Unfortunately it came to a road and I knew I wasn't going to cross it - it just wasn't going to happen. I came back here and logged in on TT - Gawd bless you all.

Friday, however, I decided to try the Adirondack Visitor Interpretation Center at Paul Smith's, NY. I used to take my kids ski-ing there and it has many happy memories for me. I had a great afternoon on the boards.

As always, I see things more clearly (I believe) after a good work-out in the out-of-doors and when I got back home I pretty much came to a decision.

I live in a little, old (1830) one-room school house like the one in Little House on the Prairy - the books were written about a 30 minute drive from my place, oddly enough - and it needs a lot of work before I can even think about renovating and the work's not getting done.

I am going to start the permanent disability process. My lawyer (my best buddy's wife who works for fridge magnets and the occasional bottle of port) said that I would be eligible for a higher provincial pension which would save my life as I could never get a full retirement pension with a shortened service and the divorce. I am on 75% salary for another 1½ year and then would go on 50%, but I'd be eligible for the higher provincial pension and my federal old age pension would kick in at 65, six years from now. As you know, health care is not an issue here and my province has a universal medication insurance programme.

I am going to sell the house. Now, I love my house and if I hadn't bought it after my divorce I believe I'd be dead to-day. I also love the quirky hamlet in which I live with its kick-butt village pub and the, uh, colourful locals and my whacky buddies, not to mention the close-by and beloved Adirondacks. I am planning on moving to a small apartment in a close-by and small eastern Ontario city that is also a short drive into the Dacks.

I hope that I can accept and manage the limits imposed on me by the illness and keep the abililty to enjoy the out-of-doors. I'm hoping to be able to join an ice climbing session with the Montreal Section of the Alpine Club of Canada and want to ski in to Marcy Dam one day this week-end, not to mention a downhill day soon.

Wish me luck.
last edited: 12/11/07 12:14:40 PM”

“Hope it all works out great for you. You need to be in the Daks for FYAO - there's more good scotch to be drunk.”

“Oh boy - entice somebody who is depressed with a depressant. Nice thinking.”

“Here's wishing you luck, gremlin. :)”

“My best to you Gremlin. Stay well.”

“Pffftt!!

I look forward to seeing you guys in the Adirondacks!

Have Scotch, Will Travel”

“Sarge, Sarge, Sarge, I hear you, but FYAO is the best therapy I know. I have a smile on my face for weeks after.

Now, my doctor doesn't believe me, but the private psychiatrist and my therapist nodded when I said I don't feel depressed. It's just that my brain has been producing stress hormones for so long it has forgotten how to do anything else. I did read a recent article in Scientific American comparing chemicl production between depressed individuals and those suffering from severe or genralised anxiety disorder/agoraphobia at different times of the day and so I might just be on to something.

Two years ago I couldn't let my house or my car out of sight, but managed to make it to FYAO. Luckily, I can still laugh and FYAO is right up there on the laughter chart.
last edited: 12/11/07 12:36:59 PM”

“Sarge, Sarge, Sarge, I hear you, but FYAO is the best therapy I know. I have a smile on my face for weeks after.

As long as your body handles it the right way. I just don't think other people should encourage you to drink. Hope you recover gremlin!”

“No prob, Sarge, I appreciate your sense of humour too.

I think it's about management rather than recovery now.

Stovie, did you get your disability thing?”

“Hey Gremlin, good luck and everything in moderation, you hear? None of us can tell you what will help you feel better, but we will be here to chat with you.”

“No prob, Sarge, I appreciate your sense of humour too.

I was being serious. As somebody who used to drink too much, and simultaneously suffer from depression, - and as somebody who has talked a fellow TTer out of killing themselves after a drinking binge, and another person 20 years ago, I said that with great sincerity.
last edited: 12/11/07 12:48:02 PM”

“I'm cheering for ya!!! Keep that sense of humor!”

“Hi Gremlin! Hang in there!

I'm waiting on permission to quit my job, but I'm pretty sure I'll get disablty. I'm only working halftime, so I will 'make' more on disablty than working halftime, go figure.

I have to have formal permission to quit, so the bulk of my health insurance will still be in effect. I just today mailed off the last form (hopefully).”

“FYAO is a laughing binge.............with a few drinks thrown in to warm the cockles, whatever they are.”

“hi gremmie!
you might want to check to see if ontario has the same meds insurance available-i've never heard of it.”

“Warm cockles can cheer anyone up.”

“Hey Gremlin I`ve got a answer for you,but it`s not one many want to hear.I used to suffer from bad depression,it`d last months at a time...I`d spend much of my day in bed not wanting to face the world.I thought about suicide more than once.

Then in 1998 my father took me to a"Awake America" meeting in Niagria Falls New York.I only went to pacify him but that night changed my life.That night (this is the part people hate ) I met Jesus Christ and my life has not been the same since.I have a hope and a peace in me that others notice,I am not the same man.

Anti-depressants can help (if you can live with the side effects,I had terrible insomina and no sexual drive ) and counseling can offer some relief,but it can never go deep enough to help.Thanks to Christ I have that peace and hope and lifes different.

Gremlin I`ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers..”

“Thanks, everyone.

Sarge, I hear you. I can tell from your posts that you have compassion as well as a great sense of humour.

Paddles, I hear you too.

Actually, as the people who know me - and that's a big batch on TT - I am a happy, cheerful and sociable guy - with an illness. As I said, I don't think SAD or Generalised anxiety disorder/agoraphobia is wuite the same as depression.

Thanks for listening, guys.”

“Sarge, I hear you. I can tell from your posts that you have compassion as well as a great sense of humour.

Yes, that's very true. Through humility I've learned compassion, and with compassion, humor. Thank you for recognizing it Gremlin.”

“well i spoke to your doctor and he said that it would be in your best interest if you make the very cool and relaxing and very enjoyable trip to Tom Jones MT.

what you need is some TT TLC ASAP”

“SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is not an anxiety disorder and both are not the same as clinical depression. Sad can very effective be treated with light therapy. Anxiety disorders may find some relief in meds but are often grounded in fear. (False Expectations Appearing Real) Unless the underlying fear is dealt with meds simply stifle symptoms.

Clinical Depression is neither fear based nor is it easily treated with out medications. It is an imbalance in the brain chemistry that may or may not correct itself once the balance is addressed. Clinical depression is very different beastie than acute depression which is simply a cycle in our mood swings.

I have lived with depression for many years. It is an old friend of mine.”

“I've met Jesus Christ 'n all, but sometimes there's nothin' like a good stiff drink. God invented that too. It's the most effective anti-depressant I know of, besides mountain climbing.”

“I'm back on Lexapro since last week, I'm hoping to meet the New Year on better terms. After struggling against depression for the last 6 months I knew it was time. I didn't want to end up in the hospital again.”