France Replies to U.N.

“PARIS-After hearing the U.S. list of grievances layed out at the United Nations earlier this week,French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac felt it necessary to respond the Bush administrations " wreckless American cowboy attitude".

In a statement released early this morning Mr Chirac was quoted as saying " Why why why? Why must the United States always drag us into war? Does not President Bush know that the French are not in support of this action? We demand inspections...inspections ten fold! The people of France will not support the wreckless American cowboy attitude regarding Iraq and its alleged weapons of mass destruction. A peaceful solution must be found"

Prime Minister Chirac then proceeded to list specfic reasons why the French will take no part of military action.

" We French are not fighters, we are pastry chefs,bakers and fashion designers. We do not fight...I mean to say we fight but very very poorly,like very young school girls, lots of slapping and hair pulling. Can you imagine slapping an Iraqi soldier? The whole notion is laughable. I challenge you (the U.N.) to recall a time when France won a battle, let a lone a war! We cannot even beat the rebels in the Ivory coast, and they fight with sticks, coconuts and strong language. Faced with the daunting task of fighting a large well organized army France would crumble like a...like a French prize fighter. We as a people are more accustomed to surrenduring on our home soil. Take for example World War II, it was so nice for our defeated and demoralized troops to be able to walk home fromthe front. It would be hard to walk home from Iraq. Very much sand makes walking difficult and we are a somewhat sickly people not given to hard physical excersion. That is why we had colonies for many many decades.
We as a people do not want to repeat the humiliating defeat we received at Dien Ben Phu. That is why France from this day forth will only fight,retreat and surrender on the French homeland!"

When asked later about his long and frank comments Chirac was heard to say " We give you brie,and the finest wines, in return we get Jerry Lewis? Screw you!"

Written by Bob Fermunda
Author of the three page book entitled " France, a warrior culture" available at Amazon.com for $.38”

“I havn't laughed this hard in a while.......

Touchet.”

“Here it is BB....”

“Yeeeeeehaw! Cowboy up there ya french surrendur monkeys!

Beautiful job Joe, thaks for finally exposing the truth about France.

LMAO!”

“may the fleas of a thousand camels nest in jauque shrerock's jock.....”

“Who is Jock She-Rock???”

“Black Jacque Chirac, that's who!”

“yeah...that dood....”

“Thanks alot, birch. Now I have to design a fake newspaper website so I can prove to my boss that I really was reading (and laughing loudly while doing so) a News Article and not some backpackers website.”

“Black Jaque Chirac, talkin' smack on Iraq, won't the Bush attack or cover Turkey's back 'cause his froggy spine is slack???”

“whata hack! get back mack! writing skills you lack!”

“At least I can spell...”

“DOLP!



at least...



at least i ...uhhm...

i'm not as ..uhm...


YOU'RE TEETH ARE CROOKED!”

“At least I have 'em all...and they're not green!!!”

“oh yeah? well....uhh...


albama is .....uhhm...


has alot of...




YOUR SOCKS SMELL BAD!”

“Makes for strong tea, doncha know. ;-)”

“~SHIVER~

that's nassy!

toe jam tea, DAYUM!”

“ROTFLMFAO!!! No, ya idjit! Toe jam is what we have on our crumpets while we drink our tea (with our pinkie in the air - proper form and all that).”

“Does the buttcheese goes on crackers or pita bread? I need to know these things.”

“<sigh>

buttcheese goes on buns, don't you know anything?”

“LNT=LBH Buns don't belong in the backcountry.”

“lmfao”

“They don't want to fight, eh? Kinda like GEORGE in that respect, when HE had the chance to demonstrate his mettle, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? LOL

(or Dick, or Karl, or Paul...)

<GRIN>”

“i knew you'de get riled eventually...you france lovin, jawgah livin, meteroid watchin, collapsed lung havin, so-n-so you!”

“(or Bill, or Al... LOL)”

“lol, i was bitin my tounge...”

“Australia supports US
Link”

“Too bad that doesn't work for the Germans, the Russians or the Chinese,

<GRIN>”

“Awsome Bitpusher!”

“anyone wanna buy a French Army rifle. Its never been fired and only dropped once.”

“All the french jokes are old and played out.”

“you can never tell a French joke too many times.”

“LOL @ bitpusher!!! That mag cover is hilarious!”

“LMFAO @ Soldier of Surrender.

French Battle Cry: I give up.

Close order drill in French Army: To the rear, march.

Let's think this strategy through a little more closely: It's a trick sir, there's two of them.”

“A french soldiers evening meal?
What ever the enemy is cooking.”

“We might laugh, but the French underground in WW II put a hurting on Le Boche! And at great cost.”

“What, did it cost them a dozen croissants?”

“Getting stood up against a wall and shot to death.”

“You do know that the US fought those Frenchies in Africa don't you. Actually, "fought" is much to strong a word. It was more like a walk in the park for our landing parties.”

“Thanks Artex, that was an interesting read. The French (usually the ones in power) in Quebec is just like that...always going against the flow, to make themselves stand out.”

“Screw the frogs. We have better cheese, better wine, better-looking women and better cyclists. Vive la Tour de Lance!!!”

“What is this? The Ugly Americans see how ugly they can get? Rednecks 'R' Us reprise?

I heard something Really funny yesterday AM on C-SPAN. Some dope called in b!tching about how France, Germany, Russia and China were "Defying America" LOLOLOL...

Sorry, but I don't define "America" as George Bush, his handlers and investors, LOL. His bullying talk reminds of a guy from the old neighborhood. He talked tough as long as he had his two goons standing behind him.

In '87, the political talk was all about 'the wimp factor' re: George H.W. Bush... a decorated combat veteran. What do we have now? The subsequent George makes the previous George look like John Wayne's screen persona (the real John Wayne never saw combat either).”

“Would someone PLEASE help Tilt untie the wad in his panties???”

“Click on the bumper sticker, LOL”

“fighting a war without the french is like......


or...boarding a submarine without a
parachute; taking a shower without the blow dryer; planning the
Normandy Invasion without Yves San Laurent; a White House press
conference without Helen Thomas; holding Thermopylae without
goatherds; going on your honeymoon without your mother-in-law;
going on your honeymoon without your father-in-law; a beauty
contest without Ivan Rasputin; going to a Susan Sarandon movie
without earplugs; a Rolling Stones concert without Bill Clinton's
remarks; a 9-11 benefit concert without Hillary Clinton; going into
the ninth inning without your place-kicker; government schools
without the NEA; negotiating without Jimmy Carter; going to a
restaurant without the condescending gender-disoriented maitre d'; not having to worry about the enemy doing an end-run around your eastern flank; a picnic without ants and flies; starting a ballgame without Roseanne Barr; Texas barbecue without a croissant; going to the Moulin Rouge without Rosie O'Donnell; flying without
an anchor; I'm sorry, war without whom?; going to Marine boot
camp without a "Best of Liza Minnelli" album; going to A MENSA
convention without James Carville; going to war without Fonda,
Streisand and Sarandon, et al; "hallowed ground" without Geraldo; childbirth without Muzak; an American Conservative Union meeting without the "Communist Manifesto"; a bachelor party without Barney Frank; going to a sports bar without Phil Donahue; preferable; going to the mall without your husband; going to France without a war -- what's the point; a Super Bowl party without pate fois-gras; a risky scheme. (Albert Gore); who forgot the whine and stinky cheese; a starting lineup without Pee Wee Herman; eating Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, snails, and Spam without the snails; going to hell and back without the flowery hand-basket; Military History!; going to the dentist without cavities; going to Tahiti without your snowshoes.....”

“... or a National Guard deployment without George B.?”

“or an internet discussion without rational thought”