It's baseball season

“Complete game by Oswalt, today the Rocket.

Notice that the Phillies haven't beaten the Astros since they got Billy Wagner?”

“Wags hasn't even gotten into a game!”

“Giants-Cubs game started at 9:48 PM local time last night (rain). Then, of course, it went...

wait for it...


you know what's coming...


11 innings!!!



Giants won, BTW....



PS: Day game today. Of course.”

“Hmmm, I wonder what the loser of today's game will have to say ...”

“There's another game tomorrow?”

“No, they'll say "We lost because we were tired from yesterday's game."

That's what came up on my official MLB Phillies Dial-An-Excuse meter.

Padilla vs. Clemens today. Lessee, who to bet on ... a hard one ... hmmmm!”

“The Giants plan to start using only one guy from now on, instead of the usual nine. Brad Hennessey pitched 7 shutout innings and broke up the opposing pitcher's no-hitter with a 3-run homer in the 5th inning last night. Giants 3, Brewers 0.”

“For Sale: Kevin Millwood”

“We're headin' over to the Coliseum in a few minutes to catch the A's/Tigers game. A's are one of the hottest teams around right now, and the Tigers are doing OK, staying around .500. Zito's going for the A's today - gotta love that big arcing curveball he throws at about 52 mph. I've got my Tigers t-shirt and A's hat ready to go!”

“Great day at Yankee Stadium today! Yanks won in the 11th!







”

“Went to the A's game myself. They're up on the Yanks by 1.5 games for the AL wildcard and closing in fast on the Angels.”

“1) Will Clark gets his mitts on history

Virtually every mound conversation these days is conducted behind the veil of the players' gloves, for which Will Clark deserves the credit (or blame). In the opening game of the 1989 NLCS at Wrigley Field, San Francisco's Clark was set to bat against the Cubs' Greg Maddux with the bases loaded. Cubs manager Don Zimmer came out to the mound to talk to Maddux.

"I read his lips," Clark told the San Francisco Chronicle years later. "I was standing there adjusting my batting glove, and I had a clear view of Maddux's face. I could see him say 'fastball in' to Zimmer."

Sure enough, Clark hit a grand slam, and the face of baseball was changed forever. When he heard of Clark's trickery, Maddux began covering up his face, and now virtually every pitcher does the same.

2) And don't forget to thank Andy Griffith

Aaron Sele's most memorable mound visit occurred in his very first major-league start, at Fenway Park. Red Sox manager Butch Hobson came out to talk to him in the seventh inning after Sele gave up a leadoff double. He gave Sele some encouragement, and then, Sele recalled this week, told the startled rookie that when the reporters came around after the game to ask him what he said, "Tell them I said there's a real good episode of 'The Andy Griffith Show' on tonight."

Sele, who would do just that, got out of the jam and won the game.

3) Tra-la-la, triple play, other things Stengel had to say

Casey Stengel was a purveyor of memorable mound quotes. One time, Tug McGraw begged Stengel to let him stay in a Mets game.

"Let me pitch to one more man," McGraw said. "I struck him out the last time I faced him."

Replied Stengel: "Yeah, but the last time you faced him was this same inning."

Another time, in a game against San Francisco, Stengel went out to talk to Mets pitcher Larry Bearnarth with two on, no outs and future Hall of Famer Orlando Cepeda at the plate.

"Tra-la-la," was all that Stengel said before walking off, leaving a puzzled Bearnarth. On his next pitch, Cepeda grounded into a triple play to end the inning. Bearnarth couldn't wait to ask Stengel what "Tra-la-la" meant.

"Tra-la-la, triple play," replied Stengel.

4) Pitcher pleads, but case ends in a hung Jerry

When Dodgers pitcher Jerry Reuss pleaded to stay in a tight game, manager Tommy Lasorda told him he'd do the Democratic thing and take a vote. Lasorda wanted to yank him. Reuss voted to stay, of course, figuring that with catcher Steve Yeager on his side, he had it made.

When queried by the manager, however, Yeager told Lasorda, "Shoot, I would have taken him out two innings ago."

5) Baseball played at a different speed

Steve Garvey, former Dodgers and Padres first baseman, said first-base conversations had a different dimension during his day.

"I played in the '70s, an era when there were a lot of amphetamines in baseball," Garvey told the San Diego Union-Tribune in 2002. "I could tell from the way a player arrived at first base if he was on them or not. They'd have the pupils dilated, the sweats, talking real fast. I'd say, 'How ya' doing?' and they'd say [intensely] 'FINE!!! Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine, yeah, yeah!!!' "

6) I lay my jersey down to sleep...

Orel Hershiser told the Dallas Morning News that his strangest mound visit occurred at Wrigley Field. Dodgers pitching coach Ron Perranoski trotted out to the mound while Hershiser was hurling a shutout and asked Hershiser to look for Perranoski's wife, June, behind the dugout.

"We bought tickets to the Illinois State Lottery," Perranoski told Hershiser, "and if she's there, that would have meant we won the lottery. I was going to take off my jersey and lay it here on the mound."

7) Check, please. On second thought...

The late Johnny Oates had a more painful mound memory during a game at The Ballpark in Arlington. Oates, the Rangers' manager, stood on the mound with catcher Ivan Rodriguez, waiting for a relief pitcher to arrive, when Pudge suddenly reached over and tapped Oates in the groin.

"Cup check," Rodriguez told his startled manager, who recoiled in pain.

Oates later told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "I've learned from my experiences: You never know what to expect when you go to the mound."

8) Cook makes good use of bad ear

Longtime reliever Dennis Cook, deaf in his left ear from a childhood illness, had a surefire way of handling mound visits when he was pitching poorly.

"When they came to eat my rear out, I put my bad ear to 'em," Cook told the Star-Telegram.
9) Laughter is the best medicine, especially if your pitcher stinks

There are innumerable examples of managers, coaches or catchers using humor to diffuse a tense situation.

Twins coach Rick Stelmaszek, a former catcher, used to startle his pitchers by telling them, "The moon is made of green cheese," and then returning to the plate.

Pitching coach Billy Connors once went out in the 1980 World Series and said to visibly nervous pitcher Renie Martin, "I have one thing to say to you, young man: I love you."

Art Fowler, acting as an emissary for fiery manager Billy Martin, would tell struggling pitchers, "Whatever you're doing, you'd better cut it out, because you're ticking off Billy."

And former A's catcher Ron Hassey, the Mariners' bench coach, went out to the mound in a tight game to speak to Oakland rookie pitcher Todd Burns, who had just been called up hours earlier.

"Who are you?" Hassey asked him.

10) Misery loves company

Ex-Dodgers pitcher Burt Hooton once was advised on what pitch to throw by his pitching coach, Red Adams. The batter hit a three-run home run. A furious Hooton returned to the bench, and sat next to Adams. The opposing pitcher got into a jam the next inning, putting two runners on base, causing his own pitching coach to trot to the mound.

Hooton yelled out, "Tell him the same thing Red told me!"”

“Former Phillies pitching coach Johnny Podres once went to the mound and told the pitcher, "You're doing great." The pitcher responded, "Pods, what game are you watching?"”

“Say it ain't so, Raffy!”

“He did, but MLB had a different opinion.”

“Hah! At the A's game on Saturday, during BP they played some syndicated show on the big screen, and the focus of the show was Palmiero. All about what a great guy he is, how hard he worked to get his 3,000 hits and 500 HRs, blah, blah, blah. Now it comes out that he used the "Bonds defense": I didn't know I was taking steroids!”

“Also at the game on Sat., after Pudge got tossed, his replacement came up to bat an inning or so later and hit a foul ball about 6 rows away from us. Some dork with a glove (!) muffed it. Everyone in our section and the next one over was so busy giving the guy a hard time that we missed the HR the dude hit on the next pitch. Oops!”

“I hate seeing anyone older than 13 with a glove in the stands. COME ON!!!”

“I feel the same way Rockman. People will kill to get ahold of a $7 baseball.”

“Agreed. But if you do stoop to having the glove, ya gotta make the catch!!”

“Bad news/Good news:

First, the Giants are 14 games under .500.

But, they're only 5½ games out of first place because the D-backs and Padres are tied for first at 3 games under!!”

“Craziest finish to a game I ever saw.

Bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th, one out. Pat Burrell at bat. Swings at third strike, ball gets by Barrett. Jimmy Rollins starts in, sees Barrett recover the ball, turns and heads back to third. Barrett throws, Rollins turns again and runs home just ahead of the throw.

Cubs Lose; Cubs Lose!”

“Rollins! Woo-hoo!


Great quote from Eric Chavez last night after the A's lost for only the 15th time in their last 58 games: "It felt weird coming in [to the clubhouse] after losing a game."”

“The O's fired Mazilli. Maybe he slipped the roids to Rafael.”

“Anybody see the collision last night? Broken nose, multiple cheekbone fractures,... I hate it when that happens!”

“I know baseball players are dumb, but damn, haven't they ever heard of saying "I got it!"?”

“That was a great demonstration of the term head banger.

Man, I winced!”

“That was worse that the collison between Damon and whoever else was playing the outfield last year for the BoSox.”

“Ouch. Just watched the video on espn.com. Double ouch.”

“Really. Watching it can give you a headache!”

“Maybe he was trying a new technique to get rid of a nose hair.”

“In other news, I like how the A's won yesterday. Bottom of the 9th, runners at the corners, catcher throws back to "K-Rod," who doesn't bother to make enough of an effort to catch the ball. Jason Kendall runs home when the ball gets loose. Game over. A's move into first place.

I think in BowlderSon's 19 little league games this past spring, this kind of thing didn't even happen a single time. Wow.”

“Yeah, those damn baseballs are hard to hold onto. That's why they pay them so much.”

“Those of us in Bondsland thought this was pretty funny in SFGate this morning, especially the table:

”

“We don't need that. We have T.O.”

“A pair of 1-0 games for the Bay Area teams yesterday. Gigantes won, A's lost. I love 1-0 games because they usually go really quick, and it usually means good baseball was played.”

“It's baseball season? I thought it was stupid thread season? Phaedrus would never lie about that.”

“Giants bullpen gave up 5 runs in the 9th last night to lose 5-4, and the pitchers were whining about weary arms. Usually, athletes in various sports complain about not getting enough playing time. These guys are crying about playing too much! Go figure....”

“Yeah, the Phillies were whining because they lost the game after coming in from their road trip, but guess what? Washington had just gotten in from a road trip too.”

“Yes, thank heavens for the Mutts. Somebody has to bring up the rear and it might as well be them.”

“The Phillies head out to San Fran to take on the Grunts.”

“The Grunts beat the Cruds. Good!”

“I'm going to a Padres game next month, woo hoo! :D”

“I'd like to see them beat the Brats tonight.”

“The White Sox broke out of their slump tonight. Thank god.”

“We're umpteen games under .500, but still only 7 out! Finished the latest road trip at 6-7 - not terrible, but shoulda won 2 of those games.”