Joe millionare

“Ok tonite is the nite kiddies...who will Joe
pick... course I was
out of school today due to
wonderful weather and I saw him
on the edge. He was very
tight lipped... Who will win?
Or should I ask who will lose..?”

“HE PICKED ZORA!!!

I'm glad he picked her. I think it was the best choice.”

“I knew they'd give him some money.”

“ZZZZ....duh?...is it over yet?

Sorry, not my cup of tea...I don't watch ANY reality shows.”

“wow that was cool!


oh, ,uhm, i mean, i never watch that crap”

“Yeah, the money thing was cool, too.

She seems like a great girl.”

“I think the "twist" was over-rated. We were all expecting they would get money in the end!”

“Oh yea, who called it. Both the chick and the surprise.”

“I never watched the show, but I understand the twist was some sappy marriage proposal and a million bucks. Sorry, I would have been more impressed if the losing girl got pissed and went postal on the winning girl on national TV.”

“he made the right choice outta all those girls, i think. she was the realest one...”

“no marriage proposal.. he put the ring on her right hand.”

“I stand corrected”

“Oh thanks a lot....it hasn't aired here yet! LOL! My wife has been following the show.I just asked her do you wanna know who he picked??? She screamed NO!!!!! DON'T TELL ME!!!! LOL! I didn't!”

“You mean they both got paid a million bucks....bunch of ho's.

They're going to break up...just like in, "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire".”

“She reacted the way I thought she would when she found out he wasn't rich. She was relieved.

Other than that, I was pretty much wrong about everything. I was thinking the twist would be that she would be the rich one for a second.”

“What a disapointment! Wasn't the whole concept supposed to be him leading on and picking the biggest golddigger of them all only to see her reaction when he breaks the news that he's not really rich??? What a scam!!!

I must admit (although this was the only episode I watched) out of the two women he did pick the one that seemed the most honest, downhome, genuine and definitly not a golddigger. Of the two, she would be the one I picked...for a meaningful and hopefully lasting relationship.

And whoever said it is right...he does remind ya of Putty on Sienfeld.”

“Wasn't the whole concept supposed to be him leading on and picking the biggest golddigger of them all only to see her reaction when he breaks the news that he's not really rich??? What a scam!!!

No, I thought he was trying to find the one that wasn't a gold digger”

“LOL @ Buddur! I was totally thinking the same thing re: Putty on Seinfeld.

Let's go to Arby's!”

“I was glad it had a happy ending - no matter how contrived - rather than some Jerry Springer type thing.

I'm interested in next week's show - how're things going now, if at all.”

“I haven't watched this thing at all, so I don't profess to know much about the characters. But, Maple was watching and I heard a lot while I was cooking in the adjacent kitchen. One thing I kept hearing was some British guy referring to this thing as a fairy tale. Now, they also refer to this as 'Reality TV.' WTF? Which is it? Actually, it sounds like you would find more reality on the Simpsons. Just food for thought...”

“Evan picks Sarah instead of Zora. Zora's used to rejection by now, so she cries, packs up her stuff, and goes home.

Evan confesses to Sarah that he's not worth $50 million, but says he hopes she'll meet him this evening. She smiles and nods, and they each go to prepare for the final scene.

Evan waits in the room with Paul the butler for Sarah to come down. She does eventually come down, dressed in a beautiful long gown. Evan smiles sheepishly, relieved that she didn't ditch him. Sarah smiles back at him sweetly, then reaches under her gown and pulls out and H&K PDW, and with the sweet smile on her face, empties the magazine into Evan and Paul.

When the gun stops firing, she drops the gun, retrieves the ring box from Paul's twisted claw, and calmly walks out of the room and into the waiting limo. The End.


Now, come on, wouldn't you have loved to see that ending?”

“Thanks, Bit. Thought I was alone in my own demented thoughts on this one.”

“Not me. Why would you want to see something like that happen?”

“Oh, they had put together a video montage of different women on the show saying "fairytale". They did a lot of that on this last show, and they were all funny. I hope everybody who ever thinks about being on a "reality" TV show has watched this one. They can make anybody look bad. The only person who came out of this smelling like a rose was Zora.”

“The David Puddy reference was pretty much on the money, but listening to him, all I could think about was this old Zappa thing:

Lonesome Cowboy Burt
200 Motels
(Zappa)

C Bb
My name is Burtrom, I am a red-neck,
C Bb
All my friends, they call me Burt
C Bb
All my family from down in Texas
C Bb C
Make their living digging dirt.

I come out here to Californ-ee
Just to find me some pretty girls
Ones I see gets me so horny,
Ruby lips and teeth like pearls

Wanna love’em all, wanna love’em dearly,
All the pretty girls, I’ll even pay
I’ll buy’em furs, I’ll buy’em jewelry,
I know they like me, that’s what I say.

E A
I’m lonesome cowboy Burt (speakin’ at ya)
E A
Come smell my friendly shirt (Wreakin’ at ya)
E A E A
My cowboy dance, my cowboy pants,
E A D E
My bold advance on this here waitress
D A E A A7
He’s lonesome cowboy Burt, don’t you get his feelin’s hurt,
D
I’m out in this place, and
A
I’ll buy you a taste
E
And you can sit on my face,
A D A
Where’s my waitress?

C
Burtrum, Burtrum redneck (2)
C
I’m an awful nice guy, sweat all day in the sun,
C
I’m a roofer by trade,
F
Quite a bundle I’ve made,
D G
I’m a unionized roofin’ old son-of-a-gun
G
(He’s a unionized roofin’ old son-of-a-gun)

C
When I get off I get plastered,
C
Drink ‘till I fall on the floor
C F
Find me some communist bastard,
D G
And stomp on his face ‘till he don’t move no more
G
(stomps on his face ‘till he don’t move no more)
C
I huss and cuss and I keep on drinkin’
C
'Till my eyes puff up and turn red
C F
Drool on my shirt, see if he’s hurt,
D G
Kick him again in the head

I’m lonesome cowboy Burt (speakin’ at ya)
Come smell my friendly shirt (Wreakin’ at ya)
My cowboy dance, my cowboy pants,
My bold advance on this here waitress
He’s lonesome cowboy Burt, don’t you get his feelin’s hurt,
I’m out in this place,
And I’ll buy you a taste
And you can sit on my face,
Where’s my waitress?”

“Sorry twig. I guess I'm just waiting for the inevitable return of gladitorial games.”

“Lessee, there was Joe Millionaire and Michael Jackass, which to watch??? The repeat of the Mt. Rushmore documentary never seemed so great.”

“I must confess I don't watch this or any other (un)reality tv show.

But Fox is going to sink even lower. I heard a promo the other day that their new show is that the tv audience votes on 2 people on the new show who then get married never having met each other. Then the cameras follow them around.”

“Now that sounds like fun! Memo to self. Blow up TV. Throw away paper. Move into country. Build self a home. Have a lot of children. Eat a lot of peaches. Try and find Jesus on my own.”

“Latest show ideas from Fox:

Who wants to marry a Millionaire Cockroach?

Bestiality Island

Joe Latent Homosexual

Divorce Us, America

Bad Men Who Want to Throw Knives At Cute Little Bunnies, And The Busty Women Who Try To Stop Them”

“Evan Marriott always reminded me of David Hasselhoff.”

“He's probably David Hasselhoff's clone, only with an enhanced chin gene...”

“I think you've hit a ratings winner with the baddies bunnies and breasts idea. Who's worse, Fox for coming up with the ideas - or us for watching them in our millions?”

“Oh, us for watching them, surely. Aren't we?”

“That reminds me of what the focus groups supposedly said about Jay Leno...

"His huge chin is frightening to household pets and small children."”

“You have to be REEEEEEEEALLY bored to wanna watch this show. I guess 1 outta 3 households is REEEEEEEALLY bored.”

“Well, that's my excuse. I have to do something while I'm waiting for my wife to finish reading my kids the latest chapter of Harry Potter, before I give them goodnight kisses. I suppose I could devote my intellectual energies to analyzing the proof of Fermat's Last Theorem, or reading myself (and given how behind I am on my reading, that's not a bad idea). But damn, I'm tired when I get home from work. Use brain all day. Brain hurt in evening. Want beer, cheap sleazy entertainment to watch. Beer good, women goooooood. Ugh.”

“It was that or the antiques roadshow - and I could never admit to watching that”

“That's what I usually watch, ynami...lol....”

“I may watch it occasionally provided there's no rugged outdoorsy type activity”

“"...then reaches under her gown and pulls out and H&K PDW, and with the sweet smile on her face, empties the magazine..."- that probably did happen somewhere, sometime in this great big world.”

“My TV came with an off-on switch that I use when garbage is the fare. I head into the other room and take on another Wolfenstein scenario (I hate those ghosty guys with the red beams).”

“I wasnt' suprised with any of the ending...the money was a suprise but they are going to split it and he gave the ring as a promise to go on with their adventure. Gosh they need to go hiking some!!

What I liked was when Sarah got dumped and the girl before her came back to help her pack...and Sarah was trying to wisper about what her & Evan did in the woods and wondered if she looked stupid for doing that and not getting picked..lol I would say...YES...”