Things just get worse :( Life sucks

“I am loseing my family :(

First my brother, now my mom is trying to harm herself and my dad wants a divorce. Life really sucks. :( I feel so helpless. I have been trying so hard to take care of everyone, i havent even had time to grieve, eat or sleep. I have no idea what to do anymore.”

“My mom is finially asleep- I had to lock all the pills up. It scares the hell out of me. She kept saying how much she loved me, and to use her wedding ring to buy her cremation....I am too afraid to sleep. I don't know what to do.”

“Try calling a hospital or look in the phone book for suicide prevention. Good luck, sounds like you can use some.”

“I wish I could give you sound advice, but I think this is left up to someone who truely knows what to do. Just be strong and help your mother in her time of sorrow...she needs you now more than she ever did.”

“Free, you do have my sympathies...

BUT,

I hope you arent taking to much responsibility for your other family members. While you should encourage them to seek help and try to aid them in getting it, Dont allow them to use you for a dumping ground. If you arent care full you may find yourself being sucked into the emotional pits that they have dug for themselves.

As difficult and cold hearted as it may seem there does comes a point where you have to let them go and save yourself. You are of no use to them if you go over the edge too.”

“Dirtyoldman's advice is good. It's good to reach out and try to help somebody you love in a time of crisis, but if they don't hold up their end of it, it's not going to work. Sometimes tough love is necessary.

I've done an intervention, and it is not pretty. Luckily, the guy I tried to help eventually reached a point where he made the effort to help himself. Generally, they have to fall so far down that everything looks like up to accept help.

Good luck, but be careful.”

“i still say troll”

“YES, I think calling a hospital or suicide prevention service would be the thing to do.

GOOD LUCK!!

I know you don't need this on top of what's happened already!”

“You're wrong Opie. See the profile.”

“I think it's time you became the problem. Make your parents forget their petty problems.”

“umm Mutt i dont think the lose of a child is petty.

once again Opie swings and misses.”

“They still have a living daughter, evidently. To be so self indulgent in their problems is petty, when the daughter is clearly in need of their support.”

“Free: I think there are two threads of great advice here that go together:

1) Get someone professional involved.

2) Don't take on too much yourself.

You can't rescue your Mom, your Dad or their marriage. You can hook them and yourself up with some support. Your "spoiled brat" thread told me that the way things work is that you get put in the middle of your parents' stuff and it's not fair to you.

If your Mom gets really suicidal you will need to call in help. She will probably need to be seen by someone in an ER, a crisis center or be visited by a crisis team who will decide what kind of help and support she needs. All they can do is give her a chance to get herself together.

I almost recommended couple's or family therapy after seeing your "spoiled brat" thread... after learning about your brother today and the rest of the situation, I think that it would be important to get as many of you in the family as will go to see a good therapist.”

“you are right, but I cant imagine losing one of my children. they need help, they are not being petty.”

“By not seeking help they are being self-indulgent and petty. Poor parenting.”

“Mutt do you have children?”

“you know what Mutt dont even answer that, it doesnt matter, I think your being insentive.”

“very well said Ped.”

“mapleleaf, I think you're suffering from self-rightousness. I may be blunt, but there's never a valid reason to abandon the needs of your children.”

“Mutt: We are all flawed and in the grip of pain and loss, we often lose sight of what matters most.

Depression and loss can make many people self-indulgent and self-absorbed. If you want to bash people, especially when they are down - I suppose you have an opportunity to do so, by pointing out what is ugliest in the situation.”

“Mutt until you have watched a love one burie a child and see what Hell they go through, you have NO RIGHT to stand there and say that what they feel is petty. I am not being self-rightousness. Just being a lot more undertstanding of antoher Human beings feeling.”

“good luck free, seek help. it's out there. other family members would be a good idea too. if your parents have any sublings, parents, or aunts and uncles. you need help, seek it. nothing wrong with that. i've gotten help when i needed it.

good luck and may God bless you.”

“Free, if there's anything the locals can do, please let us know.”

“Mutt: We are all flawed and in the grip of pain and loss, we often lose sight of what matters most.

Sure, but for how long? Of course people aren't perfect. But it sounds like the mother is suicidal and using drugs and the father is wanting a divorce. Sounds like it's been going on for awhile, so that's just petty self-indulgence.”

“Please think about getting some help, it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.

I wish you the best, my prayers and good thoughts are with you.

Check your e mail......”

“There was a child named Bernadette
I heard the story long ago
She saw the Queen of Heaven once
And kept the vision in her soul
No one believed what she had seen
No one believed what she heard
But there were sorrows to be healed
And mercy, mercy in this world

So many hearts I find, broke like yours and mine
Torn by what we've done and can't undo
I just wanna hold you, come on let me hold you
Like Bernadette would do

We've been around, we fall, we fly
We mostly fall, we mostly run
And every now and then we try
To mend the damage that we've done
Tonight, tonight I just can't rest
I've got this joy inside my breast
To think that I did not forget that child
That song of Bernadette

So many hearts I find, broke like yours and mine
Torn by what we've done and can't undo
I just wanna hold you, won't let me hold you
Like Bernadette would do
I just wanna hold you, come on let me hold you
Like Bernadette would do

(The words cannot do justice to the song, sung by Jennefir Warnes and written by Leonard Cohen, Jennifer Warnes, Bill Elliott)”

“Good luck with the situation Free.”

“Pedxing, looking at what you wrote i think has hit the nail on the head. both mom and dad are dumping their unhappiness on me right now about their personnal problems. I am trying to get my mom help but since she hasn't harmed herself yet kaiser won't do anything which i think is a bunch of bull #&%!$. I can't even be in the same room with either of them without them starting to bash each other. I think the divorce is a long time coming but my mom has no job and no way to support herself. Family means everything to me and I don't want to lose anymore.”

“I once was involved in an intervention. Called the suicide hot line they were most helpful. Between the professional help of the hotline and our presence able to halp the woman through the difficult time. But it was the professional help that provided some objectivity that those of us around the woman didn't have.”

“Mutt until you have watched a love one burie a child and see what Hell they go through, you have NO RIGHT to stand there and say that what they feel is petty

I'm not calling their feelings petty. I'm calling their continued self-indulgent behavior selfish.

And I have witnessed a loved one go through the loss of a child (due to cancer at the age of 16). She was crushed, but she never abandoned the needs of her other three children.

I think you're overly sympathetic with the parents in this case, and I think you're enjoying displaying a sort of indignant moral superiority.”

“Obvectivity- thats why I posted this problem here. Right now thats what I need in this situation.”

“Nice demonsration of heartlessness, there, Mutt.”

“Free, I felt growing up that I was the one raising a child. My Mother. so i understand.
there are people out there that can help you and your family. pull out the phone book and look in the middle or the back where the goverment listings are and im sure you will find someone that can help you.”

“some people would rather not be objective, apparently. [cough]mapleleaf[/cough]”

“Hey Mutt, we're trying to be supportive of free23. If you would like to moralize and be judgmental, please try to keep your hands off the keyboard while you're doing it.

It's not about you.

Free, Kaiser needs to know your mother is suicidal. They HAVE to get her help is she's insured with them and she's willing to get help.

I work for an HMO, and know my way around these things a little.”

“Tilt, I sympathize with Free! I think her parents should get help and start attending to their daughter's needs. How is that heartless?”

“Mutt who the Hell are you? did I miss the bitter breeze being blow in the front door when you came in?
you have nothing postive to offer Free, so maybe you should go find somewhere else to be hurtfull.”

“If you need to, you can email me at work. You already have the address.”

“that goes for me too free. you have my addy and phone #'s. please use them. you also need time to heal and talk about how you feel.”

“Mutt who the Hell are you

You're the newbie here. I don't remember you around back in the 90's, or even 2 years ago.

I think it's funny you're trying to create an elitist authority based on your regular posting. Definitely better than your lack of an argument.”

“Thank you Phae. My mom and dad both have agreed to get help together (just a few moments ago) They are finially getting together and talking. I don't care so much for my needs as for the well being of my family but you are all right about having to let them go. Once they get their help I will try distancing myself more.”

“what is Kaiser?

Mutt, like my mom always said, nothing nice to say? say nothing!”

“Maple, thank you too. My other brother is here now so I can get ready and go to work.

I have hope things will brighten up, without hope, there is nothing. Thank you all for listening to me :)”

“Nice? I was being objective, and that's exactly what Free said she wanted. Get off your high horse you poser.”

“anytime!!”

“Kaiser is the OTHER big HMO here in town. They have a pretty extensive mental health network, so they should be a good fit for people in need of guidance after the loss of a loved one.”

“Free, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You know what you need to do, I wish you much strength in the days to come to deal with what's in front of you.

Maple, let the stuff with Mutt go. You are going to butt heads until the cows come home.”

“Mutt, you could stand to chill as well.”

“your right smiley, i just read some of the other things he has written and he is a angry person.

thanks phae, for answering my question.

Free you do have a good head on your shoulders. so go to work and take care of yourself.”

“Good luck free - and well said Smiley G - to both of em :o)”