Friday funny thread

“Renaissance urns are TSA compliant for passengers traveling on commercial aircraft with cremated remains.

Y'all can still travel!!!”

“Norman, I see you skulking around with those young sluts...”

“LMAO

y'all can still travel




hey how much for de ladie in the soft urn?”

“it thought that link was gonna be for tea bags.”

“http://www.123mycodes.com/myspaceprank/boobflash.swf

It is worksafe, I swear.”

“cute.
That you Stovie?”

“No, my figure isn't that slim. ;-)”

“Li-wu in Chinese = Gift

Emotion is energy in motion.
Lucky numbers 27, 11, 33, 4, 49, 6


Guess what I had for lunch. ;-)”

“I'm going to an Asian Stir Fry place for dinner tonight...I have been craving spring rolls for 2 weeks!!!”

“We have a wiener! ;-)”

“I am guessing you had the "pet of the week"?”

“I had the same thing Stovie...I think it said something about oh yeah...I will inherite money or a small piece of land.”

“Are you sure it didn't say you will inherit bills and land a small piece?”

“[img]Crazy Cow - I like to MOO -- SONG VIDEO

Add to My Profile | More Videos[/img]”

“if not then try this

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1692141786”

“Laurel just heard part of that video. She came in and said "Mom, there's something wrong with that cow! Tee hee hee!"”

“still laughing!”

“I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew
the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I
thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would
tell me to take a few days off.


So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made
funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me
what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending
to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I
was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.


A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
and asked 'What are you doing?' I told him I was a
light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I
jumped down and walked out of the office.


When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the
Boss asked her '...And where do you think you're
going (You're gonna love this.....)
She said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the
dark.'


Blessed are the cracked for it is they who shall let in the light.”

“http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka2.swf

Move the woman by clicking her with the mouse... speed her up by hitting the right arrow key or slow her down by hitting the left”

“BUMP
you slackers”

“mapleleaf, it's been shown on here many times in several forms. Maybe come up with something new that is fun.”

“http://producten.hema.nl/?whatthefark

Long load time
Worth it”

“Cow economics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

CitiGroup VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.”

“Too much health care, right wing fear and left wing rightousness gets boring.

Let's liven this damn place up some.”

“A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"”

“LOL”

“I feel sad that ultimately your wife had to post so that you could get a laugh, Chili.

I liked it though. Really.”

“I's sort of surprised the crazy virgin #&%!$ gave up on the stamp collector.”

“LMAO, stovie. That was rich. I suppose we are among the limited set who are old enough to fully appreciate that clip and the full story behind it.

However, having said that, I went to see the Monkees in '86 or '87 on Mud Island. I figured it was a chance to see history, lol. That was the only concert I have ever been to where grown women were at the front of the stage and screamed at the top of their lungs when they came out on stage. It was a friggin riot! I really didn't care about the music, but the show was stellar.”