The Tree Family Tour of Manhattan - a Re view

“On the whole, while the Tree Family Tour of Manhattan had its moments of interest, it missed many of the island's most salient features, notably Night Court and Riker's Island.

That said, however, not many Big Apple tourists have experienced the sublime pleasure of visiting the city's auto impoundment lot. And it must be said that this attraction does not come cheaply.

The operators laid out about $290 for just this one stop on the tour, but it was well worth the expense. Remember - everything is more expensive in Manhattan.

The Trees could have saved some money. If they had just three firearms to sell, they could have covered the cost and had change left over. The City of New York offers $100 per firearm, no questions asked. That was just one of many notices posted at the counter, advising people about the intricate workings of the impoundment lot.

Like campers gathered around a campfire, people coming to bail their cars out of the slammer sit around exchanging trip notes. "How did you find out your car was towed?" Mapleleaf asked a couple sitting next to us. They said they had gone into a strip club to make the call, but the guy hastily added, "I didn't look!" Yeah, they all say that. The Tree's tour missed that attraction as well, I might add.

New York's second finest - traffic cops - man the impoundment. "Move over here," the female cop ordered us. Not bad, but it lacked a certain je ne sais que that we might have experienced had the tour taken us to Riker's Island. We and the other citizens complied meekly, of course, more out of a sense of playing along than anything else. That cooperative spirit probably cost us a stop at Riker's.

Treebeard finally showed up with the Treemobile, sacrificed the while to gain admission to the many splendors of the impoundment lot.

All in all, considering stops missed, the Tree Tour of Manhattan must be rated a scant two stars out of a possible five, but the auto impoundment lot alone rates four stars easily.

Gaining admission to the New York City Auto Impoundment Lot is not at all as difficult as one might expect. Check parking signs, park in any restricted zone, and the city's cooperative tow squad cheerfully takes care of the rest. If you are quick about it, you might even get there in time to see your car disappear around the corner on the rear of the hook.

And an added bonus to the stop, tipping is heavily discouraged. A sign behind the counter advises, in fact, that bribery is a crime. Would that other hostelries, restaurants, and tourist attactions hold the same attitude!

Like actors in a Seinfeld show, the habitues of the auto impoundment lot seem jovial, perhaps even content. Don't try to analyze it too much; this is, after all, New York.”

“Well done, Geo! In hindsight, I think we should have brought a blanket and a bottle of wine to the affair. Could you just imagine spreading that out on that floor there and popping the cork??”

“LOL! Reading that just adds to a growing list of things I won't miss about NYC. :-)”

“lol geo, very good report.

next stop on the Tree Family tour... Night Court.

maple”

“I'm in!”

“What's maple going to do to get dragged into night court?

"But honest, officer, the frozen turkey assaulted me!"”

“The Trees are quite creative and adaptable. I'm sure it will be something entirely new and exciting. The frozen turkeys are old stuff. The Trees move on!”

“Right. We're as much fun as a shipment of cadavers at a fraternity party!”

“Way better!”

“we might get assrested at a RAVE!!!


maple”

“Assrested?

I don't think I want to know what that is...”

“lol

its the meds thingy

maple”

“Maple nearly charmed that lady traffic cop out of her badge and cap. I could have sold that NYPD hat in Philly for more than the $290.”

“i'll post the inside pics. when I download the softwear to the camera on Tuesday. I left it at work.

maple”

“I'm hard at work carving guns out of soap trying to to recoup my money...”

“Maple, get out of my name. You're confusing half the country, including me...”

“Get out of my name or I'll have you assrested!”

“Confused?

I think we have HER number!”

“Lol, Tom..”

“Get her password tattooed on her hand or something.”

“Ass-rested?
Too funny.”

“Tattooed on the ass?

Maybe that's what the assrested thing is.

And while we're at it, how many "ass-tattoos" here?”

“No tattoos for this boy!

All I can think of is an old 'Barney Miller' episode where this guy gets into a fracus with the tattoo artist because he changes his mind during the process. So, the tattoo that is supposed to say 'mother', only says 'moth'.”

“Tattoo or not tattoo, tat is ta question.”

“Great report Geo!

Hey Treebeard - with all the tv shows being brought into this such as Barney Miller and Seinfeld, I was thinking of a tv show while running around Manhatten like a chicken with his head cut off:

Allen Funt, where did you hide the F#%^ing camera!!”

“lmao, Penns!”

“lmao, Penns!”

“damn suitcase made me post twice....”

“Wow Geobeet, that was some tale. I end up in the finer sections of NYC several times a month, but generally skip the impound yard & night court. Never been to Rikers but have been to many other fine establishments. Our working vehicle is usually skipped over by these roundups. Did anybody mention that you can't make right-turns-on-red turns in Manhattan? They do have camera's on some traffic lights & mail you a citation (I found out.)”

“Did anybody mention that you can't make right-turns-on-red turns in Manhattan?

Uh Oh.”

“I take it you didn't know that, Pennsy. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!
You can do it in all other parts of the state, but not in the city limits (which makes sense if you think about it).”

“Pennsy's from some hick town.

They don't even have traffic lights!”

“So, you can even do donuts on red there?”

“Mmmmmmm, donuts.”

“Easy there, Homer!”

“Easy there, Homer!”

“Ooops, I think we made some right turns on red during our getaway. Are there cameras in Brooklyn???

Oh, almost forgot. Take good care of my bridge Tree People. I may have to use it again.”

“You can't make a right hand turn on red in Manhattan? You mean those roads with five lanes going one way and taxi cabs going all the other ways? Actually those Walk/Do Not Walk signs would be kinda useless if you allowed right hand turns on red.”

“Hey, that was the corner we met on, Walk and Don't Walk! How'd you know that?”

“silly wabbit, driving in NYC is for young kids!”

“The Franklin Mineral Museam opens to the public in April. So we should meet there, tour the museam and then go to my house to have frozen margeritas and french vanilla decaf. I know it is not backpacking, but we could pick a rainy weekend.”

“Okay, I promise that I will use lime this time, and have salt for the rims of the glasses.”