I think I am about to be fired

“Interoffice Memo to a XXXXXXXXXXX

To: XXXXXXXXXXXX
From: Project Manager
RE: Cubicle Modification
It has come to my attention that you will be conducting an unauthorized event in your cubicle on Thursday, for which you have not filed the proper paperwork, received the proper approval, or have explained what you intend on doing as far as making up the billable hours you will be spending conducting this event.
Furthermore, having reviewed an unauthorized itinerary and having inspected your cubicle prior to the event, I should, as your supervisor, remind you of the following company policies:
1) Federal law prohibits firearms inside or within a certain number of feet of federal office buildings. This includes fireworks.
2) The low ceilings in our office coupled with the height of the "Grill 2 Go" currently erected in your cubicle could cause smoke and or heat to trigger the sprinkler system on our floor, ruining about a billion dollars worth of equipment and work.
3) Several of your coworkers have complained about your repeated insistence on playing marching band music on your computer without the use of headphones. This is inconsiderate to your coworkers.
4) A coworker yesterday heard you yell out several times while watching video clips on your computer....let me remind you that your computer is for work purposes only. This morning our IT department removed approximately 2.1 GB of college sports-related video and audio files from your hard drive.
5) Consumption of alcoholic beverages while on the job is grounds for immediate termination. Let me remind you of our conversation of September 1999 where I ruled then against your contention that lite beer is not an "alcoholic beverage."
6) A 71-year-old female employee came to me yesterday with a bruise on her head suffered, apparently when you were playing in the office with a basketball. Horseplay in the office will not be tolerated as it creates a safety issue for all.
7) I am hoping that I am mistaken as to why the floor of your cubicle is covered with newspaper but if the rumor I hear is correct; PLEASE reconsider bringing a live wolf into the office.
8) This may be pure coincidence, but the last time your school had a NCAA tournament game, I received several profane messages on my voicemail where the speaker, barely intelligible, was dissertating on how "[expletive deleted]ed up he was".....I couldn't help but notice that it's ironic how someone was intoxicated on a weeknight AND knew my phone number.
9) I received a call yesterday from a man named Herb Sendek or something like that, who said he was reviewing your application. I gave you a pretty good review but the questions soon turned to job tasks that I have not had the opportunity to evaluate you on, including "can he hit a quick three" and "do you employ zone or man-to-man." I told him we were a government contractor, and he appeared confused. He was asking me about your "fast break”; I assumed this was an IT term referring to how fast you can type and I said "he's got really good speed"....he said they'd get back to you regarding a "tryout".....if you aren't satisfied with your current position, I'd like to get your input on what exactly is wrong.
10) This morning when I went to put my lunch in the office freezer, I found it completely full of pizza, burgers, various dips, and a strange box in the refrigerator that said "do not open" but appeared to have Samuel Adams information spray painted over. The office refrigerator is for the entire office to share, please do not monopolize it.
If you have any questions about the company policies on the above situations, please do not hesitate to call me. Have a good day.
- [Name removed] Office Manager”

“Geez, Your Boss sounds like a real jerk.”

“yeah, I didn't see any problem with my cubicle renovations”

“good one hyway.”

“Wish I could get fired.”

“If at first you don't succeed, try try again”

“Tell your boss...
It's my way, or the hyway!”

“Or hit him in the head with a brick!

8)”

“i think you should take a conciliatory approach and offer him a beer and a burger from the grill in your cubicle.”

“If you worked for bacpac, you'd be fired already!”

“hyway, thats some funny stuff.
i was thinking of re doing my office, are you for hire?
there was this strange little guy that worked in the office next to me. he would always come over and chat with me.
one day he asked me "how can i get this compnay to fire me, so I can collect unemployment?"
I wish I had seen this memo. it would have been perfect for him.
they did fire him for some dumbass reason.”

“As long as you don't mind posters of Strutting Wolves and Block "S"s I am for hire.”

“I think i may have gone over the line.
I am trying to keep two departments together by myself.
got a call today from one of the big bosses, demanding infomation.
I am so overwhelmd, I got mad and hung up on him.”

“Give 'em hell”

“uhoh, maple.....you've done it big time!


how can I get a donation for breast cancer from ya if you've got no job? Now quit being a hippie and go appologize! :D”

“A hippie??

Can I donate my hair?”

“Heh Heh, ... some big boss is gonna find out who is really the boss! The poor blighter!”

“Tell him you thought it was a prank and that someone called you pretending to be him!”

“Good plan, Capt Dodo”

“Who you callin Dodo, ya Mo-Mo!!!”

“LOL, maple, I am not surprised you did that.

I walked out of a meeting a little while ago and thought I'd be in trouble, but my boss was glad I did.

I'm probably gonna get fired too...sitting around playing on TT all day...it's so damn boring here.

hohum...I'm off to the post office to mail in my winter BSP reservation requests, wahoo!”

“the thing is, my boss is in the hospital just getting over an operation
yup I think i am done. oh well. I guess trying to keep all the balls up at once are starting to fall.”

“And they're not the fun kind of balls, either, are they?

:-)

Whatever happens happens. There are other jobs if that's the way it goes.”

“In the hospital you say?

Sounds like your boss needs a visit from Dr. Kleenman, TrailTalk Proctologist!!!”

“Tell him you've just been so angry since the Yankees collapsed and the Sux winning it all has just been overwhelming and you are sorry for taking the frustrations out on him.
Then break into sobs...”

“i wouldn't worry mapes, he knows your a New Yorker, right?”

“Get Shapiro! Or is he only an "upstate" lawyer? Loved his one commercial:

"I may be an SOB but I'll be your SOB!”

“F him if he can't take a joke.”

“I don't know your job situation Maple, but it sounds like with your boss in the hospital they will need you for a while. If you look good to them for a while, hold the fort, tempers will have cooled by the time your boss is back - and you stand a really good chance of keeping your job.”

“well first call came in "did you hang up on Jim?"
"yes I did"
"ok thank you"

yup i am f^cked.”

“or someone just won a bet!”

“too bad it wasn't a cell phone. you could have just said it lost signal.”

“"did you hang up on Jim?"

"click"”

“Maybe you should do a pre-emptive strike? Go in and demand more money for all the crap you put up with or you're walking!!!!!

It's a no lose situation. If you're sure they're gonna can you.”

“Usually Pottymouth gets in trouble when she opens her yap. This time she's in trouble for what she didn't say. Go figure!”

“Maybe you should write a memo asking for a pregnancy leave, pre-date it and sneak it into the bottom of everyone's in-boxes. Then when you're fired, you could sue.”

“ooooooohhhh, thats a sneaky plan!”

“Why would they fire you for one thing, mapes? Wouldn't your supervisor just tell you, "Hey Mapes, don't hang up on the boss!"

Any chance you can call up the boss and apologize? "Hey Boss, sorry about hanging up on you earlier. I've been really stressed out with all the juggling I've had to do lately. Won't happen again...."”

“I've got to cut back on TT during the day also.
My boss is taking a class on how to punish those that abuse the internet. ;-)”

“A spanking! A spanking!”

“that's why we love you, you're too honest!! Let's hope that's one of the reasons why your boss loves ya!”

“Yes, I agree, Mapes needs a spanking! ;-)”

“If he can't stand the heat, he should stay out of the telephonic kitchen!”

“I feel like quitting today, sometimes I really, really hate my job, but I need it.

Is it happy hour yet???”

“i'll drink one for ya wanderer. I have no reason to be sobber today :D”

“Thanks SC, I'm raising my glass to ya' right now! F sober.”

“My boss is cool.


Maybe I could quit by tackling one of the programmers who make my life hell...

Ah violence isn't the answer. It's a fun question sometimes, though.”

“I got mad and hung up on him

See, your flair for histrionics is getting you in tangible trouble. Stop acting like ditzy adolescent and grow up!”

“Mutt, if I worked with you, I'd have been fired... nay, put in jail, a long time ago.”

“Well mapes? Did you get the call yet?

"Hello, Maple Leaf?, Yes, could you come in here for a moment?"”