Could Use All Your Support

“Many of you know that Newergirl's father and I have gone through alot since she was born. He has struggled w/ alcoholism. Some of you who went on Montanapalooza w/ me know that he attended treatment last spring/summer and that we were giving it a shot. Well, he is living w/ us again. Things went very smoothly since last summer, he has maintained his soberity and we have both joined recovery programs (AA for him and a codependency group for me). We are also attending a church and a God-based recovery program for both addicts and their family through the church. Recently, we also started pre-marital counseling through the church. He's supporting us and Newergirl couldn't be happier. We have support from all our family and friends, but I felt that it's always a good idea to get the most support possible (especially since there have been alot of struggles in our relationship).

I also realize that posting about very personal matters makes some people on the board uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if those of you who are uncomfortable just ignore this thread. I'm happy w/ how things are working out for us and just want to "get some backing." It always helps to have lots of people (even virtually, lol) in one's corner. I don't think I have to let every detail of my life be posted here, but at the same time I'm not looking to use the board as a place to misrepresent who I am. Since he is now an active part of our lives again and we are heading toward marriage, I wanted to let everyone know about the big change in my life.

Thanks for being a great bunch of people. I really value what I get from TT.”

“Wow, that is a big change. I sincerely hope that it works out for the both of you. It sounds like you are both doing all the right things.

I think you'll get plenty of support from the people here.”

“oohhh, newgirl, i'm very happy for you! you always sounded so sad when you talked about how you guys were having problems. you go, sista-friend!!
:-)

he's a very lucky guy.”

“Thanks Bit. I sincerely appreciate it. And you are right . . . it is a big change. Newgirl is officially off the block! LOL!”

“I wish the best for the three of you.”

“lol, I could make an auction joke here, but I'll resist the temptation! Seriously very glad for you both.”

“Thanks Lyra! No reasons to be sad. It was alot of learning and surviving that should make for a very strong marriage. Afterall, we've already been through crap that alot of married couples will never face. Makes me pretty hopeful.”

“Good luck with it, I know how tough these situations can be.”

“We crack jokes, we argue, we hurl insults, we say things that are completely inappropriate from time to time. But we're a family of sorts.

It takes a lot more effort and maturity to work things out than it does to turn your back on an issue or a person and walk away. What you have ahead of you is a lot more work and effort, and maybe even a few tears from time to time. But I admire the effort you both are making and wish you all the best.

May your relationship bring you joy to match the effort.”

“Thanks Ynami. It helps to have people that have "been there, done that" behind me.”

“You're quite the catch - don't ever forget that.

See, too, that you're treated as such. That shoe also fits the other foot, natch.

Good luck, and God bless you one and all.

Joe”

“Thanks Geo! I admit that I was a bit nervous putting this out there, 'cause when we split last I freaked out and posted alot of horrible stuff about it. I was worried that, because of the picture I had painted alot of TTer's would think I was being "immature" giving it another go. I really appreciate someone realizing how much it takes to face the issue and try to deal w/ it. I can say for sure that it takes alot more maturity to deal, then to walk away. And we are already being rewarded for our effort. Things are going exceptionally well.”

“Thanks, Gojo, you sweet Southern man! I'll make darn sure I'm treated well. What do you guys think, is it appropriate to make him call me "Princess?"”

“Wishing you all the best!”

“i know, you have been through a lot...i bet you're a deeper person for it! or at least a crazier one...
;-)”

“From the sounds of things, he's made one heII of an effort to recover and become the person you want, so it's an investment in faith on both your parts.

As for support on this board, it's always been there when I've needed it, despite the jokes and digs that fly back and forth. I'd say there is love here to, but it would only trigger some troll.

I admire couples who make the effort to work things out. I've never been accorded that courtesy. I happen to think there's a reason for things happening the way they do though.”

“Crazier. The word is crazier. LOL!”

“Sure, as long as he's treated like a prince.”

“Should be Princess. Her Adorableness is already taken.”

“Very cool, newgirl, I really hope it all works out for you.

Does this mean you'll have more time to backpack now? :-)”

“The best you you and your family. I would only add to comments here that I hope all three of you are also getting medical support/evaluation. Research indicates that alcoholism has physical roots and the effects can have physical affects on family members.

Best of luck.”

“Gojo, you have no worries. He's treated quite well. (Bastard better take out the damn trash tonight or I ain't serving him no dinner. LOL! Kidding.)

Artex, I sure hope it does. We are really trying to work it out to make the "All About The Kids" hike that Sass is planning for Michigan in Aug. I really want him to go. I need someone to pack the kid in the Kelty so I can enjoy myself. LOL!”

“Good for you folks . You are dealing with the problem and you know I think the kid knows it! Outstanding .
Hang tough and good luck to you and your family.”

“Stump, he already went throug medical evalution last summer. Physically he's in fine shape. I'm not sure about the physical effects for me or Newergirl, since we are obviously not drinkers. If you mean about the genetic predisposition . . . we are well aware of that and doing everything we can to limit the possibility for Newergirl's future.”

“Thanks McGrunt. Newergirl totally gets it. Mommmy and Daddy are happy and a 2 yr. old catches on to that real quick.”

“Newergirl needs a mommy and daddy.
I'm very happy you guys are back together.
Nothing in Life is easy, work hard at it!”

“Cool, hope you make that hike and many others Newgirl. It's obvious you really enjoy backpacking, but just never had many opportunities to do it.

And besides, I know this guy, his name is Ze Saucy Frenchman, and he has a great tactic for romantic evenings by going camping and opening up a bottle of wine and serving a picnic dinner to whatever lucky lady catches his eye. Perhaps you could be Ze Saucy Montanta-girl sometime?”

“NewG, I was unaware that you were going through this. But, from what I am reading here, you guys sound like you are well on the road. Just stay on the path and I hope everything continues in a positive way. It's very important for that little one that it does. My best vibes are with you. Best of luck!”

“His behavior can have an effect on other's metabolism, be it stress or whatever--evidence isn't in, yet. Just so you two get a regular checkup.”

“Kill the bum. I want ya! :) :) ;)

A blowdryer in the shower works great!”

“OOOOh, okay, Stump I get what you're talking about. I do have some digestive issues that I just found out about in Nov. that are related in a big part to emotional stress. I take some medication (for the intestines), but dealing w/ my own co-dependency has had a greater impact on solving the problem.

Griz, you are so hilarious!

Thanks Treebeard.”

“Hey Noogie, you do what is best for YOU. Don't concern yourself with the opinions of us, the god based recovery prgm, your family, him or any other group supposedly concerned for your well-being.

"And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of Life, keep Peace with your soul."

I hope you have a long and happy engagement.

Wishing you the best...”

“Thanks Flyguy. I'm glad to hear the opinions and advice from everyone, but ultimately I just posted to get some more support. I feel like any couple, especially if they have struggle, is likely to have more success if they have alot of great people behind them. I also wanted everyone to know my new "development." We don't have to give all the details to our virtual friends, but I'm not down w/ people "hiding behind the screen." Know what I mean?”

“Never forget the one simple rule for a happy marriage: there's enough blame to go around.


My wife reminds me of that when I get uppity. :)”

“LOL! Hilarious Phaederus.”

“Good Luck to you guys, but remember, Gordon is STILL there, iffin you know what I mean?

No, not the Gordon from here, the Gordon that had jerberar tied up in rope handcu...never mind.”

“I remember him Chief. I'll keep him in mind. He might have Willie Nelson connections. Can he get me Willie Nelson tickets? Plus, he kinda' knows how to cook pasta if you monitor him.”

“Get you Willy tickets? Hell, he is Willy, isn't he?

He didn't pull the old "If it sticks to the wall it's done" line did he?

THE PASTA you perverts!!!!”

“LOL @ Chief.”

“Good luck to both of you. I respect the priority you have for newer girl, and yer guy better respect and be grateful for how you are hanging in their with him.
It's good to see someone really taking on the things in their life that they want to change.”

“He is a very lucky man.

I wish you and him all the best.

8)

And Newergirl too becuase after all she has the best mommy and child could ever ask for.”

“I wish you both the best...it's going to be hard, I know, 30 years ago, my wife and I we were exactly where you are now. She stuck by me while I kicked the drugs and booze, I'm still alive now because of her. We've now been married over 33 years. We had a lot of support from friends, sounds like you do as well.

Remember,in the end, you can only help yourself and Newergirl...she comes first.”

“That's great news newgirl. I hope it will out between you two. Good Luck!!!

don't know what else to say...I'm missing the words. One day I'll take an english class. After that yall going to wish I never joined this board...”

“If a traditional 12 step program doesn't work, check this out:

Tame the Beast”

“That's more genuine than a college try, newgirl, it sounds like you and yours are making ALOT of effort towards recovery. I wish you guys the best!”

“I hesitate to suggest this, but if you are serious about working things out with below zero....

In all troubled relationships, there are areas for improvement on all sides. Below Zero's areas are well documented, and he is giving it the old college and graduate degree school try. How about you? No need to give details. There are areas that you need to work on, that will be pleasing and encouraging to him. He's giving a little, and so can you. It takes two to make it work. That's two working together, not one working for the other. (been there)

Good luck, I wish you (all) well.”

“Good luck to both of you.”

“Your not married, and he is a alcoholic. You have a very young girl who is being exposed to some very serious problems. If he can't beat this problem on his own by himself then what makes you think he will now. Why would anybody who has been exposed to the terrible effects of alcoholism, want to take a chance like you are. I say split back up. Let him deal with this problem if he can. Let God help with your need's and the boyfriends also. Your little girl deserves better and you do too. Do you have any idea what happen's when he fall's off the wagon, which most do six months to one year latter. He can beat this but he has to do it on his own. Not for you, not for the little girl, but just because he wants to, and it may take a long time. It is a major change in lifestyle in effect. I would not give a inch on this. He is a big boy and not your husband and don't marry into problems. It won't last. I know this is a terrible outlook on your concerns but you already have one child to raise. Time and distance and the help from Heavenly Father can help work wonders. This brings back bad memories. Sorry to hear you are having to deal with it. Be strong, God Bless you and your daughter and also God Bless him, your boyfriend. I hope he reads this.”

“A,,, I don't know what to say!! Best wishes are just meaningful words. Give it sometime before you tie the knot. Like enough time for me to find a rentable white horse and some Ti armour. You're a fine young thang, with a reasonably sane head on your shoulders. Are you sure there aren't any other ships coming in? Have ya been to the market in while? I hang in the produce aisles for SW, you should try the snack aisles for SM.”

“Wow. Keep a clear head!

GOOD LUCK!”