This is Specifically for Artex

“French Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey”

“French Claim WWII Could Have Been Avoided


French Army Poster depicting troops waiving hello to the Germans in 1940.

NEW YORK - French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin claimed Friday that World War II could have been avoided "if we'd only given Hitler more time to disarm." The remarks were made privately after deVillepin made a disgusting face during US Secretary of State Colin Powell's remarks at the United Nations.

When the remarks were overheard, de Villepin explained himself. "You see, after it was over, World War I, Germany was left feeling very bad. They had, how you say, low self-esteem. We French, we are generous people, we say to them, go ahead, take what you want and rebuild your country."

"We did not realize they were going to make an army," the Foreign Minister said. "After Herr Hitler came in to power, well, we knew we could deal with such a man, he was so rational about how the Germans feel bad and lost so many boys in World War I, and how an army is just the right thing to make them feel better." At this point, de Villepin turned to his aides and said "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" whereupon they stuffed it in his mouth.

Feeling better after his camembert, he continued. "We did not want war in 1939, oh no! Those uncivilized Brits and unspeakable savage Americans tricked us. We told them that Herr Hitler was going to cooperate, again and again. We did not need to defend our country, so we put the whole army on a big picnic at the Maginot Line. It was wonderful, the wine, the pate...more cheese, Moe, Larry! Where was I, yes, well I think that if Churchill had not provoked the Germans the way he did, sending his fleet all over, Hitler would have disarmed when he was tired of taking land from the Czechs and Poles and Austrians, and yes, of course, killing all the Jews."

When asked by News2Me's UN correspondent, who was listening to this while attempting not to vomit, "then why did France end up in the war?" Stunned, de Villepin said, "no, we were not in the war, when the Germans attacked in May 1940, it was to rid our country of those nasty British and Americans who were being so mean to them. Once the British were gone, we were friends with the Germans."

de Villepin concluded, "so you see, today it's the same thing. Mssr Hussein is just trying to make his people feel better after the Americans hurt their feelings in 1991. When he's done killing the Kurds, and taking a little land here and there from Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, he will feel better, and we can, how you say, get down to friendly business, like selling him nuclear reactors."

So, readers, we now know the truth. The French just want to be friends with everyone except us, because we are such savages. Last Sunday on ABC, de Villepin told America how we are so wrong, "Do you want me to tell you, really, what France is worried about? How many boys, American boys, are going to die in Iraq."

From the bottom of our hearts, Mister Foreign Minister, we believe you really care....NOT!

Staff Writer Resto Purinal reporting for News2me”

“LMAO!!!! Good one, BB!!! :-)”

“I think that is a doctored photo. I've never seen Artex with that hat before.”

“Will the real SlimArtex please stand up, please stand up, please stand up ...”

“Isn't that Dr. Zeus, from Planet of the Apes? I didn't know he was French?”

“That looks an awfully lot like my first wife's mother!”

“LMAO!! That's hilarious! But, umm, I'm straight. :-)”