Chili's Thread - All about Chili

“Here ya go.”

“Well?
What about him?”

“He's got 14 threads now.”

“mmmm, chili. i like it made with shredded beef and lots of beans.”

“Don't forget the Beano...very important.”

“chili, since you haven't chimed in, I'll do it for you.

Chili's quote of the day: "Anybody that thinks chili has beans, doesn't know beans about chili." I learned that from the chili master.”

“Is this the thread for stale lawyer jokes?”

“Yes.”

“eewww, is chili stale?”

“So this Lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender takes a deep breath and yells "See that rabbi over there? If you pull down your pants that rabbi will take you home and make love to you all night." The Lawyer shouts "Are you kidding? I'm an Lawyer!" The bartender says "You owe me a hundred bucks."

So the Lawyer starts chanting "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"”

“NO BEANS!!!”

“This lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender takes a deep breath and yells "See that guy over there? If you hold this pencil between your ass cheeks that guy will give you a night you'll never forget." The lawyer says "I'll take a Manhattan." The bartender looks around and says "We don't see many lawyers in here."

The lawyer tosses back a Manhattan and says "DiMaggio?"”

“ohmigod, it's Marveypoo!”

“So this lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender tosses back a whiskey and says "What's it gonna be?" The lawyer shouts "I'm not a lawyer, I'm a truck driver!" A monkey pounds on the bar and yells "I'm gonna do the mattress Macarena with you all night long!"

So the lawyer says "I was talking to the the monkey."”

“Here we go again. Dig it Marvin!”

“Gawd, I missed him.”

“All right, a lawyer walks into a bar.

A Irishman says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing. Aren't you a lawyer"? The lawyer stands up and says "Whatever." The Irishman pounds on the bar and yells "I'm gonna do you right here on the bar!"

So the lawyer says "Paint my house."”

“Marvin, you need a Large Drink.

What's the deal with the beans? <G>”

“No Marvin, that was gojo painting the house!”

“All right, a lawyer walks into a bar.

A rabbi says "I'd nail your feet to the floor to get a drink." The lawyer quickly downs six bourbons, one after the other. The bartender says "Look, we don't serve lawyers here."

So the lawyer says "Moo."”

“Marvin must have gotten un-banned.”

“I love this $hit!”

“So this Lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Look, we don't serve Lawyers here." The Lawyer tosses back a beer and says "I'll take a beer." A genie looks at the Lawyer and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine."

The Lawyer holds the genie over his beer and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"”

“why do i keep reading them??”

“This lawyer walks into a bar.

The laywer says "Can you do something nobody in this bar has ever seen before?" The bartender says "See that drunk over there? If you fly from here to the end of the bar that drunk will do anything you want, as many times as you want."

So the lawyer yells "All right! Where's that girl with the loose tooth?"”

“It's funny, that's why.”

“Marvin has been visiting something like:

http://www.brunching.com/cgi/barjoke.cgi”

“So this lawyer walks into a bar.

A pig looks at the lawyer and says "I know I don't know you, but I'd love to take you into the back room and give you the best sex of your life." The lawyer says "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender shouts "Look, you seem like a nice lawyer. Give me fifty bucks and I'll make it worth your while."

So the lawyer tosses back a Mai Tai and says "You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"”

“I'm finding this strangely amusing.”

“So this lawyer walks into a bar.

A midget gets close to the lawyer and tosses back a tequila shot and says "Give me a dollar and I'll beat up everyone in the bar." The lawyer quickly downs six tequila shots, one after the other. The midget cozies up to the lawyer and says "For a hundred bucks I'll give you oral pleasure like you wouldn't believe."

So the lawyer thinks a minute and says "Well, at these prices I'm not surprised!"”

“You and me both, SS”

“All right, a lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Hey. Why don't you stick a cue ball in your mouth?" The lawyer quickly downs six whiskeys, one after the other. A kangaroo gets close to the lawyer and says "Give me a hundred bucks and I'll pull down your pants."

The lawyer yells "Who the hell is Jesse Ventura?"”

“Yes, it's taking Marvin some time to change the object of the jokes to lawyers and clean up the language so it makes it past the profanity filter.”

“what if the lawyer changes his mind and walks into a bra factory with a duck under his arm wearing a rabbit sui?

then what?”

“Then he eats the cue ball and says he'll give you the ride of your life...”

“So this lawyer walks into a bar.

The bartender takes a deep breath and yells "See that pig over there? If you stick a cue ball in your mouth that pig will #&%!$ you and anyone else you'd like to invite along." The lawyer says "Whatever." A truck driver thinks a minute and says "I'd pull down your pants to get a drink."

So the lawyer says "You better pet him first, he looks mean."”

“Luke 7:30
Luke 11:52”

“Aren't you glad that Geo opened a thread dedicated strictly to you, Chili?”

“So, what's the deal with the beans?”

“"Lawyers sometimes tell the truth.
They'll do anything to win a case."

Attributed to Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832)”

“normal yet?”

“LMAO

Who woke Marvin up ??”

“Dunno, I just posted a thread about Chili and Marvin came on.”

“...Marvin is a Lawyer!”

“No!”