Teh Redneck Creed, slightly revised

“I've seen so many versions of this, I thought I should respond;

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses, big campfires and women with big boobs, little boobs or no boobs at all. I don't care about the size of your breasts, all y'all are goddesses in my book.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some government wonk with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. But if I find out you beat some poor guy up because he is queer, I'm gonna kick YOUR @ass just to show ya how it feels.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right NOT to like others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. That doesn't give me the right to discriminate against them, however. When 70% of the people who get arrested are minorities, where minorities are comitting 70% of the crime, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I get a hummer from one of the subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be fired immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, as a matter of practicality, you should do so in the best English possible. Don't apologize to me for your poor English, you speak my language better than I speak yours. And by the way, welcome to America!

My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. As a new American citizen, you have every right to criticize the way we live. All I ask is that you reflect for a moment on your motivation for coming here and ask yourself, 'Am I better off in America?' Ask yourself also, how you would expect me to behave if I visited YOUR homeland.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't envy the rich and I don't pity the poor.

I believe a fanatical liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with a .44 magnum.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack their little ass when necessary and say "NO."

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And . . . Please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, most of whom were not born in Africa, so how can they be "African-Americans"? My grandfather was born in Germany, I don't call myself a 'German-American'. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else. I hate the concept of hyphenated Americans.

And if you don't like my point of view, you can kiss my red, white and blue @ss!!! As an American, it's your right to disagree!”

“Sheesh, that's 'The" redneck creed.”

“i dunno. i think youre still a little left of redneckville.

; - )”

“Don't ya just hate it when you screw up a thread title, Ha Ha.”

“I done got me the right to tie my mean ol' dog to the rusted engine block of my Ford Pinto which I keep in my front dirt lawn.

I have never seen that before, but its cool anyway.”

“FG, If that's what it takes to be a red Neck, count me in. I like it.

Tahoe, I don't have a mean dog or a Ford Pinto (use to have a Pinto, but not anymore). Can I still be a redneck?”

“Funny how Bill Gates manages to show up in all these different lists of attitudes.”

“You got that right. Good job.”

“me neither, but I think that the application for Redneck 1 isn't that specific. Now, for Redneck 2, you have to show the title to the vehicle.”

“FG, if you're ever in my neck of the woods, I'm gonna buy you a beer! :-)”

“I live 5 hours from the Gulf Coast. I love crawfish, ahd yes, cayanne pepper. Cornbread, purplehull peas, greens w/ hamhock, and babies playin' in th' yard, are also favorites. If I don't drink my coffee first, I'll feed the cows and milk the chickens! And God made bisquits for soppin' gravy! Southern women are the most beautiful in the world and they"ll let you know it. They also have a sterness that will coerce any man to behave when he steps outta line. Man, I love it down here! Ain't life great?! Sign me Paw-paw.”

“Well, Artie ol' buddy, now that you're in Floridia (mispelling intentional), that might just be possible. I'll look forward to it. What part of Baja Alabama do you live in???”