Postponed...

“Trip Postponed...

I dreamed for years about this trip, and I can't handle it? I really hope that this isn't the end...

I'm ready for your crap, This just wasn't my time, I feel so terrible right now, nothing seems to make sense... currently I try to figure out why I'm sitting in front of my computer at home, 90 miles from where I ended this morning. My emotions got carried away, I prayed for help and the road led me home...

I'm not going to make up excuses, I just can't handle being alone, It was a long process, but eventually the road led me back home. I'm quite dissappointed in myself, and realize that I've let a lot of people down. The emotions I felt while I was on the road alone didn't allow me to enjoy myself, the only time I could truely enjoy what was happening was when I had the company of a friend. I only lasted 9 days, 90 miles, I feel terrible that I allowed myself to quit, but I couldn't handle it any more. It wasn't supposed to end so soon, I never thought that I'd allow myself to come all the way home... how did this happen?

This trip isn't over, merely postponed. I'm taking some time to regroup, think things through and wait until I no longer have to be alone. When I have someone to share the experience with, I will head out again. I've realized that the solo journey might not be for me, but I'd still like to live my dream, if it only means waiting for someone to join me.

I'd like to say, that a solo trip definately isn't for everybody, but I would suggest trying it out to anybody, it is an experience that you will never forget. Sure some people can handle the solo journey, and live for it, they enjoy the time alone, the solitude, time for reflection. I've never realized how dependant I am on others to give me comfort and companionship.

Currently I will help my family move, we're making a big move south, so they will enjoy any help I can provide in cleaning up the house, packing, and moving everything. I will make the final plans for the continuation of this trip and get back to everyone, I will be back out there this summer, don't give up on me yet. This isn't the end, just merely a new begining, just give me some time to figure myself out.”

“Simer, I know exactly how you feel. I've done that over and over again. The loneliness really gets to your head. You'll find your groove some time soon. In the mean time, keep yourself busy and keep on planning. Goog luck to you.”

“Don't put yourself down. What you accomplished in itself is a big achievement! You set your goal to attempt something and you did.. so be it that things didn't work out for you. This is how you learn. Maybe it just means that next time you will need a companion?

Once again I think 9 days and 90 miles on your own is a great milestone in itself.

Good luck in your future endeavors!”

“Don't sweat it. You tried and that's what's important. Like you said, it's just postponed. Just take mental notes on the experience and use it for ammunition for round two. You can either turn the situation into two things: regret, or a learning experience. The second option is always the best option. :-)”

“I agree with Treebait, Adventurist and Artex.

Simer - ultimately you were traveling for yourself, if you kept going just because of other people it would have been truly foolhardy.

You tried something new - and it didn't work out the way you planned. I'm glad you stayed felxible and did what you needed to do. Be proud of having the courage to try something new and the wisdom to change course when it made sense.

There are far worse things than swallowing your pride. I'm sure your family will appreciate the help with the move.”

“i think 90 miles in 9 days is a grand acheivment. i am proud of you. let's hear a trip report soon. bet you got some good pics too. nothing to be ashamed of aT all...”

“Good thing granola doesn't expire.”

“Don't be so hard on yourslef there are lots more hills and mountains to climb before you time is up on this earth so keep your head up and keep on trying!

8)”

“Simer, what you did was a lot more than most of us even think about. Give yourself credit. I think the lonliness will get to me too. To not be able to go alone isn't a weakness, it's a strength, a strength that truly shows how much you care about your friends and how much they care about you. I just hope you can find the right someone to accompany you and before you know it, you'll be back out there again, most likely with higher goals and dreams than you started with. Good Luck!!!”

“i take it you tried a thru hike of the AT or one of our countrys other grand trails? good for you. it took ambition and vision just to plan it and attempt to carry it out. i have a friend who did about half of it, northbound, and he was never lonely becuz he fell in with a group that he made friends with. next time, buy yourself a phonecard and make weekly calls to friends and family til you get used to being alone. write lots of letters. go out of your way to make friends on the trail. and you didnt let anybody down. not even yourself. you tested your limits, which is what more than most of us do. you stepped way outside of your comfort zone, and you should be proud of yourself for that.”

“I'm kinda glad i'm not out in the middle of nowhere tonight anyway, cold and rainy, though usually it would hardly phase me, i'd be cozy in my sleeping bag.

It's hard to deal with the fact that I'm at home and not on the trail tonight, but I know I learned a lot from my experience, and plan to use that information in my future. I will finish my journal entries soon, and get them up on my web page.

It will be comforting to lay in my own bed... well, own house anyway... tonight as i begin to plan my future.

Thanks everyone for the positive comments, it helps a lot, i'll try not to get down on myself too bad, I just never imagined i'd be sitting here right now... Now I have the future to look forward to, and new experiences, I know it will all work out eventually.”

“At least you know when to quit.

You know the funny thing about regret is...that it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done.

And who knows, you'll probably end up doing something else that you are glad you got the chance to...something you wouldn't have got to do if you had proceeded with your plans.”

“And if you see your mother be sure to tell I said....SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!

Sorry, Butthole Surfers reference.”

“But seriously now...

Simer this isn't a failure it's a learning experience. You learned a valuable lesson about yourself.

Think on this. The majority of people who attempt a thru-hike of the AT bail out at Neels Gap. About 30 miles up the trail. You've done much more than that.”

“and you seemed like such a normal person when i met you, hmp

:)”

“I'm prefectly well adjusted.”

“Yeah.....right!
Hey how's your disease?

Simer. Live and learn. Don't feel too down. It is ok to acknowledge not meeting a goal. But the point of this life (I think) is to learn and be true to yourself. You've done that, good job!”

“If I was alone, I wouldn't have made it as far as you did. At your age, you accomplished quite a bit. It takes a lot of maturity that mostly comes with age and experience to succeed at something like that.

What you learned about yourself is worth all you will go through agonizing over not meeting your original goal.

Don't stop from making your next goal. Don't wait too long before you do.”

“it's fine Simer. A first time big decision. Not what you wanted, but you did what you needed to.

We all make such decisions. I just made an uncomfortable one, but I'm thinking it will turn out just fine.

I just turned down a nice, cushy job paying big $$. But, ultimately, it wasn't what I wanted to do. I could have been an editor/writer at an agricultural publication, doing articles on seeds and tractors. Which I could do..... but I'd much rather be off on a flexible schedule, chasing down the crazy stories of good, ole community journalism.

It will work out well, I think. The woman to whom I wrote my letter declining the job said she would most likely use me to do freelance profiles of seed companies when I travel for trips. (She said she would... the hedging is on my end, not wanting quite to believe that stroke of luck until it happens.) That would readily help pay for some backpacking and vacation transportation. :-)

See, I was thinking I could keep my current job and increase freelancing. A second sign from above is the letter that came in the mail the day after my decision.

I had managed to be a snot to a freelancer at Backpacker mag, someone I hoped could almost be a mentor. Was I ever a dolt!! He wrote me a somewhat "short" (as in slightly less than even tempered) e-mail, but in Feb. called me to apologize for doing that.

I didn't get a chance to really talk to him then, to apologize cuz **I** had truly been the jerk.

Anyhoo... had no contact with him since. But in the mail, the day after I turned down the job, I got a letter from him with some photocopied pages on the best advice he'd ever read on how to query a magazine editor, on what goes on in their minds and in their offices. It was good, some stuff I'd never considered.

Amazing!!! I feel the signs point to a good decision on my part.

Also, Simer..... e-mail me, it's on my profile. We gotta get you hiking or biking on that Root River Trail. Or maybe ya wanna try geocaching? Just write... I just spent a good portion of Saturday in Lanesboro environs, covering festivities dedicating Highway 16 as a National Scenic Byway....”

“Always wanted to complete a PhD at University of Chicago. Well, I finally did it 12 years after I started, cuz I had to work and that meant I could only do the graduate student stuff part-time. Eventually I made it with a few 'turn-offs' on the trail. Best.”

“Lol HPM... As I too was/am a BS fan, the regret phrase I wrote is word for word from Sweatloaf.
However, the wisdom is so true and they are words I've lived by for a long while now.”

“Just be thankful you are not me.

Alone all the time.”

“Simer, you tried something many of us never have (including myself). I've never lived by myself, hiked and camped or backpacked solo. You got a taste of it. It's okay if you didn't like it. Save all the plans you made for that trip for another time, when there's a friend or someone special to share the experience with. Or try it solo another time.

It's a good thing to listen to yourself and turn back when needed.”

“Don't sweat it simer. Some people really love bing alone and some people really don't. Just go to lunch with a friend and celebrate the fact that you've leared something very important about yourself.”

“I'm quite dissappointed in myself, and realize that I've let a lot of people down - simer19

Simer - You didn't let ANYONE down. Just trying to do what you did is more than 95% of the people. Loneliness is a very powerfull emotion.”

“Thanks everyone, I need the words of encouragement. It was nice to hang out with my friends last night, I look out the window and know i'd be miserable this morning, alone, in the cold, rainy weather...”

“Simer, you never would have known this wasn't for you if you hadn't tried it. Don't kick yourself. Just the opposite, give yourself all the credit in the world for being able to make the decision you made by REAL first hand experience!”

“I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."
-- Thomas Edison”

“When things don't work they way you want them to, you return home and try again some other day. Life is like that sometimes.”

“I was right, it was a virtual hike.”

“Simer, DO NOT FEEL BAD.
You did the smartest thing in the world.
It sucks to have to bail on a trip, but it was not your time.
I hope you will still be able to get out and do it. Remeber you have friends in the Northeast, so maybe if it works out a couple of your friends can meet you and keep you company on parts of your hike in the Norhteast.”

“I dunno.
As a high school teacher, I feel compelled to chew you out for being a "quitter". Frankly, I wonder if you gave it enough time - nine days isn't much.

Are you an "instant gradification" kinda guy? Just curious - no beef.

"Growing" is the primary objective of an undertaking such as you tried, and I feel you slighted the seed - you didn't allow the seed to germinate, much less grow.

Perhaps you underestimated the ebb and flow of emotions that one would anticipate while being alone most of the time. You could expect nine continuous days of depression or lonliness or whatever at any time during a months-long journey. Perhaps you simply experienced one of those spells at the onset instead of later. Who's to say that the tide wouldn't have changed the very next day?

I wonder if you didn't allow homesickness to run it's natural course...

Did you set a minimum number of days? If so, did you meet that minimum? Surely not, for nine days is awfully low for a minimum.

Strike back out soon. Real soon. Give yourself three weeks. You may have 14 days of agonizing misery, only to be overshadowed by a sudden change - a "growth spurt", if you will.

This is something that you're not accustomed to. It will be like nothing you've ever experienced. Don't let it scare you - face it.

Adjust.

"Acclimitize".

$.02”

“Yeah, don't beat yourself up, Simer. A through hike hike is not easy in the best of circumstances, and doing it solo is quite a task. Nine days solo is plenty. I have been on many hikes and climbs when I have asked myself "Am I enjoying this?" If the answer is no, its time to go home.

There will be plenty more trips, and next time you try a thru hike of a big trail, you will be much better prepared. Get out and go hiking as soon as possible!”

“Interesting ideas, gojo. When I left home to go to the "big university," I recall wanting to up and quit and go home my freshman year. But I didn't. And soon enough was so glad I hadn't.

Just another take on it.....”

“Nice try bro! It sounded pretty tough, but ya made the right decision. Be sure to get your mail drop stuff forwarded, and hang in there!”