How is this old fart still alive?

“So how does this old fart stay out of the old folks home? When my grand pappy started talking gibberish about how coffee companies are rippin’ us off cause we’re getting less but paying more, or he’d start going on and on about how hard everything is to open today, or like tonight why do men tie pieces of cloth around their necks? We put the old fella in a home where he could be watched and observed around the clock so he wouldn’t hurt anyone. Rooney? They stick him on TV and hope his rantings are relevant to someone…anyone. While these inane ramblings are cute in small doses, it’s when Grand pappy (and Rooney) start thinking they know everything about the world and start talking about Iraq and Israel and things on the other side of the world that we ask him, “Grandpappy, did you take your crazy pills today?”.

So what keeps Rooney so damn relevant? The fact his audience is as old as he is? I bet CBS keeps him on display behind glass with a sign over his cage saying, “Oldest living liberal”.”

“I thought this was gonna be about bob hope, seeing as how he just turned 100. nice guy, but hes not funny.”

“He is still ticking?????

8o”

“That's funny. The last time I saw Andy he was talking some bizarre buullshit about how the citizens of France owed him something. Isn't that a 'conservative' line?

He was bouncing up and down in his little chair, beginning to froth at the mouth, and... well, you know how they are.

Do you suppose he thinks he owes those Americans of African descent restitution for slavery as well?

Or do Andy and his 'conservative' pals want it both ways?”

“Nige, you just described my fathers' father. Old fart scottish knowitall.”

“WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush will seek $100 million over the next three years for his program to improve Americans' understanding of history.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/05/03/bush.history.ap/index.html


Now there's liberal for you. Spending $100 million taxpayer dollars so AMERICANS understand history. Guess he wants Americans to appreciate his diplomatic tour de force in the middle east at re-election time.”

“what does that have to do with andy rooney?”

“How is he still on TV? Entertaining not.”

“maybe you just dont get it”

“Rooney ceased being entertaining years ago. Now he's one of the loudest carps out there.”

“And the old know-it-alls are so different from the young know-it-alls...how?”

“SSDD, SSDA”

“They old ones are wrinkled.”

“Guy wires and epoxy, but he'll fall down one day!”

“Hey, if you're talking about Mary Martin playing Peter Pan, do you still call 'em guy wires?”