TownDawg Meets Britney Spears!

“well kinda.. :).. I was in Kentwood LA getting some gas for the rental car.. and figured -- what the heck.. so after a little bit of getting directions.. there I was.. looking at the house where Britney used to live..

Jamie Spears on the mailbox, and its a nice house. Brick, with a new car in the driveway.. and I swear -- I think that was Britney Spears playing on the CDs inside.

Anyways.. after a little bit of sitting their beside the house.. I figured what the heck.. might as well walk up and knock on the door.. which I did.. No one answered.. but Jamie came driving up in a golf cart, and after a moment or two of saying hi -- we proceeded to have a nice conversation of how he has continued to try to live a normal life.. and in fact was cooking crawfish next door at his shop -- which he did most every Friday and Saturday.

Nice guy!!.. Very cordial, and understanding. I asked him if folks show up at all hours of the night, and he said that so far so good.. people are friendly, and just curious.

He asked me where I was from, and I told him Nashville, and he said he liked that town, and had been there several times -- since his dad had been in Vanderbilt Hospital there.. I expressed my condolences, but he smiled and told me that his dad was doing fine now.

I talked for a few more minutes, thanked him for his time, shook his hand, and headed on down the road.”

“Have you washed your hand, yet? :-)”

“Stalker!”

“Creepy.

I never understood celebrity worship, but Brittany Spears?

You are one sick bastard.”

“"Stalker!"
Buddha Bear
06:29:42 AM


Can see the headline now,

"Dawg Dogs Brittany"
More On Page 6"”

“Not meaning to change the subject but what else is new on here :), did anyone see the final Cher performance that she did for TV a few weeks ago. Now I realize she has had quite a few nips,tucks etc but damn she still looked good for a 50+ yr old woman.”

“Give the guy a break, its only puppy luv.

Ewker you are right, cher does look like she spent a million bucks... :O”

“I am not too sure I would have attempted it after reading this .”

“TD stalking Britney Spears's FATHER.
What's wrong with this picture? ;)”

“lmao.. oh my gosh.. heh.. he didn't tell me about that!!”

“If I met Brittany Spears or her father, I don't think I would admit it.”

“Hope TD didn't have drool running down his chin at the time.”

“"I am just trying to live a normal life, so I really like it when strangers come and knock on my door."”

“ROFL!

LOL!


AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!@!!!


MY SIDES!!! OH GOD MY STOMACH!!!1

HEHEHEHEH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

“Good afternoon sir, I'm a dirty old letcher and I lust after your teenage daughter ...”

“then Towndawg can pull out the picture of him wearing that lacy pushup bra and ask her Dad, think Britney would like this pic of me, I wore it just for her :)”

“You guys.. my gosh.. lol.. I figured why not.. it ain't like I made some pilgrimage to her house.. lol.. but hey.. go ahead.. have fun.. at least I am giving some other TT'er a rest.

:)

By the way.. I was considering an event at Tc3 I have heard about, and seems to be having some success at local fairs and stuff.. It's basically a liar's contest, where you tell this great story.. except it ain't true.. but it has to sound real??

What do you think, would it go over with TT'ers to have a contest like that at some point at tc3?”

“Liars on TT?”

“Say it aint so, Joe.”

“So you made this up?”

“What? are you going to tell us you made the whole Brittany Spears thing up?”

“Invite all the trolls...”

“I bet if I got the chance to bang Brittany Spears, Susan would let me. I'd prolly have to let her have a shot a Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) though.”

“hmmmm, and the conversation takes a whole different turn...... next?”

“NEW YORK - Online casino Golden Palace has spilled $5,001 for Britney Spears’ alleged home pregnancy test.

“It’s hard to put a price on Britney Spears’ urine,” Golden Palace spokesman Drew Black told The Associated Press Wednesday.

Golden Palace says it purchased the test from Ottawa radio station Hot 89.9, which insists the test was retrieved from the trash outside Spears’ Los Angeles hotel room months ago. The station didn’t leak news of the test until Spears and husband Kevin Federline revealed her pregnancy to the public last month.

“We don’t know for certain, of course,” said Black. “Obviously, it’s her alleged pregnancy test. I wasn’t there when she took the test.”

Golden Palace saw some buzz potential in the baby-making analyzer.

“When we saw this particular item was up for grabs, we knew it was something we wanted to have to add to the collection of oddities we’ve amassed over the past several months,” said Black.

Other off-the-wall items owned by Golden Palace include a sandwich resembling the Virgin Mary, a Doritos chip that looks like the Pope’s hat and a haunted cane.

continued...”

“Maybe they will change the name of the casino to "Golden Shower"”

“The whole idea of someone trash diving for
a celebs' preg test is sick . . sick . .
sick . .”

“GROSS!!!!!!”

“I'm pretty sure it was TownDog that did the dumpster diving.”

“Hmmmm, maybe that Q-tip I scored at the Cher concert last year is worth something.”

“gEeez thanks Violin.. love that vote of confidence..

”

“"The station didn’t leak news of the test..."

Ha!”

“Personnally, I think they just pissed away their money
last edited: 5/05/05 3:51:52 PM”

“I'm sorry hyway. They bought the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich and you think they are foolish with money?”

“Only $5000.00? The casino owners got that back from the free advertising.”

“My daughter is a freshman in college now. Several of her English assignments have been to retell a story. Our family seems to have no shortages of great stories to retell. I really think the annual Christmas tree pilgimage is a better story, but I thought some of you might get a good laugh out of her retelling of the TownDawg meets Britney story.

Scavenger Hunt

I really needed some coffee. My first thought when I stepped off the plane ride was as simple as that. I was set to stay in Louisiana for a short while, so I made arrangements for a rental car and headed to the nearest gas station in search of mocha goodness. “Welcome to Kentwood, Louisiana.” I read the sign out loud, and questioned its significance to me. Where had I heard that before? I continued driving, and then it dawned on me. I was in the hometown of Britney Spears! I knew then that I must find her, and that I wouldn’t rest until my search was complete. This being said, I pulled in the first gas stations, and purchased some coffee.

“Isn’t this the home of Britney Spears?” I asked the cashier.

She stared at me blankly, and I decided that she most likely wouldn’t know Elvis if he walked right in the door. I got back in my car, and drove off past some railroad tracks. Kentwood wasn’t a very large town, and as far I saw there were no tourist signs pointing me in the direction of Miss Spears’ house. I’m from Memphis, and where I’m from we at least assist visitors in finding celebrity homes. I had grown accustomed to giving out directions to eager visitors who wanted a glimpse of the homes of their favorite musicians. I soon realized that this was no Graceland, and I wasn’t going to be finding any sort of sign directing me on my merry way.

I continued on with my search. I turned up stones, tree stumps, and sticks in search of any hint as to where her home could be found. Not really, but I did stop to ask a few more locals. No one seemed to have any idea about who Britney was, and certainly not where she lived. Driving along, I started to convince myself that I had being going about this all wrong. The townspeople were smarter than I took them for. They had banded together to ward off all the curious tourists from poking in this little town. Excited with my new theory, and obviously ignoring its purpose, I walked into the next store.

“Excuse me, do you know where I could find the home of Jamie Spears?” I questioned the cashier. The man eagerly nodded, and I felt pleased with my knowledge of celebrity families.

“Just go up the road a little more, turn by the brick church, and then it should be the second house on the left.” The man offered.

I took his directions, and eventually wound up in front of a mailbox that plainly stated “Jamie Spears”. I stopped and admired the nice, new car in the driveway. I decided that since I was there, I might as well go ahead and knock on the door and see if anyone was home. I headed up the sidewalk, admiring the nice house. I hesitated for a moment, and to this day I swear that I could hear one of Britney songs playing in the house. I got up some nerve, and I knocked on the door.

No one answered, and I sadly retreated back to my car. I felt defeated, but I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting anyways. Did I think that I was going to get a private concert by Britney herself? Was I expecting a tour of her home? Next thing I knew, my thoughts were interrupted by Jamie driving up in a go-kart.

“Can I help you?” asked Jamie.
“Yes, are you Jamie Spears?” I said.
“Yes, can I help you?” said Jamie.
I then realized that I probably appeared to be the world’s biggest pervert, and I apologized for coming up on his driveway. We then proceeded to have a conversation about how he has continued to have a normal life despite the publicity, and right now he was cooking some crawfish in his shop. He said most people are friendly, but they had dealt with a few creeps in the past. Eager to avoid being one of those, I chatted for another minute and then thanked him for his time.

Looking back, I’m glad I made that trip. No, I didn’t get to meet Britney. However, her family (or at least the portion I met) seemed very nice. I had a good time with my scavenger hunt. Who knows? Maybe soon I’ll go looking for Jessica Simpson!


================

There's a few corrections I passed along to her..

made arrangements for a rental car and headed to the nearest gas station

Might not matter, but Kentwood LA is a pretty good drive from New Orleans.. ;) -- 87.7 miles, 1 hour 49 mins - You might want to rewrite it slightly?


pulled in the first gas stations, and

There was ONE. Literally one as I pulled off the interstate.


drove off past some railroad tracks.

From the gas station, you drive back UNDER the interstate, and then cross some railroad tracks as you finally come into Kentwood.


go up the road a little more, turn by the brick church, and then it should be the second house on the left.

It's a right turn to get on the right street, the church is sitting on the corner as you turn.. you go down a little bit.. passing not much of nothing.. then as the road curves to the left, Britney's house is onthe right. The place where Jamie was is on a hill on past the house, still on the right.. I thought I was looking at a mechanic's truck garage when I looked up at it. I didn't realize it was Jamie's hang out. I wonder what he did for a living before all this? Maybe he WAS a mechanic?


admiring the nice house

It looked a lot like the house that Carol Bethshears used to live in. One story, flat ranch house, and nice, but not expensive.


driving up in a go-kart.

golf cart, as you already know from last night.


cooking some crawfish in his shop.

Said he usually has a few friends over every weekend.. they eat.. watch the game.. even offered did I want to hang out and get a bite, but probably contradicts your story a little if he sounds too friendly.


A really really nice job though. I told her that "You can change any of it if you want based on my suggestions -- but it's fine if you don't. I was just pointing out a few details in case you wanted to make it even more accurate, since it's a true story."”

“The Tree Sent From Heaven

The day after Thanksgiving many families can be found eating leftovers, watching family movies, or just simply recovering from the previous day. I hear that some families even use this day as an extra day to bond with one another. Well, my family partakes in the bonding as well. The slight difference is that my dad won’t be found devouring the leftover turkey and cranberry sauce. Instead, my dad is typically found polishing up the ol’ chainsaw.

No, my dad isn’t attempting to start his own killing spree. My dad is the leader of the family outing we take every year on this day. We chop down our very own Christmas tree. Now, this isn’t an ordinary tradition. With my family, this is serious business. Every year my mom, my dad, my brother, and I spend day the scouting out and eventually chopping down what we refer to as “the chosen one”. This year was no different.

Of course this wasn’t a one day excursion. For weeks we warmed up by scouting out the best back roads in search of the tree. The tree that would be placed in the living room in all it’s glory.
“That one’s good”, I said. (As usual, I was the one eager to be done with the whole thing.)

“I don’t care”, said my brother. (He’s a lawyer, and usually difficult and annoying to me.)

“Wal-Mart still has some very pretty ones!” said my mother who isn’t a big fan of this particular tradition.

“We’re NOT getting a fake tree!” said my dad as he abruptly stopped his truck.
All of this was fairly typical. So was the uniform we all shared. My dad insisted that each of us sport an orange vest so that we didn’t get shot. My dad also insisted on accompanying a rifle with his chainsaw in the chance of a deer sighting, so go figure.

“Stop the truck!” exclaimed my brother.

I’ll just go ahead and admit it that it annoyed me my brother had already spotted the tree. My brother, Christen, is the typical overachiever and annoys me half the time I’m around him. As I said, he’s a lawyer. He always thinks everything he does is right and better than those around him. Needless to say, his accurate finding of the tree with “the glow” didn’t help his ability to annoy me at all.

“Jordan, hurry and grab my chainsaw”, said my dad.

If I didn’t know better I’d think my dad thought the tree was going to run off at the sight of us coming upon it. Not that I would blame the tree, because a chainsaw seems like a bad way to go. I obeyed and grabbed the chainsaw. My dad is a burly kind of fellow and I don’t make any attempts to piss him during the season. All of us took turns leaping over the barbwire fence, and then each took turn ignoring the “Private Property” sign.

“Oh come all ye faithful, cause we just stole your tree”, I sang out. (I enjoy using my inability to carry a tune to annoy those around me.)

My dad began sawing away at the marvelous tree that stood before us. I didn’t really find much special about it, to be honest. It was just a tree, and not much more to me. I stayed off in my own world, and didn’t pay much attention to what was going on around me.

“Dad, you need to push the tree a little more”, offered my brother.

As usual, Christen felt the need to “offer” his assistance. I stood off to the side, quietly whining about my brother and his perfection. Suddenly, a miracle happened. I believe on that day the heavens opened and I was granted a miracle. I heard the crunching sound of the tree falling over. I glanced over and watched in awe as the miracle occurred right before my eyes.

“Christen, are you okay?” questioned my mom and dad.

The tree had indeed fallen on my brother. I couldn’t believe my luck. I’m not exactly vicious, but this was a moment I knew that I would never forget. I stood there in excitement, and didn’t say much as I watched my dad move the tree from my brother. Of course Christen was okay, and I was glad because as much as he bothers me I don’t really think death by way of a fallen tree is the best way to meet your maker. However this moment is what made one of my least favorite family outings so wonderful.

Fortunately, that was the last time we got to all go out and chop down the tree together. My mom eventually won out and convinced my dad that it’s much cleaner to actually purchase a tree. I hate to admit it, but I think I miss our little adventure. I might suggest a return of it this year, for old times sake.”

“-- and if i post any more.. I'll have to stop this.. and go to the bragging on my kids thread.. so I'll shut up.. just thought you'd enjoy the laugh.”

“bored at work eh”

“naw.. headed to a meeting.. had a minute.. have to run now though.. ttyl.”

“-- Britney Spears files for divorce from her husband Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences.

Now is your chance Towndawg!”

“suckers...”

“Hey do her for x number of years...get $10 mil? Wow seems like the John Kerry of the musical set (LOL)”