Business BS Bingo

“Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5"x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competencies
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* take that off-line
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULL#&%!$!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Business Bull#&%!$ Bingo" players:
* "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won."
- Jack W., Boston
* "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."
- David D., Florida
* "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win."
- Bill R., New York City
* "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G., Denver
* "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL#&%!$!' for the third time in two hours."- Kathleen L., Atlanta
* "I fell asleep while reading the e-mail." Brian M., Philadelphia”

“Another great one from the Cap'n. I'm already translating it into French. Nothing beats a teachers' meeting for stupid terms and Bullsh.... Not even the five years I spent at TPC (the 'phone company - have you seen 'The President's Analyst'? don't miss it). Way kewl.”

“Have you heard the newest buzzword in business? "Intel". As in "intelligence". As in, "we need to get the intel on this part of the proposal". Grrr! How stupid!

BTW, I have actually made up bingo cards for staff meetings with my co-worker, secretly of course from our boss. The "free" sqare in the middle was "whatnot". My boss used to say that about every 5th word.”

“I always liked this quote:

"Stay off gobbledygook language. It only fouls people up... Anyone using the words 'activation' or 'implementation' will be shot."

--Maury Maverick (whoever that is...)”

“That's pretty funny.

I saw the same basic idea in a Simpsons comic book my kids had years back. Bart had a "teacher bingo" game and it had phrases like - "I'm not starting class until I have everybody's attention." Bart anounced that it was available in a parent's version too.”

“I have a conference call with our Corporate legal department and a D.C. lawfirm once a month on our Government Services Administration project.

Someone would "bingo" that call in about 2 minutes.”

“Ouch.”

“yep,,,I call it my "tylenol call"”