Okay jokes according to Tilt

“I found some more jokes that are from Rodney Dangerfield. I thought we'd share stuff from Tilts buddy.


Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room... hmmm equating egyptian culture and science with poop.”

“I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!

What a class act!!”

“and still more...

June 5
I tell ya, this girl was fat. She asked me why my eyes were bulging. I told her, "You're standing on my foot!"


June 2
This girl was ugly. I took her to a dog show. She won.

June 3
This girl was ugly. I took her to a plastic surgeon. He added a tail.

June 4
This girl was ugly. I took her to the beach. The tide went out and stayed there.

June 6
I tell ya, this girl was no bargain, she was fat. When she walks backwards, she starts beeping!


June 14
I like southern girls. They talk so slow, by the time they say no - I made it already!”

“8)”

“LMAO..too funny”

“You're acting more like a child than a parent.”

“Now if we can just find a Dangerfield joke that made fun of the French the flood gates can be opened! LOL!

You're a great parent Birch and I just know your daughter will get a very good sense of humor from you.”

“You need to take another run at that one, boys. Your logic is stretched mighty thin... and spitefulness isn't very flattering.


Speaking of generations, things do change, gradually. I grew up in a house full of bigotry and I overcame it, mostly. A stray thought like that still crosses my mind once in a while, but I recognise how hateful and wrong it is.

That's the first step, isn't it? One has to recognise the problem if one is to ever have any hope of correcting it.


I always wondered (and still do)... if we are charged to love our neighbors as ourselves, why are our places of worship so segregated? What's wrong with that picture... ?”

“LOL at the parent/child thing!!

Tilt you hate fat woman as much as I hate the french (or anyone) which is to say ZILCH. You are willing to compromise your own standards and say stuff that may offend others,just as I am and others do. I intend no malice,just as I am confident you dont when jokes are told. I refuse to take life too seriously and reserve the right to poke fun at others and in return I expect to be poked fun at,its called humor.

Regarding churches...

People worship where they feel comfortable. If thats in a Chinese,or Black or Hispanic church then so be it. I think it adds richness to Amercica to have a multitude of Churches, not just one (like The anglican church in England in the past). Not worshiping with your neighbor isnt a sign of hatred or dislike. Jeeze, stop lookin for the boogey man Tilt.”

“LMAO Birch!”

“the french still stink...”

“They're not real big on personal hygiene...”

“You don't have to look very far do you?”

“I got one....

Two Irish guys walk out of a bar!

(hey, it could happen)”

“Tilt... my grandfather who was a minister in Texas at a time when most white churches were hugely resistant to integration told this joke:

A pious uneducated young black man lost his small plot of land in the depression and had to move to Austin where he took a job as a care taker at a fine house. He was happy because there was a large church of his denomination right nearby. Sunday, he put on his finest clothes, shined his shoes and went to church. It was all white.

When services ended, he stood in line with everyone to shake the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and went home.

That week, the deacons in the church came to the minister to complain about the black worshipper. They let the minister know that donations and support for the minister would dry up if he didn't do something.

Next Sunday, the minister pulled the black man aside after services and asked him if he had looked into other churches in the area and suggested that he seriously consider the possibility that he would be more comfortable in another church.

Several weeks later, the black man returned to the Church and the congregation was up in arms. People complained bitterly to the minister, so he visited the man at the mansion where he worked.

He explained that this wasn't the right church for him, that he would be much happier and the congragation would be happier if he went to another church that suited him better. The black man said he was confused, didn't they all believe in the same God and the same Jesus Christ who died on the cross for them? Wasn't this the same denomination he had been in.

The minister was flustered. He had misgivings about what he was doing. He put his hand on the mans shoulder and said, "I know this is difficult. But you'll have to trust me, this really is for the best. I pray the Lord will lead you to the right church. Pray to him for understanding and guidance."

Over the next few months, the minister was relieved not to see the man again. Donations increased and the Deacons thanked him for how he handled this.

One day, he ran into the young man downtown. The man smiled, "Hi Reverend." The minister stopped and said "I see your looking well. Did you find a church where you could be comfortable son?"
"Yessuh Reverend sir."
"And you feel at peace with what happened?"
"Yessuh, Reverend Sir. The Lord gave me peace with this."
"So you prayed for guidance and understanding?"
"Yessuh Reverend Sir. I prayed to the Lord and told him I was hurt and confused, and he tole me that your church had never wanted him there, so for me not worry none that they didn't want me neither."”

“What the hell brought about this cat fight? Birch, Tilt - you both lose.”

“yeah, I've had enough of defending the French too.”

“I am always pleased when I see black people attending my church. It is true, there aren't many, and that is sad on one level. But as Birch said, it is not about prejudice, it is about culture. A church is a combination of religion and culture. Just because two groups of people share the same faith doesn't mean that their preferred method of expressing and celebrating that faith will be the same.”

“yow.

Mixing race relations and religion can be like mixing up a batch of nitroglycerin. I can't wait to see how this thread might progress... <yikes>

LOL”

“Tilt...you are the one who asked the question, right?”

“...and by the way, I don't know anything about what is going on between you and Birch...I just responded to your specific question and Birch's reply.

Peace.”

“ze french zey still stink!”

“Okay, let's throw jokes about old people in the mix too. Evidently I'm evil for having made a joke about nursing homes.”

“Yah Mutt, you should be ashamed of youself. Me too cause I posted a thread about old people.”

“Yes I did, Fritz. Just wondering out loud, I guess. As a churchgoer (if I recall correctly), don't you wonder about that too, sometimes?

Yeah, Mutt. Speaking out against bigotry around here might be a lost cause. It seems to only be bringing the other bigots out of the closet, recently. Do they feel that kind of behavior is tolerated on this site... even encouraged? I don't think that's the sort of thing Matt would condone. I really don't think he wants Trail Talk to get that kind of reputation.”

“Speaking out against bigotry around here might be a lost cause

Well, with intolerant christofascist assclowns like birch around, you're probably right.”

“Tilt, I am an occasional churchgoer, and yes, sometimes I wonder. But in all sincerity...with respect to the churches I have attended, I am 100% comfortable with the explanation I already gave.

And Mutt, which is it--the weakness of your position, or the weaknesss of your intellect--that leads you to such name-calling?
(Or, I suppose it could be just laziness, but in any case, it doesn't strike me as a positive contribution to the discussion.)”

“And yet tilt still claims no bigotry towards fat chicks for the jokes he told? I guess it's a one way street.”

“"intolerant christofascist assclowns like birch"...Holy crap Mutt! That is one of the most creative insults I have had hurled my way. LOL!! I am still chuckling.”

“What the heck is an ass clown?”

“Gotta admit it, assclowns is a pretty good one. Assbag is my personal favorite. Another great insult I heard the other night was, "You look like someone hit you in the face with a bag of hot nickles.".”

“LOL @ Nigal!!!

" Do they feel that kind of behavior is tolerated on this site... even encouraged? I don't think that's the sort of thing Matt would condone. I really don't think he wants Trail Talk to get that kind of reputation."

Tilt, that is a fine question to ask yourself. Perhaps Matt did have fat girl jokes in mind when he set up this site. Maybe when you get some time you could look at the way YOU are treating people, like calling southerners goobers, or calling other TTers scumbag or making of-color Jew/presbytarian jokes.

You must be a fine dancer cause the lateral arabesque you do is amazing. You waffle like a politician.”

“LOL at Birch - well done.

The french still stink.”

“There does appear to be some very juvenile behavior exhibited in this ongoing tiff. I don't think that an occasional joke aimed at one race, religion, age group or sex is bad, but a determined onslaught of negative or nasty comments relative to one ethnic group is bigotry and I don't like it. I certainly don't believe that it belongs on this public forum. I am Irish, British, French and German with a few drops of blood from other groups, and I don't get offended by a joke aimed at one of my groups. But a continued effort to bludgeon the reputation of any group does make me mad. It reflects badly on the person making the offensive too.

I think that we all are smart enough to know when joking goes too far and it is time to stop, or stop and apologize.”

“I think the difference is that Tilt admits he made a mistake when he posted those fat girl jokes...nobody else is really showing any remorse, no? Actually, they appear quite proud

hmmmm, anybody remember Tarp Rat? Didn't he leave this forum because he couldn't handle the bigotry?

Personally, I don't mind fat girl jokes, but short people jokes...grrrrrrr”

“nice people. In this world they are so far and few between *sigh*”

“You're all guilty and don't even know it!! You post to this site because you claim you like backpacking, but is it the real reason? This site is whiter than the background on my computer screen. Check out Phil's photo site, not a very diverse crowd is it? White, middle aged, middle class America would pretty much sum up everyone on this site. So please stop preaching about how more righteous you are then the next person, because my sides hurt from laughing so hard.”

“See that's just it. tilt brings it all on himself. Whenever he slurrs a group it's an "humorus observation". Whenever someone else does it they are a scumbag bigot. So of course the natural progression is going to be even more French bashing. I am very mild any more about the French because I know it takes so little to get him pissing his diapers.

I never claimed to not dislike any group but tilt does hold himself above everyone else. Kind of hard not to bein' up on that high horse all the time.”

“Lyndys, I can see your point. If my posts offended anyone , I sincerely apologize. My goal was simple, get tilt wound up. I will prolly continue to do so though(rile tilt that is). He is just too self-righteous for me. We all have our shortcomings. I dont preach at folks about stuff I struggle with. In turn if you are gonna advise me on how to live you better be d@mn sure that you are beyond reproach. I abhore hypocrisy. Clean your own yard before you even think of mentioning mine.

biz...Tilt did NOT admit squat when confronted with his hypocrisy. He passed the buck saying he was quoting a comedian. Thats why this thread exists, to show the quality and character of the stuff Tilt (Mr.Keepr of Virtue) finds humorous.

To quote an old song..." he cant even run his own life,I'll be d@mned if he'll run mine...."”

“hmmm, I never really saw his observations as high and mighty but a gentle reminder that bigotry is evil? I sort of thought it took some courage to post those reminders.
It takes a strong will to stand behind what you believe. For that, I guess I admire everyone who posts their opinions here.

Anyway, I gotta go build my backpacking sculpture now. Peace!”

“(it's going to made out of chapstick!)”

“Thats cool biz, you say potato I say hypocrite.”

“whatever happened to gay jokes?”

“"Clean your own yard before you even think of mentioning mine."

I love the house of pain reference!”

“Well dang!

I went to the baseball game and missed all the "fun"!


Anything I said about pudgy people or Frisbyterians was self-deprecating, LOL

I think I still have a baby picture on the office wall down at Covenant Presbyterian... and I could stand to lose 15 or 20 pounds (how's about you, Nige?). I may seem like a goober to some people after having lived in Georgia for nearly all of my 45 years <gasp>, but the 'goobers' I was refering to are the KKK types (if you recall).

I'm not a leper (at least not yet, I don't think) but I meant no harm.


Ya Know, contrary to what the 'Dewd' said on another thread,... I'm not related to any French people and I don't really Know any French people... I just don't like to see anyone being kicked around. That's all there is to it.”

“Thank G-d It's Almost Friday.

T minus thirty Seconds!

You poor suckers in Ohio and Michigan have to wait another hour...”

“Did you hear about the whore who became a poet? She went from bed to verse.”

“BOOOooooooooo! Hissssssssss!! <ARGH> LOL”

“MORAL DILEMMA

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you
pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that you can
carry only one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading...

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first; Or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your
perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the
car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my
dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

However, The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her
out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner against the bus
stop, then drive off with the old friend for some beers.”

“Somehow, that sounds like a tree whizzing on a dog.”