ATTENTION WOMEN-Please Read

“Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. ?Yes? and ?No? are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sports, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.”

“LOL!”

“Are you in a bad mood DUDE??? :~\”

“Are you bored?”

“A friend of mine e-mailed it too me. I thought it was too funny not to share.”

“WHERE'S SUSAN?? I'M TELLING!!”

“Will you be changing your name to walkindead?”

“He's just mad I didn't see him in his speedo.Aren't you Dude? :~ )”

“LOL!!!
Actually Susan got a kick out of it!


(BTW, I gotta sleep on the sofa tonight)”

“Sounds like you got the kick Dude..LOL”

“Columbus was lost....”

“Columbus was NOT lost. True, he was off the map and didn't know where he was, but that doesn't mean you're lost (does it guys?)”

“Good stuff, Dude! I especially liked #1...”

“Nice!”

“Yeah, let's hear it for number one. All of 'em!

Now I know why I am single! I ran out of couches!”

“It sounds like some of the women here thought that was a joke.


(...hey, I'm sleeping on the ground tonight already anyway)”

“Most of them are pretty much on, but they don't apply to every girl out there either. An "answer to the men" would be funny. Anyone seen that list?”

“I am sure it exists newgirl. I will look.”

“and no doubt contains as many stereotypes as this list does...”

“Here you go.

More RULES For All
you guys to follow

(you guys will get the hang of this soon *smiling*)
1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules can change without notice.

3. Males cannot know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects that the male knows ALL the rules she must immediately change SOME of the rules.

5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.

7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any giving time.

9. The male must NEVER change his mind without the consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.

14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.”

“Here is another.

30 Rules for Men to Follow


1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3. Don't say you understand when you don't.

4. Girls are petty, get over it.

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

8. Zit's happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.

10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.

12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.

16. We are drama queens.

17. Fashion police do exist.

18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out.

23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.

24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.

25. Don't compare our breasts with Britany Spear's, hers are fake.

26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.)

28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.

29. It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else.

30. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.”

“LOL! The 2nd one is good Wounded. Except 28. That doesn't apply to all girls.”

“1. That's what you think
2. so?
3. I don't understand.
4. true
5. I don't want to know what it's like
6. this goes both ways
7. uh...... no comment
8. NA
9. can you say "high maintaince"?
10. System? I got a factory tape player in my "ride".
11. No. My ex is a #&%!$
12. No it isn't
13. right back at ya
14. "Be spontaneous" Can you say "blow job"
15. no #&%!$!
16. Try Drama "Freak"
17. Maybe but I don't live in LA California
18. note the word "might".
19. then don't listen
20. let's include sex in that list too.
21. Sasquatch!!!
22. Wanna bet?!?!
23. "21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it."
24. Yes. It is.
25. So what's wrong with that?
26. Jealous?
27. whatever?
28. "1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out."
29. "11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig."
30. Rules are made to be broken.”

“I hate to bust you in front of the HMWHC but the rules that you started out the thread with were on The View this morning....hmmmmm! What were YOU doing watching The View? Hmmmmm?”

“2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

yeah so you talk dirty for a change. cause g-d damn that sh*t is funny!”

“Dude, you're busted !!”

“I don't even know what
"The View this morning" is.

I actually did hear Mad Max on John Boy & Billy quote the list about a year ago.


As I also said,

"A friend of mine e-mailed it too me. I thought it was too funny not to share."
walkindude
06:46:36 PM
07/31/03”