I like backpackers

“I like backpackers.

The pet store was selling them for 5¢ a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like backpackers.

I took my 200 backpackers home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the backpackers were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap backpackers.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead backpackers lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet backpacker and 199 dead, dry backpackers.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead backpacker in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two backpackers at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet backpacker in my toilet, two dead, frozen backpackers in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred backpackers in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my backpackers and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my backpackers. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like backpackers”

“Can somebody please give this man back his straightjacket?”

“a strait jacket and handcuffs please”

“A prime example of why one shouldn't do drugs.”

“What the FVCK!!?”

“LOL!

What? You guys don't like backpackers?!?!?!

Perhaps a different hobby would be in order?

;)”

“Isn't that something!”

“I understand they are quite nice with some fava beans and a nice chianti......”

“Good reading!!!!


8o---------------HFS!!!!!!!!!!”

“OMFG!That was almost as absurdly funny as that one with the guy that was harassing cyber-sex chicks”

“And I thought I was strange!!!!!


8o”

“I knew I'd seen this one in a little different form before. I wish I'd never read the entire internet. There is nothing new under the sun. *sigh*

http://www.planetproctor.com/1996/pp29.html”

“That had to be the funiest thing I have ever read.

Matt, can we get the extra strong straight jacket for this thread?”

“I only found it droll and stupid.”

“ugh, i want to say something but i don't know what it should be.
it doesn't surprise me it's not original.”

“I just WASTED 3 minutes of my life.

It's like watching a very bad movie, but you watch it till the end, hoping something exciting would happen.”

“Maybe I'm missing something, but I didn't understand it or think it was funny.”

“I thought it was funny. I enjoyed the story very much. Thanks for taking the lighter side of life.”

“I saw some humor in it. Not quite the brilliance I would expect from someone, say,,,,Buddha Bear, but a good attempt.”

“My Paul Revere remix for Lyra was much better than this trash.”

“that it was, BB! :-) this, i do not get.”

“I thought it was funny. ...punching each other in the genitals... LOL!!”

“crustBro is just amusing himself with his new found skill of cut and paste.”

“Well, it isn't the worst thing ever cut & pasted on this forum. Not ever honorable mention.”

“Actually, I think it is very funny, in a strange sort of way!”