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How engineers are different from other g uys
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“fuego must be slow today ;)
luckily i found a new one on ebay for $50...it's worth $50 to me not to have to fill up those GD ice trays”
“that was step 1: fanning the flames
step 2: someone steps in and makes it ugly (to xl's credit, i cant recall him ever making anything ugly)
step 3: i play along for awhile, then get sick of it, then call them on it
step 4: nigal calls me a poosy
step 5: nigal and i bicker for awhile
step 6: somebody backs down and we kiss and make up
“LOL...good reply crash, deny deny deny until the truth is obvious then blame the other side......”
“oh yea, i forgot, rhetoric
youre a good sport, xl. sorta like s-rge on happy pills”
“for the record, im sick of sheehan too. so whatta i do? i freakin ignore her”
“Crash, you pussie.”
“Hey man, sorry about that. It's all good.”
“Well I am pretty sick of the occupant of 1600 Penn....or most of his cronies.....Thats it....we need a hiking trip.”
“I LOVE YOU GUYS!”
“So, Crash, do you just say "Cindy, I'm ingnoring you", and then roll over and go to sleep?”
“but that doesnt always work cuz she puts her cold fcking feet on my back”
“good point CB, XL is sarge on goofballs”
“Don't know about Crash but I would be drunkenly standing there having just chewed off one arm to get away...and probably go ahead and chew the other arm off so it wouldn't happen again.”
“Thrifty, I seriously doubt that was an engineering decision. The bean counters make those kinds of decisions where I work.”
“Thrifty, I seriously doubt that was an engineering decision. The bean counters make those kinds of decisions where I work.
i know, just venting...besides, there is no "How Beancounters are different than everybody else" thread”
“Engineer, Wife or Mistress
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done!”
“talk about not taking responsibility: i heard about this lawsuit the other day on the radio. a woman bought a winnebago, put it on cruise control and went in the back to make a sandwich. the rv crashed and she got 3/4 of million dollars and a new rv out of it because the manual for the winnie didn't say you had to steer.”
In November 2000, Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he could not actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago.
Nope its an urban legend.”
“No dumbass - he was specifically refering to the woman who left it on cruise control while she went back and made a sandwich. Has your conservativism left you completely blind or just stupid?”
“Reverend, that's so funny I've got to go buy one of those big squishy bottles of cheap whiskey.”
“Rev...they are URBAN LEGENDS...as opposed to someone named TRUTH not knowing it....please leave a legal reference for the above charge of the "woman" unless you are one of those who feels the need for belittling women to make yourself feel better...”
“Hum, Rev having trouble seeing truth and accepting it? Yep, he's a liberal jackass.”
“It just occured to me that the unspoken premise of this thread is that engineers are only male. As a male and a non-engineer, I take this quite personally, since I believe women are entitled to be just as goofy as men.”
“Nimble is right...RARIN....
NOW WHO CAN ARGUE WITH THAT!....(Rarin) I am especially gland that these young children were here today to hear that. Becuase not only was it authentic frontier gibberish but it exhibited a spirit little seen in this day and time.”
“huh, one of the sirius stations i listen to gives a weird lawsuit on the air sometimes. i wonder if any of the other ones were fake.”
“I want to ask what Rarin means, but I'm not going to.”
“most of the parts are made in asia. . . which, incidentally, is the same place most of the trash / refuse goes to as "recycled"”
“You conserviberals are as dumb as a hammer full of bags.”
“Perhaps someone has posted this before. Even if so, it bears repeating.
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.”
“Y'all didn't like my engineer jokes?”
“Ruby, your engineer jokes ROCK!”
“Just an Ooops!
last edited: 9/01/06 7:04:20 AM”
“From my e-mail:
Thanks, enjoyed them. ... Pappy
Just what I needed to send to my engineer friends. ... Duchess”
“Nimble....you have NEVER watched Blazing Saddles?”
“LMAO @ Phil.”
“Speaking of engineer jokes, a while ago I remember E-mail circulating the "West Virginia Professional Engineering Exam." Any of you folks happen to have that one?”
“Yeah, it's probably a lot like the Pennsylvania one I saw a while back. ;-)”
“XL - is this about "RARIN"? I remember nothing of that, if so. I did watch Blazing Saddles and, more importantly, am eminently qualified to serve as a stunt man on one particular scene.”
“EE vs CS
Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a king summoned two of his advisors for a test. He showed them both a shiny metal box with two slots in the top, a control knob, and a lever. "What do you think this is?"
One advisor, an engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he said. The king asked, "How would you design an embedded computer for it?" The engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller, I would write a simple program that reads the darkness knob and quantizes its position to one of 16 shades of darkness, from snow white to coal black. The program would use that darkness level as the index to a 16-element table of initial timer values. Then it would turn on the heating elements and start the timer with the initial value selected from the table. At the end of the time delay, it would turn off the heat and pop up the toast. Come back next week, and I'll show you a working prototype."
The second advisor, a computer scientist, immediately recognized the danger of such short-sighted thinking. He said, "Toasters don't just turn bread into toast, they are also used to warm frozen waffles. What you see before you is really a breakfast food cooker. As the subjects of your kingdom become more sophisticated, they will demand more capabilities. They will need a breakfast food cooker that can also cook sausage, fry bacon, and make scrambled eggs. A toaster that only makes toast will soon be obsolete. If we don't look to the future, we will have to completely redesign the toaster in just a few years."
"With this in mind, we can formulate a more intelligent solution to the problem. First, create a class of breakfast foods. Specialize this class into subclasses: grains, pork, and poultry. The specialization process should be repeated with grains divided into toast, muffins, pancakes, and waffles; pork divided into sausage, links, and bacon; and poultry divided into scrambled eggs, hard- boiled eggs, poached eggs, fried eggs, and various omelet classes."
"The ham and cheese omelet class is worth special attention because it must inherit characteristics from the pork, dairy, and poultry classes. Thus, we see that the problem cannot be properly solved without multiple inheritance. At run time, the program must create the proper object and send a message to the object that says, 'Cook yourself.' The semantics of this message depend, of course, on the kind of object, so they have a different meaning to a piece of toast than to scrambled eggs."
"Reviewing the process so far, we see that the analysis phase has revealed that the primary requirement is to cook any kind of breakfast food. In the design phase, we have discovered some derived requirements. Specifically, we need an object-oriented language with multiple inheritance. Of course, users don't want the eggs to get cold while the bacon is frying, so concurrent processing is required, too."
"We must not forget the user interface. The lever that lowers the food lacks versatility, and the darkness knob is confusing. Users won't buy the product unless it has a user-friendly, graphical interface. When the breakfast cooker is plugged in, users should see a cowboy boot on the screen. Users click on it, and the message 'Booting UNIX v.8.3' appears on the screen. (UNIX 8.3 should be out by the time the product gets to the market.) Users can pull down a menu and click on the foods they want to cook."
"Having made the wise decision of specifying the software first in the design phase, all that remains is to pick an adequate hardware platform for the implementation phase. An Intel 80386 with 8MB of memory, a 30MB hard disk, and a VGA monitor should be sufficient. If you select a multitasking, object oriented language that supports multiple inheritance and has a built-in GUI, writing the program will be a snap. (Imagine the difficulty we would have had if we had foolishly allowed a hardware-first design strategy to lock us into a four-bit microcontroller!)."
The king wisely had the computer scientist beheaded, and they all lived happily ever after.”
Pennsylvania PE joke
“StoveStomper, I'm not sure you realize just whom you're dealing with. :)
I have four licenses from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania:
1. Professional Engineering
2. Water Operator
3. Wastewater Operator
4. Commercial Driver License with HazMat Endorsement
In order to renew each of these I need to:
1. Pay the fee.
2. Submit 15 hours of continuing education credit, a State Police criminal background check, and pay the fee.
3. Same as #2.
4. Pay the fee, retake the exam, get fingerprinted by the State Police, and pass a Homeland Security background check.
There! Proof that a P.E. knows everything already!
(The saddest thing about this joke...
“Nimble...the scene in the church following the Speech by Gabby Johnson....his supporting statements are RARIN or somthing like that.”
“I remember nothing after the fart scene (and little before).”
“LOL....the fart scene was one of those that HAPPENED...Mel Brooks could take any incident and make it work”
“I just knew I had potential to be a movie star.”
(P)=Pilot PROBLEM (E)=Engineer SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(E) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(E) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(E) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(E) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(E) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(E) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(E) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(E) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative [IFF-Identification Friend or Foe]
(E) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(E) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(E) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(E) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!
(P) Target Radar hums
(E) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics”
“I've seen that but it was ground crew and not engineer. I loved the one about aircraft handles funny.”
“The "Almost replaced left inside main tire" cracked me up.”
“I know it's been posted here before, but it's hilarious and I couldn't get Phil's link to play.
“as an optician i was able to pick out engineers 100% of the time. there is just something about engineers and their eyeglasses.”
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