Divorce Sucks

“Part time, Sarge.
Just waiting for my disability retirement to be approved.”

“LETTER FROM A LAW STUDENT
By Neal Boortz @ March 6, 2009 8:21 AM Permalink | Comments (78) | TrackBacks (0)
I'm bumping this up so it'll appear on today's Nuze since it got posted late during the show yesterday. Enjoy!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,

We've stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on what's right. So let's just end it right now while we can do it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.

So here's a model separation agreement.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a portion. That's going to be the difficult part, but I'm sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.

We'll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and we'll let you have NBC and Hollywood.

You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security. You won't have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.

We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars. You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is a privilege and not a right. We will keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to substitute in their place "Imagine." I'd like to teach the world to sing "Kumbaya" or "We are the world." We will practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J Wall

Law student and an American

P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda”

“LMAO....hahahaaaaaaaaaaa”

“Hey now, that's insulting Subaru.”

“Can I keep my Ford Escort?”

“http://vilad.150m.com/f03/ford-chicago.html

an escort named FORD we could all keep. (MAY BE NSFW)”

“ooooooo...like Harrison Ford...???
...hubba hubba!!!”

“LMAO”

“That's pretty damn funny... except the part about the Subaru station wagon, of course.”

“Who would be left for them to fund their forays?

Because none of them would want to pay taxes?”

“Who gets the retarded nephew (W. Bush)?”

“The same guys who will still be paying Haliburton the big bucks.”

“WOW...who signed Halliburton originally...oh thats right Clinton gave the first NO bid contract....”

“Cause Cheney held a shot gun to his back. Who ever thought he would actually shoot someone?”

“I think Clinton is the only politician with experience in shooting someone in the back...Sorry Ron Brown”

“You also forgot about who's going to fight your little wars?”

“the rednecks. its covered.”

“WOW...little war...HMM...yeah well the families of 3000 who died on 9/11 didn't think that.
last edited: 3/06/09 12:27:05 PM”

“xl, can't we keep some threads for fun. You don't have to respond knife for fist and gun for knife every thread”

“Yes he does. It's in the terms of participation I think.”

“Never knew divorce could be so fun! thanks for the laugh!”

““xl, can't we keep some threads for fun. You don't have to respond knife for fist and gun for knife every thread”
hyway
12:40:06 PM
3/06/09

This site is not about fun anymore. Time to chase and scare everyone away. Pussie libbies get out”

“Sorry hyway, I apologize for responding.”

“pussie”

“I know its like the kettle calling out the pot, but i've clicked off feugo for a hwile :)”

“Heeeere ya go!

http://www.motherjones.com/media/2009/03/books-purpose-driven-wife


Comments?”

““I know its like the kettle calling out the pot, but i've clicked off feugo for a hwile :)”
hyway
1:41:20 PM
3/06/09

pussie...you thinking about heading over to the other side? Too many liberal cry-babies over there.
last edited: 3/06/09 1:47:00 PM”

“My bad, I shuld have said unnecessary, dirty, little wars.”

“LOL..yeah heard that too many times.”

“No doubt. Reality bites, huh?”

“i have no problem with the personal attacks :) its the politics that gets redundent”

“good riddance. you can also keep your hate crimes, your kkk, your gas-guzzling suv's, your country music, your televangelists, your religious sheeple, your intelligent design, your biblical literalists (oh wait i already said religious sheeple), your ethnocentrism, your greedy ceo's (i cant believe you want them), your islam (after all, theyre even more conservative than you are), your bibles (interesting work of fiction, but ultimately of questionable merit)

and yes, i will keep my humanism, because, after all, when you boil it down to its essence, its all about following your conscience, if you wanna call that god, fine by me, but dont get high and mighty with me because you think youve got some bull#&%!$ higher calling. you dont. you have a placebogod

im not even going to go into the rest. im tired and its been a long day”

“oh, and we'll take the entertainment industry as well, since thats nothing but a bunch of stinkin commie libbie pinkos. you good ole boys can entertain yourselves sittin round the campfire making fart noises”

“Crash, I was going to be on your side until you banned farting. Come to think of it, you won't get Mapleaf either:)”

“that's right!!”

“LOL, great letter.

But the funniest was the "pussie" bit!!”