Divorce Sucks

“Twink, I know it takes two and I wasn't asking for any sympathy.

Instead of trying to get this settled I am having to waste my time on questions that don't have anything to do with the divorce.

Twink, since you worked for a lawyer you know what I am talking about”

“I wish you the best of luck and hope you get a fair conclusion.

Just think, when its over and done with - you can backpack to your hearts content - no one to answer too. :)”

“Ewker...yes...ya can just pack up & go backpacking anytime ya want..with whoever you want!!...it is great.....when I first started backpacking my ex said it was stupid.....I loved it...and I loved MY TIME to relax ...get away ....and just be me.......I backpacked once a month and then the most horrible thing happened....he got a pack and started backpacking.........
anyway........I am starting to enjoy being alone ....it takes time....and some nights were really hard.....but I have been a mother for 30 years...my kids are grown and they are good kids...and ya know what ??...I now can do whatever I want... and with who ever I want...whenever I want...wooohooo...& I like it!!!”

“I was fortunate...I landed on my 2 feet and found backpacking and eventually TT, which provided the friendship and companionship that makes hiking and backpacking better. I discovered canoeing and made some great friendships doing that...and the travel has been superb...but, I was lucky, for sure..

sounds kind of cliche...but, hang in there...stinky butt will be seeing you soon, and his neck is kind of stinky too.”

“Ewker, perhaps you should go to your soon to be ex and suggest that you will just about "give her the farm", if she can just agree with you and split things with some equity, and get rid of the lawyers who likely will end up with most everything.

Listen, it may grease the skids and get this over with. Sure, you may give her more than you want to, but with the lawyers gone, there will be more to "share". You'll end up with more, she'll end up with more, and the whole dirty business will be done with.

I know it is hard to remove the emotion, but put on a business face and execute this deal and get it over with. Hang on to the right to revoke any deals if the lawyers come back asking for more.

I was able to do just that. We were practically giving each other stuff, but I scored big time, as she was trying to appease a guilty conscience (she had a fellow on the side).

I agree with Sunshine, I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. Good luck buddy.”

“I had it made-my ex was too lazy to show up for any meetings. When I told him he needed to speak for himself he told me- to tell my lawyer to ( something I am not allowed to repeat) while holding his crotch. So I did what I thought was fair. $600 bucks later I'm free and have everything I worked for. This will not work if your married to a money grubber.”

“Ewker......LISTEN to your lawyer.......I didn't and I screwed up BIGTIME.......our lawyers seemed to be fighting and making things so difficult , so we decided to sit down with a good friend and figure everything up....he said If I didn't take half his retirement he would take all the outstanding debt....I agreed...and then he filed bankruptcy...and guess what...they came after me for the money.. I just wanted to be nice and only wanted what I deserved after 24 yrs of marriage......and now if I could do it over again I would have told my lawyer to GO FOR EVERYTHING...and maybe I would have gotten something....oh well hindsight...You are paying a lawyer.....let him DO HIS JOB.....he KNOWS the law and has seen all kinds of cases .....hey.....you could get my ex's lawyer ....she is a mean one.....”

“Nothing like finding out your
ex to be is using your daughter to do some of her dirty work. She has had her calling a couple of people I know asking them who they are & harassing them by calling more than once.

I have never said anything to my daughter about the divorce because I don't feel she needs to know but the spouse runs to her with anything. My daughter can't seem to realize I am divorcing her MOM NOT HER....grrrr”

“That's screwed up, Ewker! I would have to have a few choice words with your ex if I were you.”

“How old is your daughter? And wasn't it your wife that filed the papers?”

“Ewker,

A piece of unsolicited advice.


Always hold the high ground. Use dignity and patience with your children, never talk about your ex, and always communicate that you love them.

They may develop short term blindness, but in the long run, you will come out a winner.”

“Ewker.....ex's suck....divorces are a good thing sometimes....and did you tell your lawyer???

HUGS

one thing I learned..never to speak badly about my ex...your kids will thank you someday..mine did...they respect me for that...just let your daughter know all the facts,...someday they will understand....”

“oh man that is a major NO NO.
never ever use the kids.


Ewker, that is pretty low.

I tried my very best to shield my oldest daughter from the having to go through all that crap.

just stick to your guns and confront your ex ASAP before you lose your daughter to her.”

“Sorry to hear that Ewker. Divorce brings out the worst in some. Sounds like she's one of them. Kids old enough to understand should be informed only of the major events, not dragged through the process. Let alone used to execute hidden agendas.”

“Yea, I hear you, Ewker.
Happens to most of us men going thru it.
Just shows you which one of you cares about the KIDS.
It's very typical behavior for the wife to turn the kids into weapons. Sad, but true.
This too will pass. Your kids will return to you later.”

“Ewker, sounds like you do need to talk to your daughter about your family relationships.

Do not let your daughter only hear one side, you have to provide balance.

But...big but, do not say negative things about the (to be) Ex, she is your daughters mother.

Dragnet...just the facts, just the facts, but you gotta talk to her about all this.”

“It's very typical behavior for the wife to turn the kids into weapons.

hey, the husbands can too!”

“I heard one woman say it best…

”I never speak unfavorably about my ex husband in front of the kids. This will only serve to rob me of the joy when they figure out their dad is an a$$hole all on their own.””

“Keep in mind that divorce is very hard on the kids......maybe arrange for her to get some counseling.....someone to help her get thru this.....”

“It really helped my kids...”

“I never said the husband couldn't use the kids as weapons, it's just not as common.”

“It's NEVER a good idea. My brother went through the whole using the kids, both he and his wife. Their kids don't care for either one much now.”

“Maybe a sit down is in order. Your daughter might see your not talking to her about it as not caring about it, as it regards to her. Could be games, could be a simple misunderstanding”

“Ewker,
Keep your chin Bud!
Time will help heal the wounds :-)”

“Until joint custody becomes the norm rather than the exception, these battles will continue.”

“It's very typical behavior for the wife to turn the kids into weapons. Sad, but true.

StoveStomper
08:39:03 AM
12/19/03


its a two way street. not fair to generlize all female
been there and DID NOT do that.

I bite my tounge so many times and very proud how I handle things. my relationonship with my daughter is so strong because of it.

go stick your head in the sand stovielove! :)”

“Why R marry the ho in the first palce dude? the b!tches be free with the luV you know!”

“I agree, StoveStomper. I come from nothing but divorce in my family. Both parents are on their third marriage and to this day, my mother still talks badly of not only my father, but also of my half-sister's father. It is a shame, too. My mother, and my first step-mother BOTH used us three girls as weapons for years. We were like pingpong balls and all the while, it was just to peese of my father. It never worked and now as an adult, I see who really has problems. My mother bites her tongue a lot with me. I have had six years of therapy and call her on her sheet every single time she tries to climb up on her high horse. So, Ewker, just continue to be who you are to your daughter. When she gets older, and wiser, she will reflect back on all this. One thing is, your ex-wife may not love you anymore, but your daughter always will. As long as you continue to do right by her, she will never forget it.”

“Ewker, it took a long time before my sons came around. For a long time, I despaired that it would ever happen. But they did come around, eventually, and we have wonderful relationships. There is lots of good advice here, but Chili's stands out. I'd pass the information on to your lawyer and ask him or her how to deal with this, just to be certain you do nothing that would hurt you later on in the proceedings.”

“I want to sit down and talk to her but right now she is so out of control with what her mom has told her that she wouldn't believe a word I say.
We had an incident last weekend where the daughter went off and the spouse was totally encouraging her. It was all I could do to keep from telling both of them off.
Her lawyer filed a motion with the courts that I can't call her "bad names", which the spouse didn't even know about. She said I was wondering why I had been so nice. I wish I would have known cause I would have unleashed a barrage of names at her...lol

I did talk to the lawyer about them calling people and they said it is up to the people they are calling to file harassment charges. If they can file a court order to keep me from calling her names I sure should be able to get a court order to keep her from calling people.”

“I agree with those who say that a family meeting may be in order. A family therapist may sound silly but it can go a long, long way to laying a good foundation of ground rules to keep the whole family relationships healthy. The parants should make themselves accountable to their kids. Tell the kids that if EITHER parent talks crossly about the other that the kids should call you on it as Wolfy does (she's so smart!).”

“I filed for divorce in Aug. My daughter will be 22 Christmas Day. Best gift I ever got :)”

“Man, Ewker...you are really in a messed up situation. Sad thing is is that it all seems so elementary. WTF ever happened to live and let live? When is all this supposed to be over?”

“Your daughter is 22 yo, she is no longer a minor and is responsible for her own actions. I'm not a lawyer, but if mom asks her to call someone and she does, I'm not sure there is anything legally that can be done to the mom. Chili-Brew master will know that though.”

“Ok. Just wondering. For some reason I was thinking she was in her teens.

Even when they aren't at their best, kids are the best.

How is your son doing with all of this?

Like I said before any help you need you have from me.”

“How old is your son? And let me take a guess here...your ex-wife excludes him from her shinanigans, right?”

“wolfeyes, no date has been set yet.
I am still dealing with all of the interogratories they gave me. One thing they want is all my cancelled checks for the past yr. I thought ok no biggie. I called the bank to get them and they said the 1st three are free the rest is $5.00 each..I went WTF can you imagine how many checks that would be and what the cost would be. This one is still be debated, hopefully I will find something out today.

Is it next Friday yet, God i can't wait to head to Mich.”

“We are going to have so much FUN! No ex, no BS! Just good food, good drinks and goooood friends! Can't wait! I've wanted to meet you for quite a while now.

It's gonna rawk!”

“$5 each? Good God.”

“Nigal, you do realize that I will be wearing high heels and fish net stockings, right? So, there will be BS.”

“"Nigal, you do realize that I will be wearing high heels and fish net stockings, right? So, there will be BS."

Phucking great! Nothing worse than showing up at a party where someone else has the same outfit on! Now I have to rethink my whole wardrobe!”

“son is 19 and yes she tells him stuff to but he hasn't said a word about it to or thrown a fit like daughter has. He is kind of quiet and reserve.”

“LOL@ wolfeyes!

Hey, I might still need that professor's help. Haven't gotten too far with my application this week.”

“My comments apply to women at large and are my opinion only.

I do think TT women are different from the masses of ordinary women.
Backpacking women are rare. I think a woman that backpacks is a very special woman. The independence, bravery, and common sense that is required to backpack appeals to me. No 'professional victim types' will make it.”

“Sorry, Nigal...I was only wearing it for Ewker's sake. Not for any other reason other than to watch him split a gut cause I really won't be as attractive as you wearing that kind of stuff. Not even sure I can walk in the heels yet.”

“Go have a good time and forget about things for a few day Ewker - sounds like the trip will be a blast. :o)”

“yeah Nigal, it is going to rawk and wolfeyes will the light be on ;)”

“LOL @ SS
Aint that the truth!!!! LOL

Ewker, sorry about my above post, if it seemed at all insensative regauding your daughter. Kids can be manipulated or have their feeling hurt at any age.
Good luck Bro & Try to make the best of the holidays :-)”

“"Not even sure I can walk in the heels yet."

Just follow my lead and walk like I do. You'll be fine.”

“"and wolfeyes will the light be on ;)"

The red light?”