Divorce Sucks

“Good luck Ewker. Chili is right - you gotta not retalitate in kind. Once it's all over and all the emotion settles down the kids will make up their own minds. Your's are pretty much grown so they'll probably do it quicker than mine, but even mine are starting too.

Good luck dood. Have a great Christmas and a safe trip.”

“LMFAO @ Nigal!! Wooweee! I have tears rolling down my face!

No, Ewker, the light will not be on. Broke the light bulb. Can't get one for a few days and you'll be gone by then. Sorry...not only that, but the last thing you need right now is light. You been seeing too much of that lately. Let's just dim them babies for awhile and watch Nigal prance around in heels and stockings.”

“Hey Ewk, if it's any help, a friend of mine reunited with his daughter who was 8 at the time of the divorce after 20 years. This is twenty years of the mom calling him the worst stuff you can think of.

So keep your cool no matter what happens and let your soon-to-be ex do all the freaking out. Your kids will eventually see the light.”

“Nice save SS.”

“Oh the horror....”

“"Let's just dim them babies for awhile and watch Nigal prance around in heels and stockings."

Be sure to bring plenty of 1s. I may be easy but I ain't cheap!”

“Just follow my lead and walk like I do. You'll be fine."
Nigal
09:24:45 AM
12/19/03

LMAO......”

“thanks for the support,encouragement and advice. I needed it today.”

“HUGS.......”

“Sorry Ewker, buddy, but I ain't hugging you.”

“awww....come on SS....group hug......”

“I'll let Maples friend give you my hug :-)

”

“<"http://viditelne.prase.cz/drink.gif">”

“A big Dewd Hug from me!
ya know the one when you do the hand shake with the big pat on the back and grunt like Tim "The Toolman" Taylor....

I will leave this thread now,seeing I might screw it up...LOL”

“omg bit”

“Ewker, ya told me about this before. Sounds like the wifey-beeyatchy perhaps didn't ask the daughter to call these people, but perhaps threw enough hysterics to cause it. And that is really too bad. The daughter may have gone off trying to "help" mom.

I dunnoo... I think ya need to talk to your daughter about some stuff and the sooner the better. AND THE WENCH TOO! It's bad eough if wifey-beeyatchy calls people listed on your your phone bill, but your daughter?!? That's just nuts!!!

Also, an idea on the checks. Maybe you could just get a listing of checks and not the actual cancelled check? Seems I needed to do that once. Then I paid some per-hour fee to look them up, but certainly not $5 per check!!”

“Hang in there Ewker,

good advice from the Chillimeister, yet so hard to live by.

In time all things will pass. Take the high road and perhaps in the future your daughter will understand.

Put on your walkin' shoes and take out your frustrations on the trail. Oh, and don't forget your hip flask... It's cold out there.”

“Hey, it was snafu's picture, I was just trying to be helpful...lol...”

“BIT to the rescue AGAIN!!!
LOL”

“I haven't read the whole thread, Ewker, although I could probably recite most of it.

Cili36 and Stovestomper are right on the money. Keep to the high ground and never turn your back on the kids, whatever they do - they are confused and hurt.

When they finally realise and understand, you will benefit once again from their love.

You can refer to Muttley's thread, 'What would you do?' to see that you are not alone and that there is hope for a happier future.

God bless,

Doug”

“I have to supply the bank statements for the past 4 yrs. I am going to suggest that I make copies of my check registar instead of cancelled checks.

I will talk to my daughter but I need to calm down and let her get away from her mom for a while. Thank goodness she doesn't live at home so she can hear it all the time. We have talked in the past and I explained that I would not discuss this divorce with her and that her Mom shouldn't either. She agreed then that she was going to tell her Mom that she didn't want to hear it anymore. Guess if Mom tells or shows her the right thing she wanted to listen to her.

Yes I will admit I have been talking to a lot of friends some more than others about the divorce. I have no brothers or sisters to vent to so I have used other people. Even some of you on here have listened to my phone calls or IM's and I appreciate it very much. You know who you are and all I can say is thank you :)”

“Oh Ewker, this must suck for ya!

I won't tell about my parents divorce, cause it doesn't have one of those "they'll come around" happy endings, but I certainly did learn a lot about what not to do when it was my turn! And that was for sure, don't get into the petty bad mouthing of the ex.

You really deserve/need to get away - I'm so glad you're going to Michigan!”

“Ewker, no need to thank us for listening to you vent. That's what friends are for. Hang in there, and someday all of this will be behind you.

I agree with a lot of the other folks here - a talk with your daughter is in order. And if possible, a talk with the soon-to-be ex would be in order as well. She needs to know what she is doing to your kids is not acceptable and very childish on her part.”

“I've not been through a divorce, but have counseled some folks in the process--professionally.

Wish you the best, and encourage you to find a professional counselor--if nothing else to vent.

All the responses on this thread show, lots of us care about you. I'd give you a hug, but I was just attacked by a cold virus.

Best,

Mark”

“Ewker.....sounds like you have some great friends...
Love is not measured by how many people you love......but by how many people love you......
HUGS”

“When my parents divorced, I was totally on my mother's side. She was the one who was betrayed, she was the one whose lifestyle changed totally (no money and three teenagers to raise), and she was the one I saw every day who was utterly unable to cope with the changes in her life. But, I was lucky. She never badmouthed my dad. She told us to keep up communications, sent us on visits, took the high road. And told us that, no matter what, he is your father and loves you. Result is, I have a good relationship with both of my parents. I forgave my Dad many years ago for not being perfect, and I am utterly at peace with what happened.

When my husband was divorced, for a while all the blame was on him. His adult children were angry because it seemed that they didn't really know who he was any more, and they blamed him for not living up to the ideals they expected him to live up to (e.g. marriage is forever, no matter what.) There was a lot of anger and hurt feelings on all sides. We kept the door open though, and over time, the walls came down and now he has a good relationship with his kids. But again, he was lucky, because his ex was wise enough to realize that fomenting anger only hurt the kids, and so she encouraged them to improve their relationship with their dad, regardless of the fact that he was no longer married to mom. At this point, 10 years later, everyone is friendly. We go to family parties and everyone gets hugs and kisses.

My point, don't let anger make you do something stupid. Keep the doors open with your kids, even if it is only cards and calls on holidays and birthdays. I think you should tell your daughter that what she did was inappropriate, but I think you need to forgive her and move on. Time heals.”

“but after I did, I thought better. your ex will get what she truely deserves in life...God will see to it...but, maybe she needs ...nah better not say it. It might be held against me if anything ever happens to her...

Hang in there Ewker.”

“Is this going to be a costume party??? Ewker I'm still working on your hat.

Is this helping to get your mind off of the nasty stuff? Cause the mood of this thread has done a 360.”

“I was 20 when my mother left my father. They both talked about the other and it was very hard. But my feelings were more driven by my previous relationship with each of them. My father and I had a difficult relationship beforehand so I was more aligned with my mother than my father. Even with that, I knew that the marriage fell apart because of both of them, and neither was perfect or a victim of the other. If your daughter is 22, she will realize these things, especially if you take the high ground and NOT make negative remarks about your ex. Just keep up a dialogue with her about non-divorce related things. Write her notes, take her out to dinner once in a while. My father did that, took me to plays and musicals since he was "single" and didn't want to go by himself. I felt like I got to know him a lot better during that time.”

“Whoa Nelly I'm slow. Was refering to the line of thought from Nigal and Wolfeyes. Sorry to post out of context.”

“So, no fishnet hose for you, dhutch?”

“Oh yeah....thigh highs with a garter belt. I could go on but, you couldn't handle it.”

“You're right, lol...”

“I'm not saying to make negative remarks about the ex-to-be, but perhaps a bit more encouragement to the daughter that she kick back and take things with a grain of salt before any action... Some encouragement to be cool and not do anything in haste, like not do anything before thinking about something either parent has said for at least a day. And trying not to involve other people.

Just my 2 cents. I feel bad for the daughter, mostly, and also bad for how it's made Ewker feel. I'd hate to just sit back and let it continue. Then again, I'm no parent, am I??

And Ewker, thanks for seeing me through my big fit after the Monday Council meeting where I got totally trashed. Someone had to hear it and had to hear it right then!!!! lol... I feel all better now. Wrote a long, somewhat nasty, sarcastic column on the Council proceedings. (yes, even mentioning the absolute kicker to it all!!! lol) But mostly, through the retelling of it, letting the community see how the Council treated the press -- which is just how they've been treating everyone -- including the personal attack.

Been getting a lot of good response on "having had the guts to take on the Council and tell it like it is." Haven't heard so many good comments in awhile (well, I haven't heard from those bastages in question, although the mayor did call my boss. lol)

So thanks for just happening to be on after 11 Monday night, buddy!!! lol... sorry 'bout all the "f" words. LOL!”

“thanks wolfeyes...lol

dhutch, you in thigh highs with a garter belt, man I haven't pop those things off in yrs, wonder if I can still do it with one finger ;)”

“lizs,

"flamethrower"?”

“Lizs, no problem at all and you know it. Us night owls hang together till I turn into a pumpkin. No worries about all the F words, not like I havent heard it before”

“Just watch out, you could put your eye out!!!”

“"So, no fishnet hose for you, dhutch?"

Hose? OH "HOSE"! I thought we were talking about HOs! I guess I won't blow all my christmas money at the party then...”

“I don't mean you should say nasty things about your ex. But I think some talking might be called for here. Maybe your ex-to-be isn't asking your daughter to make calls, but she is obviously helping get her to that kind of hysterical point.

Maybe stress to your daughter to be cool... to sit on anything she hears about either you or her mother or the divorce for at least a day before even thinking about doing something. And then, maybe encourage her to write in a journal or talk to a good friend.

I feel bad for your daughter, and for what this does to you, Ewker, as her father. Just my 2 cents, but I'm no parent I guess.

As far as friends, thanks for taking my "crisis" IM Monday night after I got raked at the Council meeting. I feel all better by today. I sat down and wrote a nasty, sarcastic totally truthful column on what happened at that meeting (even the awful final comment, prodded from the audience!! lol.. It had to ALL go in to make it honest!) My purpose was to show the community what the Council is doing by sharing my tale... and they've done it to so many others and the crap just continues otherwise.

I've gotten a lot of good comments on it, unbelievable amounts. People are talking about it all over, stopping me to say they're happy "someone finally gave it to the Council." (well, I haven't heard the comments of the bastages, although the mayor did call my boss, I understand. lol)

Anyhoo... thanks for just happening to be there and taking my IM. God! I had to talk to someone and vent right then!!!!! (as you well know. sorry 'bout all the "f" words... lol)”

“nope I was good at that back then..woooohooo, kind of like snapping that oh nevermind :)”

“Did Lizs edit something? Add commas or anything?”

“12 minutes has got to be some sort of record for double posts...”

“oh freakin' computer anyway! I didn't know that posted. Thought it was "lost."

lol”

“love is grand, divorce is 60 to 70 grand!”

“bit, why do you think I eat out all the time.”