Major Doctrines

“1. Comedians are transitive.
2. Ralph hates Hubert.
3. The Garden of Eden lacked whip cream.
4. Orangutangs are associated with anti-lemmiac forces.
5. Monty Python transcends National Lampoon.
6. Brilliance is only a measure of boredom.
7. Tropical fruits are both sticky and mushy.
8. Music is an expression of the spirit of mental health.
9. Lichen giggle at the disarray of the community of man.
10. Marshmellows turn brown when roasted.
11. Crickets are more harmonious than nightingales.
12. To spread the alarm one must nurture black jellybeans.
13. War is the result of the precipitating hatred of individualistic factions and attempts to iron over such with unity.
14. Goldfish are neither good or evil; they're just people--like you and me.
15. Murdock really does not have an invisible dog, he just has an invisible duck who thinks he's a hound.
16. Beethoven hated Elvis.
17. People who follow the lemming faith are the chosen anti-furriers.
18. McDonald's McMakes McReal McMuck.

to be con't..... here comes the boss.”

“19. to be lukewarm, chosen anti-furriers must recite doctrine 18 5x in less than 13.7856367 seconds in a pan of boiling lime green jello, or, for the more cultured sort, a bucket of lukewarm raw oysters.
20. 'thus is pronounced as 'fuzz' and not as 'does'.
21. Sacrifices are made in a eggshell during coagulation.
22. Tarzan had the Barber of Seville as his personal hair stylist.
23. Muppets portray the idealistic innocence of civilization and its destiny.
24. Without romanticism, life bears no true drive.
25. Yet through a car one can crash and die.
26. Lemmings are gerbils with suicidal tendencies IFF they are not Catholic.
27. Marbles lack the luster of true universality.
28. Terrariums are stupid.
29. Clay can be molded into effifies of secular succatash.
30. Barbie dolls usually perished when beheaded by Mandy.
31. Ducks tap dance in banana flavored jello and sing the Hallelujah Chorus only when digesting a blunt compasses.
32. A flute, a gun and a shread of wheat sprouted from the dark gutter of society. All pulled and struggled, clawing for a postion of prestige and dominance. Finally, the gutter was uprooted and replaced by a ceramic jungle gym. How we do advance!!!
33. Weather suffers horribly from the disease of individuality. Indeed, if incorporated and owned by a community, it would be uplifted from its shallowness to the highest pinnacle of esteem.
34. Dole's pineapples contain the bitterness of the past, a sometimes useless tool used to precipitate guilt and uniformity.
35. Glorious and uplifting adventure is attainable only in the controlled environment of moldy onions and walnuts.
36. 'ETC.' is an expression of mental degradation and the unwillingness to labor over unnecessary thought....
37. All rise and hail the fire, the water, the elements of the Earth, as they perform their majestic stunts to entertain us, their useless, torpid, sightless audience.
38. Grimace is but a blue blob who slurps shakes in the hope of grasping a plane of satisfaction, a iniverse beyond the cries of green squash and decrepit ink wells.
39. Yawning is contagious over the phone.
40. Horses fluctuate when they are simultaneously inflated by metallic air pumps and utilized as targets for squirt guns.”