Tree's Offbeat News Thread!

“That is just wrong, bp!”

“Well, this is the Bible Belt, and you know what the Bible says about "train up a child"...lol


OHIO HIKER IS BORN?”

“Olsen Twins 18th Birthday Countdown

Weird! Ya think a bunch of prevs can't wait.”

“stomper you scare me sometimes when you find this like that.”

“Dang! They look mahhhty cute thar!”

“Google does amazing things!
I like my women about 20+ years older!”

“google sure......”

“I read somewhere that by the time they're 21, they could be worth 1,000,000,000USD EACH.”

“Except on Two-fer Tuesday. Then you get both for the same price...”

“He11, I would marry either one of them or move to the Middle East and marry both. ;)”

“Don't have to go to the Middle East, GGGGS...just Utah or Idaho...”

“Hey Mapes!
What happened to the Halloween Name?”

“Or you could just cohabitate with both of them. Nothing illegal about that. Well, not in eight months anyway.”

“seems to me they'd be good as the "Double Mint Twins"....”

“Looks like Mary has hit the road again in another whistlestop across America. This time the venue is Treebeard's old buddy, Treestump. I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but how many natural things have you seen that take on the resemblance of something familiar to you? I mean, the clouds even make bizarre formations at times. There is no picture on this article of this 'phenomenon'. But, I saw a picture of it on the news and frankly, it more resembled a penguin to me...”

“ok let me get this stright,

they say that the Vigin Mary face appered on a tree in NJ at the same time a couple were caught doin the treedance in the woods?


hmmmmmmm makes ya think don't it...”

“Hey! There's a skull in my icecube!”

“Well, you know how cold makes things shrink...”

“I'm sorry, but...

You all know that I avoid topics such as politics and religion, but the Jesus'/Virgin Mary's faces appearing in unusual places stories drive me spare. How in absolute He!! does ANYONE know what they looked like? What happens is that a face like a face in some Italian Renaissance painting of these people. In my opinion the excitement is on the cultural level of the anti-second language-teaching-in-schools because, 'English was good enough for Jesus, why learn another language?'”

“It's like that last page in "Subliminal Seduction" where Wilson Bryan Key writes,

"We've covered the use of subliminal cues in car and liquor ads, but we haven't even touched on those found in restaurant menus and Army recruitment posters..."

Pretty Creepy! <G>”

“Now, if it was Charlton Heston's face in a stump, you'd know it was divine intervention.”

“damn dirty tree”

“Hey, leave my friends alone.”

“Knock off yer barkin', tree :^P”

“Ruff!”

“don't get yer pantiesleaves in a bunch....”

“One woman's thong is another man's slingshot.



Please don't ask me why I said that...”

“Or maybe a job for Popeye? You know, when he punches the alligator, it goes up in the air and lands as a three piece set of luggage...

Gator Bait”

“all they wanted was a cocktail, you really can't blame them...”

“oh wait, maybe they did get a drink and they didnt get the little paper unbrella in it...LOLOL”

“Yeah...
Here comes Amos

Now Amos Moses was a Cajun
He lived by hisself in the swamp
And hunted alligator for a living
He'd just knock 'em in the head with a stump
The Louisiana law is gonna getcha you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy

Now everyone blamed his old man
For makin' him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy
His daddy would use him for alligator bait
Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp

Ha ha ha

Alligator bait in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a man called Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hannah
Well they raised up a son that could eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Yeah
Ha ha

Now the folks around south Louisiana
Said Amos was a hell of a man
He could trap the biggest, the meanest alligator
And just use one hand
That's all he got left cause an alligator bit it
Ha ha ha
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Well the sheriff got wind
That Amos was in the swamp trappin' alligator skins
So he snuck in the swamp gonna get the boy
But he never came out again
Well, I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to

Heh heh

Well you can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a cat called Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hannah
Well they raised up a son that could eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Get on 'em Amos
Make it count son
About forty-five minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana...”

“That's all they need in Newark is gators.”

“Does that make for a viable defense?

My Best Friend”

“Helena bus driver fired for slapping potty-mouthed child
Associated Press

HELENA — The Helena School District has fired a school bus driver for slapping a middle-school student across the head when he wouldn’t stop saying the word "p e n i s" on the bus.

”

“p e n i s


#whack#
*ouch*”

“Woops, here it is...
Story”

“He would have gotten into more trouble if it were the other way around and the kid had said "Head".”

“Hey, this is tree's thread! ;)

Little smartass needs his ass whupped.”

“Middle school kids should be slapped anyway as a pre-emptive strike.”

“In a related story, the student, Bart Simpson, was sent home for raising another student's underwear up the school flagpole.”

“awww Im sorry wolfy, that was not nice of him. you ok?”

“Middle school kids are the worst.........”

“Sounds like a potential TT chat addict to me.”

“According the article, the kid claimed the word "#&%!$" (there, I said it) was a scientific term. The kid's got a point. Now if he repeatedly said, "weiner", then he deserved to get whacked.

I wonder if the bus driver will get 6 inches, oops, I mean months, in jail.”

“Sorry Buck. You can say vagina on TT, but not p e n i s.”

“Oops, looks like I got slapped!”

“It took me a lot to work up the courage to type that word, and then it got bleeped. This place isn't very scientific.”

“Well, as we all know, the male member is a lot more naughty than the vagina.”

“When it comes to using words on this forum, I say...

GIVE ME SCIENCE, OR GIVE ME DEATH!

I have spoken.”