Onion's prophesy!

“http://www.theonion.com/onion3701/bush_nightmare.html" target="_blank"> Bush has kept the promises made in this inaugural address”

“The Onion rocks!”

“"our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."”

“Aren't I supposed to slap you on the ass or something now?”

“hey Viol man: still looking to avenge my quip on the poetry and baking thread? (you were the only one making a fuss on the thread at the time, so I had to pick on you).”

“I don't get mad.

I'm only trying to live up to Nigal's high expectations of us.”

“I have yet to figure out if I'm one of the three or four who must slap asses.


I sure wish he'd been more specific.”

“and i for one would like to see that slap! ;-)”

“Yes Phaedrus.

It's you, me, Tilt and one other liberal on a floating basis.

Go ahead, Ped won't mind.”

“Hey if theres ass slapping going on I want in :)”

“Gee I missed that remark on ass slapping.”

“*SLAP!* Ok, whos ass was that?”

“You know how it is ped. Since liberals are incapable of critical thought, they are forced to fall back on name calling when confronted by an argument.”

“Hey, hands off, you vile libs. And you, Ped, I'm ashamed to find a moderate like you hanging out with these pinko hoodlums.
As I recall, just a year or so ago, it was the neocon chickenhawks playing grab-ass in this locker room.”

“They just get real surly when they can't find their stuff.”

“The neocons have gone underground for the time being.

I mean look at it....(A) we basically have a confession that the WMD BS was hokey pokey...

and (B) Rush got ran out of football.


Hell, I sort of feel sorry for poor stratdewd. He must be feeling pretty low lately.”

“Rush, we wish we hardly knew ye.
It was the most entertaining Rush show I've ever listened to today. I never thought I would see the day when the attack dog went on the defensive. He is not going to apologize, however. I don't think he is capable of it.”

“I doubt he can pronounce it!

Sort of like fonzie...

Without so much "cool"”

“OMG!!! (hmmm... do I smell like a moderate?)”

“Well, if you recall Ped, it was Strat that proclaimed you a moderate. Am I wrong? (noise of slapping flesh heard in background)”

“I'm ready to bash Rush on other fronts (like his reign of disinformation), but I still don't think the football comment was that terrible.

I can see the point that it should stay away from ESPN, and so should he, especially because he was definitely grinding his political axe there.”

“No Strat has long proclaimed me a liberal and has reminded anyone who accused me of being reasonable that I was a liberal.

"they practiced moderation in all things, even virtue"”

“Well, YEAH. Anyone who has ideas that don't follow the strict conservative dogma of the Hannity-Limbaugh set is a liberal to strat.

BTW, Rush is a drug addict. Pass it on.”

“if Rush could cite any instances to back up his claim - well, he'd still be in a pickle (pickled?). i don't think his comment alone proves that he's a racist. it proves he can't distinguish between his sports commentary and his political blathering.

if you want REAL racial follies, read this uplifting and hope-inspiring story.”

“(The link expired)
1/18/2001
WASHINGTON, DC—Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."


"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnationby implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.

Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: "That's hardly my area of expertise."

Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.

Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."

"Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the Dark Ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way past throngs of protesters blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic," Bush said. "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies."


Above: Soldiers at Ft. Bragg march lockstep in preparation for America's return to aggression.
Continued Bush: "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge President Clinton drove between church and state."

The speech was met with overwhelming approval from Republican leaders.

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."

"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."

An overwhelming 49.9 percent of Americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.

"After eight years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, NJ, machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said. "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."

"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W. Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."

Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."

"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."”

“They nailed that one.”

“If that weren’t so dead on, it would be funny.”

“Yeah, I'm not laughing.”

“that is the most accurate reporting i seen in years.”

“Yep -- the more I read, the less funny it became.”

“LOL! I hate liberals but I LOVE da Onion!”