My Monthly Friend Has Come

“Funny how every month I get this itch to go on a rampaging rant and it somehow coincides with Backpacker Mag showing up in my mail box. OK, fine, call me a snob but it makes me disgruntled that I’m losing 10 IQ points every single month after reading this rag. Thanks heavens the subscription was a gift and it wasn’t my money being wasted.

*You can imagine my elation and joy when I saw the big gear review this month was phucking Christmas lights for my tent. Oh phucking joy! My search is over!

*The big article this month was, “What’s in the Water?”. Too bad that BP Mag finally does an article with a large amount of info just to be wasted on such a boring subject that it would put a biology professor to sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZ!

*When I saw the headline on the cover “50 skills everyone should know” I thought, “What’s this? Could it be that we are going to get some meat with our fluff this month? So I open it up and what skills do I get? How to make coffee? Face it friends, if you can’t figure out how to make coffee you’re too much of a damn moron to backpack much less operate a car to get to the trailhead. How to use a carabineer? Holy crap man! Ya find something that needs clipped and ya clip the damn thing on. Thanks BP! Never would have figured that one out without ya!

*How to have sex on the trail. This was the point that the magazine got thrown across the bathroom. Don’t worry I went over and picked it up…when I had to wipe. Again, let’s face it friends. If you have to have BP Mag explain how to have sex, chances are the only sex you’re getting is with yourself. If not with yourself, then you’re too stupid to breed. Outta the gene pool! I can just see someone’s wife coming home with tree rash over 60% of her body from being nailed against a tree without using the suggested fleece jacket for padding…”Owe Dear! That really hurt! I wish someone would do a write up so we could figure out how to screw on the trail. I mean, it’s soooo different from screwing at home! What’ll we do!!!???”.

*Use a video tape box to keep your cigars from getting crushed. I’m sorry, if you smoke stogies you already know how to protect them. If you are that much of an idiot that you can’t figure out how to keep them from getting crushed, chances are you aren’t smart enough to pick out a good enough smoke to protect in the first place.

[pant pant]

Shooey! Now I feel better! Better than a good shot of Midal. Thank you!”

“I've purchased a few tubed cigars and reused the aluminum tubes to pack my cigars in. This isn't 100% but it will keep them from being crushed simply by being thrust into the pack.”

“LMAO! that's pretty funny.”

“SNOB!”

“Thank you, Nigal, you made my day. It's 'Outside' every month and 'Climbing' often for me. I don't buy 'Backpacker' any more, but it might be all right for newbies.”

“LMAO!”

“"SNOB!"

I'm waiting for the long awaited review of the clip on fan. Then my life will be complete. LOL!”

“At DisneyWorld, one of the things they sell is a spray bottle, filled with icewater, that has a fan on the nozzle. When you pull the trigger, it sprays you with a mist of ice water, and blows you with the fan at the same time. This is so Yankees can cool off, I guess. I didn't think it was all that hot, personally.

I think half the rides at that place are there just so people can get out of the Florida sun.”

“Too funny, Nigal. Thanks for making me grin this morning.”

“no doubt, nigal the mag has taken a real dump since JD took over as editor.

my subscription does not run out until Oct '04, and I've already gotten three renewal notices in the past month. They're trying to "entice" me to renew with nearly cover price offers. Do they think I'm an idiot?? (ok, don't answer that . . . lol!) I've already decided I'm not going to renew . . . the mag is just not what it used to be.”

“Geez Nigal, do they have any ideas for shaving on the trail?

Should one bring the whiskers home?”

“Well, let me throw this out there and see if it sticks:

How would everyone feel if BP mag did give away "all the little secerts and info" and trail traffic went through the roof?”

“Keep it in the bathroom for toilet paper, Nigal!

Yup, I barfed when they did alittle writeup on backpacking chopsticks!”

“Backpacking chopsticks?

I bet the ultralighters cut theirs in half so they're lighter...”

“"Yup, I barfed when they did alittle writeup on backpacking chopsticks!"
Capn Bobo
10:32:38 AM

How does one wipe their ass with chopsticks?”

“Nigal, You and I finally agree on more than one thing!”

“Velly calefurry, Tom.”

“Nigal, that is the very reason I let my subscription expire. I wasn't getting anything out of the magazine.

On my trip to Washington, I broke down and bought one in the airport to read in the plane.

Thank god the flight was only a little over an hour. It was worthless. I wound up leaving it in the seat so some poor other sap could go to sleep reading it.”

“So, I can look forward to another crap packed issue eh? Birch took last month's to work and it never came home before I looked at it. I doubt I missed anything.”

“I got great news with the arrival of my BP mag in the mail yesterday.



It was a notice on the front in big letters that said "THIS IS YOUR LAST ISSUE"

Yeah!!!

The only one I read now is NG Adventure Mag.”

“I thought it was the meter-reader.”

“ok i get raked over the coals for saying i stifled a snicker at a clip-on fan, but everybody jumps on the lets mock a professional magazine bandwagon.

no, trailtalk isnt clique-ish at all.”

“dang, I thought Nigal got his first period!!

you sure you're a dude right??



LMAO...it was still funny though!!”

“I wasn't going to say it, Gem!”

“"I’m losing 10 IQ points every single month after reading this rag."

ill be kind and say you started with an iq of 120. if your subscription was a year, well you do the math......wait you probably cant by this point, can you?”

“apples and oranges, Sir Scoop A Lot....”

“Thanks heavens the subscription was a gift and it wasn’t my money being wasted."
~NV

That should give the giver a nice warm fuzzy!


"The only one I read now is NG Adventure Mag."
~dayhiker

Not to worry - it'll get BP'er-ized soon enough.


BTW -
Is the "sex" article... er...
unbrowned?
Just curious, that's all.

Later,
Go Jo
RFD #77
Dumptruck, GA
30333”

“even if youve only been reading half a year, you should be at the profoundly retarded level. i would imagine youre starting to have trouble remembering how to wipe.”

“apples and oranges my ass”

“btw, im just playin with nigal and he knows it (i hope)”

“The article about how to have sex on the trail was meant for Ohio Hiker.”

“Backpacking chopsticks?

I bet the ultralighters cut theirs in half so they're lighter..."
bloodpusher
10:33:46 AM
10/15/03

LMFAO!!!!!!!!”

“"The article about how to have sex on the trail was meant for Ohio Hiker"

you do mean with a person, right? no? oh nevermind”

“apple = you made fun of a person you never met

orange = BP Mag is a MAG, not a person you never met.”

“bp mag is put together by persons. i would imagine to the editors and publishers and writers, they would consider it their baby. nigals making fun of the hard work of alot of persons he has never met. i thought that would be obvious.”

“or is bp mag just born into thin air or made by robots? i missed that part in the credits.”

“OMG! I get better commemts from a frickin' 2 x 4!”

“Judging from the contents I've seen it is put together by people whose IQ has suffered from reading BP mag too much.”

“Alright, it's not really worth it. Whatnever....”

“Altrec is giving away a year's NG Adventure subscription with every purchase at the moment if anyone's interested.
I just renewed by backpacker subscription, but then again I'll read any old crap that's out there.”

“stikmon, is that you?”

“o but it was worth it to jump all over me on the thread i started?

whatnever”

“stikmon, if thats you, i swear to god im gonna wring your little chickenbone neck.......”

“"....This was the point that the magazine got thrown across the bathroom. Don’t worry I went over and picked it up…when I had to wipe."

I laughed out loud!”

“When I first started hiking, I found the Mag to be very helpful. I don't know if my disinterest with the Mag is because of the down turn of the content, or I might have out grown it. It seems to have progressed to a level where they are shooting fer the yuppie crowd, with all the advertisments and stories and all. My question is:

What made BP Mag good way back when? Who was edtor before Dorn? What level of a backpacker where you when you first read it?”

“And don't forget to practice LNT hiking by packing out your condoms. I personally tie a knot in them and put them on my tent fly as orniments to go with my christmas lights!




Yeah Scoops, reading BP has made pretty stupid. I figure a couple more issues I'll be so stupid that I'll move to Indiana. Nyuck nyuck! Mocking someone's hard work? Ha! I mock the lack of hard work. BP Mag claims to be the authoritive magazine of wilderness travel but the thing is pure tripe. I'm sure though, being a good Gaylens shopping newbie, that you stand on the front porch with a little boner every month waiting for your next issue to arrive. As soon as you see the mailman coming down the dirt road you start yellin', "Momma! Momma! Here he comes! Here he comes with my new Backpacker Magazine!".

And yes I know you're just messin' with me. We have that 3 Stooges type of relationship, you and I.”

“are you talking to me, stikmon?”

“Just don't show me whose Curly!”

“im just looking for consistency, thats all. if its ok for you to make fun of a yuppie mag, made by yuppies, then its ok for me to make fun of a yuppie at galyans. thats the point im trying to get across to laqtis/stikmon.”

“Don't point that THING at me!!”